My name is Ana. Well, everyone calls me Luana, but maybe that's because nobody knows me well enough to give me a nickname. My real name is Luana Mona Darsche. It means something like "happy and noble", which doesn't suit me at all. I am not happy. I am definitely not of noble descent. Not at all. People seem to think I am, though. Of noble descent that is. They think I must be a rich, foreigner. I sighed as I thought of how these random people made up all these ridiculous rumors about me. And for what reason? Sure, I keep my distance. I don't want friends. I have been there and totally done that. "Friends come and go", my parents used to say to me as the 'friend' impostors all turned on me. All my "friends" left me in their quests to become popular. As my family moved from place to place, I learned that friends are unnecessary people who hold you back. It would be nice to have someone to confide in, but that's not really what a "friend" is. So, apparently, my cold exterior shows people that I'm from noble descent. I really don't get it. I'm 15, by the way. My parent's have us move around a lot for certain.... reasons, but it looks like I'll be stuck in this town for a while.
At this moment, I'm walking. I like to do that sometimes. Aside from school, walking around like this is the only thing I do. Well, I do things at home, too, but nothing outside of what I do there. Walking is sort of a release to me, because its just nice to get away from it all. To be honest, my parents don't really care where I go, as long as I'm back in time for dinner, or whatever we do. They know I'm jumpy enough not to go somewhere where I could be in danger. "Stranger Danger," I mutter as I walk in pace to my beating heart. Warm air mixes with the frozen breeze as I sigh. I really should start heading home, because it might snow. I notice a boy who looks my age on the swings of the neighborhood park. I stop and watch him for a moment, to see if I recognize him. He's hunched over, and his golden curls hang over his face. I am about to keep walking, when I see him do something that shocks me.
The boy leans back, and swallowed a huge handful of pills. For a moment, I am stunned. Why would he do that? He could be a drug user, but... that's a bit excessive. I walk over to him. "Hey, you." I say coolly towards him, prepared to give him a 'drugs are bad for you' speech. He jumped, and turned. "What the hell?" I know this guy. He's some popular football player. I don't quite recall his name... "Ernie?" "Earl.." He hesitantly corrects me. From the look on his face, this guy, Earl, knows clearly exactly who I am. I am always bored in school. It's easy, and I never talk to anyone. I guess that's why I wouldn't know much about one of the most popular kids. I should though; most people do. "Yeah, ok. Whatever." We stand there awkwardly, and I remember what I just saw. Oh my gosh, the most popular guy in school is a drug user! Man, the world is going downhill faster than I thought it was. Earl cleared his throat, waking my from my dazed state. "Um. Okay, so drugs are bad. They can kill you! I could care less whether you do them or not, but you should be more careful! That was.. quite a lot of pills you took. You might have to go to the hospital or something, because that many pills can seriously damage you! Geez, why did you do that?!" I was unintentionally yelling, a little freaked out. Never mind, it wasn't just "a little". I was really angry at this guy! I had never seen anyone do drugs, ever! I felt scarred for life. Earl started laughing. My mouth worked soundlessly. He didn't take me seriously? 'I'll show him,' I thought, and slapped him with all my strength. He fell to the ground, and looked up to me with his mouth wide open. I smirked. 'Who's laughing now?' I thought. I had just brought one of the strongest guys to his knees! "Luana...." he murmured, "You actually.. care?" His eyes were suddenly serious. I was once again reminded of his previous act. He had swallowed a very large number of pills. That many pills can-- my thoughts were interrupted when Earl fell, seemingly lifeless, to the ground
*flashback* It was the first time I had gone out walking. My parents had had a fight, and I couldn't take it anymore. I just walked out the door. A couple hours later, when I got back, they were waiting for me. "Luana, dear..." my mother came and hugged me, "Luana, what were you thinking?! We were so worried; we thought you'd run away!" My father looked a little angry, with his brow furrowed. I explained how I was upset, and how I needed to go. I told them I wanted to do it more often. "Luana." My father finally spoke after several minutes of my mother's objections. "Luana, everyone has things they need to do when they are frustrated.. If all you need to do is walk, go ahead. But, stay away from dangerous places. Also, always carry 50 cents in your shoe, just in case." They actually had said more than that, but if all I needed to do was carry a couple of quarters, I'd do it. *end of flashback* I ran to a nearby payphone by the sidewalk. I took off my shoe, and shook out the change in it. From there, I dialed 911. "Hello, what is your emergency?"
