Legend of KaW - Feather's Version (Feedback)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by FeatherHunter, May 26, 2012.

  1. Post feedback here ;)

    All feedback wanted.
     
  2. Feather I looovveee it. Its so mysteriiiiiouuusss. :3 and btw thank u soo much for putting me in the story, u didn't have to do that ^.^ great job jay!
     
  3. Lol, I felt it was a little weak on your part but lol, if you disagree :D
     
  4. I think it's perfect ^_^
     
  5. What do you think will happen next?
     
  6. Hmm... Idk but I think he may go on some kind of quest to regain the memories. Or something else. Lol idk
     
  7. Wondering where and when this is taking place. Good story, but the time flow seems off.
     
  8. Iron like -_-
     
  9. It really isn't. The first flashback in the beginning talked about the events prior to that day.

    And tigris, we'll see.
     
  10. Kinda confuzzling me but it seems like Jason Bourne a bit.
     
  11. -.- Stora said she understood. Why can't y'all?

    In the first flashback, it's 4 AM, i think. We're gonna say it's Tuesday, 4 AM.

    Feather is thinking about Monday to himself.

    Feather is asked about his journey to Tige which he began Sunday night and ended Monday morning. Those are the only words TNO or TSM wants him to say or else he would have pulled more answers about other events like handing out quests if he wanted to know about them.

    Obviously something happened during that time or TNO/TSM wouldn't be so interested.

    The second flashback goes forward from the first to his prison cell. It's still Tuesday.

    The third goes forward from the second to his freedom and stuff. Then we're back in the present.
     
  12. This is better than the old one.
     
  13. I know, thank you :D
     
  14. Looking forward to the next chapters. Hopefully this'll be the one FF I can actually follow until the end
     
  15. Thank you, Winters.
     
  16. Just to quench you all's thirst, the title for Chapter One:

    Remembering a Body
     
  17. Nice story. Me like.
     
  18. Personally, I think there's a bit too much mysteriousness, and a little too much emphasis on Feather, but if that's the way it is, I see no other problems.
     
  19. Emphasis on Feather in what way? I mean, PART ONE is his story.