Mafia bros Ratin

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by CALIFORNIA_SKATER_GIRL, Nov 8, 2010.

  1. Tell me what u think of it here plz
     
    #1 CALIFORNIA_SKATER_GIRL, Nov 8, 2010
  2. #2 CALIFORNIA_SKATER_GIRL, Nov 8, 2010
  3.  
    #3 CALIFORNIA_SKATER_GIRL, Nov 8, 2010
  4. Not enough detail
     
    #4 MasterSlayerALi, Nov 8, 2010
  5. And the grammar is crap
     
    #5 TheSilverPanda, Nov 8, 2010
  6. Ehh, not so great. Instead of sayin enuf say enough, use words. Write the way u would enjoy reading
     
    #6 Marodo, Nov 8, 2010
  7. I agree with marodo...I understand you want to make it sound rebellious. But it just hard to read.
     
    #7 Delphin, Nov 8, 2010
  8. Thanks, o and btw never EVER do something like: *i stepped on the ground* it kills the story
     
    #8 Marodo, Nov 8, 2010
  9. NEVER USE * IN A STORY. It makes it sound like a RP
     
    #9 TheSilverPanda, Nov 9, 2010
  10. best way to learn is trial and error I thought maybe ud like sothin diferant guess not
     
    #10 CALIFORNIA_SKATER_GIRL, Nov 9, 2010
  11. I'll get another story I hav gd ideas but not the grammar person so I'll try another one eventualy
     
    #11 CALIFORNIA_SKATER_GIRL, Nov 9, 2010
  12. Does anyone want to help me profread
    I hav 4 paragrafs alreddy
     
    #12 CALIFORNIA_SKATER_GIRL, Nov 9, 2010
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