Soon, an ambulance was there. The paramedics brought me to the hospital with them. While I was in the hallway, they did some kind of flush. I'm not sure what exactly that meant, but it sounded disgusting. Somewhere in the rush, his parents arrived. Earl's mom was tall, blonde, and with a lot of jangly things on her attire. His father was in a suit, but looked like he had been a football player at some time, too. "Oh, are you the young woman who saved our son's life?" The jangly mother smiled at me, "Thank you so much. He never stops talking about you, you know." She winked at me. "Thank you," the father said sincerely, "He is very lucky to have you as a friend." He was quickly ushered into the room by his wife. I was feeling a little bit... guilty. Why was I there? I wasn't his dream girl, like his mom seemed to think. I wasn't even his friend! And while I saved his life, I didn't really care about whether he was okay or not. He was alive, wasn't he? So why, WHY was I still here? It seemed like every time I was about to leave, a helpful nurse would come and tell me how nice I was, saving my boyfriend. The police came by, and a big gruff looking officer kept telling me how proud he was of me. I felt like I was there for hours, which I probably was. Suddenly, his mother came out and said, "He's awake! We'll let you talk to him.. alone." She winked at me, once again. The doctor, nurses, and his father all filed out of the room. Despite my protests, I was pushed into the windowless room. I slowly turned around and faced Earl, who looked disheveled and quite frankly, comical. He was in a flowery pink hospital gown, with an IV sticking out of his arm. I crossed my arms, and tried not to smile, but I felt my lips twitch. "Come here," he said, patting the chair beside him. I went and sat in it, all humor gone from my mind. I really didn't want to be here. I knew what he was going to say, and I didn't want to be his friend. "Look," we both said at the same time. I let him go first. "Luana,... I took the pills to kill myself. I wanted to die. But then, you randomly appeared and you actually cared about what I did.. and you saved me." He looked up at me from his hands, "Thank you." I was bewildered. He was Trying to kill himself? I felt the urge to smack him again. "That's so stupid!" I eventually burst out. He stared at me, eyes wide. "Why the hell would you DO that?! That's so.. so stupid!" I yelled at him, "You have a family, money, food, shelter, friends, Everything! You have people who care about you! You have everything!" I was furious, and standing up now. Earl's eyes softened and he kissed my hand. "You do care." I calmed down, and said, "No, I really don't." I started to walk away. "Where are you going?" "I'm leaving. I've actually really wanted to leave ever since I got here. I don't care about you, and I didn't even want to see you." I told him, honestly. "Yet you stayed." He raised an eyebrow, "and you came to talk to me." I stared at him, exasperated. "Why else would you get so angry?" He said, smugly, "You, Luana, care very much about me, unlike everyone else here." He smiled at me as I ditched him.
XD pretty silent over here... What do you guys think?? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Despite the way I acted towards him, I was actually worried about Earl. What had brought him to the point of suicide? He had everything a normal suicidal person would want (well, at least I thought so). Maybe it was some kind of genetic depression. I've heard of people having depression run in the family. After I ditched him, I ran into my parents right outside the door. Apparently, they had been called by the hospital, to let them know where I was. "Luana Mona! Why didn't you tell us you had a boyfriend?" My mother said sternly. She was more concerned about the prospects of a boyfriend than my safety? "He's a stranger. I've never met him before." I automatically covered up, but I didn't really know why. I had always been like this, covering up unnecessary, yet sensitive, things with white lies. It was partially true, though. I had never actually Talked to Earl before... My father looked impressed. "You saved a stranger? Wow, I had no idea my daughter was such a good Samaritan!" His eyes twinkled. I sighed, "I'm really not so despicable as everyone thinks I am." It was true. It seemed like everyone looked at me as cold, regal young adult. Was that really who I am? Somewhere in the process of building my emotional wall, I'd lost my ambitions. Somewhere in that time, I forgot who I was, and all the obvious things that defined my character. I wondered, 'who am I, really?'
After we got home from the hospital, it was late in the night. It appeared like I actually was at the hospital for a few hours, because my parents were only there for about 15 minutes. I headed to bed quickly; I was exhausted. When I woke up, I saw that I had slept in way too late. My parents had already left to work, and it was too late to go to school. As I wandered into the kitchen (because what teenager doesn't just wander naturally to the refrigerator?), I noticed a note on the table. It read: "Luana, We are at work, if you wake up and we are not here. You went through a lot yesterday! Try to rest. Love, Mom and Dad" It looked like mom had actually written the note. Dad just signed his name. Not that it made a difference. I was grateful to have the day off. After doing a few chores around the house, I decided to go on a walk. I took a shorter route through the neighborhood today. It wasn't until I reached the park that I knew my destination. I looked towards the swings, where I found Earl. Today, there was a young mother playing with her twin toddlers. They looked happy. I wondered briefly what I was going to do about Earl. The question was once again brought to mind: What had pushed him to the point of suicide? He really did have everything, and I'll admit I was a bit envious. I was curious about it, and that made me wonder if I cared. I wasn't sure. But even if I did care, why should I make him my friend? It was tempting. I really wouldn't mind having a friend, as long as they held true. But would he be a real friend? Everyone deserved a chance, don't they? But,... what if he hurt me the way so many others had in the past? It was almost irresistible to reach out to friendship, but remembering my past experiences, I shrunk away from the idea. "I won't be Earl's or anyone else's friend." I vowed aloud to cold, mocking November air.
