" you used me to get to her powers" I screeched at my former bf Roran " don't u dare say u haven't . We're over " . " but I haven't my little shapeshifter , my little witch , my little Molly " roran said putting his hands on my hips . I felt him shoving his emotions into me . I spin around though his hands still stayed on my hips . He took it as me giving in . Boy was he wrong . I got 2 words . Total moron . He started kissing me and I couldn't help it . I pulled away and slapped him
More of the story : I knocked his feet out from under him . Then I used my powers to transform into a white tiger . " I thought u knew better than to use ur powers on me . After all " I said laughing " I was born from the most powerful witch in history . And u thought u could win . Think again " . Then I raked my claws down his leg . " NO . NO I DIDN'T THINK THAT !! " he screamed " I'M SORRY "
More story : I rolled my eyes and stalked past him to the 2 story window in his bedroom . I then leaped out of it and landed gracefully on the ground . I ran off to my sister's and I house .
More story : CHAPTER 2 !! : ok so this must sound really weird to whoever may be reading this so I'm going to introduce myself and others . Then I'll explain . Me - my name is Molly , I have straight silky blood red hair . ( I do mean blood red ) , maple green eyes . I'm kinda tall and have really pale skin . Lissa my sister , straight blonde hair , same maple green eyes , pale , and same height as me . Roran - sandy blonde hair , midnight blue eyes and really tan , reallllllyy tall !! Now to the explanation part : I'm a girl witch in a world full of witches who has a destiny . I have know idea what that is yet though . Lucky me right ? Any way I arrived at my sisters house now . Ps welcome to my life
More story : CHAPTER 3 !!! The truth is out : I walked up onto the porch and crossed it to knock on the door . I knocked twice and looked up at the night sky . It was so beautiful . I don't know what it is about the night that intrigues me but som- . I got cut off from my thoughts by my sister " MOLLY !! ITS LIKE 2 AM !! what the heck ?!!!! " lissa said quickly and then not giving me a chance to answer she said " o Molly . U still have cat eyes . So tell me what happened ? " . I blushed and transformed back . We went inside and I told her everything . When I was done her jaw dropped open . " HE WHAT ?!!!! " she screeched .
It's an OK story, the things to make it better would be a better way to flow through the action, to have better conventions, and to explain what, where, why, and how things happen
More story : " he used me to get to ur powers . He played me " I said trying to stay calm , but failing . " maybe u should -" " yea I should " I said cutting my sister off " be right back " . I walked out the front door and leaped off the porch and transformed into.a bear . I walked towards town . I seem pretty dumb don't I ? CHAPTER 4 : narrow escape I had just turned down a road and passed 2 houses . I stopped and looked over at this one bright yellow house that caught my attention . Outside sitting in the front yard was a mother cat and her kitten . I focused myself and turned into a black kitten with icy blue eyes . I walked down the street and rounded a corner but then jumped back hissing loudly . Dog . Big dog . And he was HUGE !!! I mean . He had seen me . He ran towards me and I looked for a fence desperately .
You need organization desperately. It's too messy. Your grammar and spelling are poor. NEVER start a story, or have in a story "I guess I should explain" that completely ruins the flow of the story and makes you sound like a third grader. Even if you are a third grader, DON'T DO THAT! You may want to get a writing app or use notes. Don't type the story directly to here. That is a mistake. Organize it into chapters, show us without telling us directly. Also you may want to get some one to look over your story before you post it, check for grammar spelling when typing don't use shortcuts like u for you. That makes it look messy.
Thnx for the advice n i think I'll keep it here for a while but I won't use shortcuts like u for you . Thnx !!!!!!
More story : the mother cat suddenly appeared and grabbed me by the scuff and took off , the dog chasing after us . The mother cat suddenly lurched up and to the left . It was scary !!!!! Then I felt a thud and we were on the ground on the other side of a fence . The kitten was on this side and so was the yellow house . I heard the dog barking on the other side and crouched in fear . It needed to shut up . It was night time too and people would wake up as loud as it was barking . The mother cat said " name ? " . " Molly " I replied softly . The mother cat looked at her kitten " my name is moniquea and this is my son David . Everyone out of your cat forms " . My eyes widened . " your shapeshifter witches too ? You have the same power as me ? I didn't know that was possible " I closed my eyes and went back to my human form .
You need more organization in your writing, it's too messy, spontaneous here and there. And also, I do believe "Roran" is a character name from a well known book. :roll: you should try to make up new names if you want your story to have originality.
I started writing story ages ago and gave up here's the first chapter _________________________________ Chapter 1: hunting It's was a full moon, shining faint rays of light down to where I had set up camp for that night I had no fire to warm my very fair skin my brown hair was knotted I moved painfully pulling myself out of a pile of thorns but it was worth it, my tattered pants and T-shirt provided no protected from the thorns. As I got up, I got up I had blood all over my body dripping down making smearing coming off on anything that I brushed against I followed with the most amout of care I could not to alert the deer the tiniest bit that I was behind it. I had been tracking the same deer now for one and a half days now and I was running low on food THUD! The bolt fired from my crossbow hit and hit the deer in it's leg forcing the animal to stumble in pain through the thick undergrowth of the forest making the wound tear Painfully open makings it bigger untill the deer colapsed on a big lump of grass. I had been learning and waiting for this moment all my life growing and learning my skills such learning the throwthe rusty knife that I found when I was playing outside, I also learnt to use a yew bow my dad made from the yew that colapsed last summer making the wood able to be made into a bow but I never used it untill I turned seven From the turned 7 I was a little boy at that stage aiming a little yew bow into a tree and trying to hit a bird that was perched on the edge of the branch But this was different it was my first big kill that my poor family would trusting me to bring a good amout of meat back so we can survive the cold nights to come I pulled the deer through the broken branchs and the thorn bushes like the one befor. I cut open I deer over a river where i striped it's stomach contents out into the stream startling some fish that darted away trying to avoid the guts from the dead deer as I got closer to home I spotted a faint misty haze telling me that the villege that I lived in was preparing for a cold winters night where the weather was alwas upredictable, wheather it was going to snow, rain, or even some sun that the farmers had treasured each moment of it. I walked through into our little wooden hut on the outside of the college where I was meet by my old ragged dad called Robert who started cooking the deer. It was the first meal we had had in a few days and as soon as the fat touched my throat it felt the best thing I had had in well ever.