I was brought out of my thoughts as it started to rain. The woman and her toddlers were gone; they probably had been for a while. How long was I there? The sun was now setting. I immediately headed home. Surprisingly, my parents still weren't home by the time I came through the front door. I was even more tired than before, so I headed to my bed. That night was full of restless, dreamless sleep. ~~~~~~~~ The next day was Saturday. I was woken by the shrilly phone echoing throughout the house. It seemed like my parents had already left to work. They're always working, and we have always needed it. There were too many debts and bills to pay, and I couldn't do a thing. They insisted that I put all my energy into schooling. The ringing stopped abruptly. "Hey, Luana? Is this your number? I found your parent's name in the phone book.. um, so this Shalae! We go to school together and-" Shalae's voicemail was interrupted by me hastily answering the phone. "Hello?" I wondered why she was calling me. Not many people have this number. "Oh! Luana! Hey, this is Shalae!" She sounded surprised that I answered. "Hello. May I ask is there anything you need?" I answered politely. I've said this before, but I keep people, even peers, at a distance. "Oh, yes, um.." she sounded flustered. Perhaps I sounded too robotic. She began again, more confident. "Luana, a few of the kids from school are all going to the hospital to go see Earl. We were wondering if you wanted to come?" "You know what happened?" I was dumbfounded that everyone just happened to know Earl was suicidal. "Well,.. no." She admitted sheepishly, "But someone's grandma was at the hospital, and while they were visiting, they saw you there and there was a sign on the door that had Earl's name. So,.. well, we just thought you could maybe tell us what happened? We're all really worried about Earl! We need him for the state playoffs!" Shalae.. I remembered now. She was a cheerleader, and it looked like she was using her skills on me to pry for information about the latest rumor. "I really don't think it would be best for me to go. Thank you for the invitation, though." My pride flared as I deftly sidestepped her question, leaving her no choice but to hang up. "Well, you were there, weren't you? You didn't.. hurt him, right?" She improvised suggestively. It looked like I couldn't make her hang up without agreeing to go. I sighed, "No, I helped him. I'm not the reason he's hurt. Also, I'm pretty sure he's going to be fine. He's not really.. hurt." There was silence on the other side of the line. I could practically hear her trying to send me peppy telepathic messages to tell her more. "Look, I'll go, okay? What.. what time.. are we all going?" I struggled to find friendly, conversational words through my frustration. "Oh, fantastic!" She purred, and I swear I could feel her breathing down my neck. "We'll be there in an hour. Where do you live?" She fished for even more information. "Actually, why don't I meet you.. at your house?" I turned the heat on her. It turns out my "heat" wasn't very hot. She had no problem giving me the address to her fancy house in her fancy neighborhood. She gave me the code to get through the gate at the entrance to her neighborhood. Even though I resisted, one hour later I was trapped in an expensive car, with popular kids hanging out of it. Unfortunately, they all wanted to know a little more about me. The ride to the hospital was awkward. I was going to see Earl.
The luscious vehicle pulled into the parking lot. I, being wedged in between two big jocks, had to wait to get out. I found it odd that they all just joked and laughed all the time. Were these people ever serious? I mean, we were going to a hospital. But then, I was laughing too. Their constant merriment was contagious. I knew it was all superficial, though. These other kids weren't my friends. I didn't even know their names. I had fun with them, though, and I figured it'd be fun while it lasted. Entering the hospital, we saw a gift shop. "Oh, lets go get some balloons!" One girl giggled. Shalae and the girl bought a bunch of heart shaped balloons. We continued on our way to Earl's room. A woman at the hospital's front desk looked at us curiously. She smiled as we walked over to her. "Hi, could you tell us where Earl Mackengrey's room is?" Shalae asked the woman. "Earl Mackengrey?" The woman typed his name into her computer, "Let's see... Oh, I'm sorry, kids! It looks like Earl left this morning." She looked sympathetically at all of us, holding over a dozen balloons. Wouldn't something like this ruin their good mood? They had an entire afternoon all planned, but it was all ruined. "No matter!" Shalae smiled, "could you tell us where the children's in-patient wing is?" They all grinned, looking even more excited than before. It appeared as if none of the other kids were surprised at this question, except me. I was confused at where we were going, especially since Earl had already left. Just what was Shalae planning?