Kidnapped

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by XxBrooke_ParisXx, Feb 26, 2012.

  1. Chapter One

    "Sister, I'm going to bed now." My sister Rei called to me
    "Ok!! I'll be there soon." I replied
    I'm Briar Sanders, I'm 16, My ferternal twin sister is my best friend. Our mother got a job in Paris and left us, and my dad is in jail for... Certain reasons.
    I went upstairs to our bedroom and when I got up there I felt a co breeze.
    "Rei? Why didnt you close the window?"
    She didnt answer. She must've fallen asleep already. I went over to the window to close it and saw a rope ladder....
    "Um Rei?" I turned to her bed and she wasn't there!
    " REI!?!" I yelled
    I ran downstairs and grabbed the phone.
    *beep beep beep*
    "You've called 911 what's the emergency?" a womans voice said on the other end
    " My sister Rei was kidnapped!!"
    " Are you sure she's not just out of the house? When did you see her last?"
    " She was kidnapped! She went to our room and there was a ropeladder down the side of the house and she was gone!" I replied freaking out
    " Did she run away? Do you two not get along?" The women wouldn't stop asking questions! Was she really with the police station?!
    " We always get along! 24/7! There were mud footprints on the floor! Now are you gonna get the police or not!" I yelled
    " Calm down I'm sure she'll be ok." The lady TRIEd to say
    "YOUR CRAZY!!!! I BET UR NOT EVEN SOMEONE WHO WORKS WITH THE POLICE! DID U TAMPER WITH THIS NUMBER?!" I shrieked
    " Heh. I AM with the police! But I bet she's not kidnapped."
    *buzzzzzzzz*
    Ok that lady is crazy! Someone who works with the police doesn't hand up with you.

    *Beep beep beep*
    "Nnn Hello...?"
    "Blake is me Briar!"
    "Oh hey Bri, why are you calling so late?" Blake asked sleepily
    "It's Rei, she's been kidnapped!! I called the police but the lady wouldn't do anything!!"
    " WHAT?!?! Then we need to GO to the
    Police!" he replied in panic
    "No way! Something is going on there and I don't trust them a bit! I'm going myself to find Rei!"
    " You can't go yourself!!"
    " Just watch me." I said it a hushed tone
    " I'll come to."
     
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  3. it was horribly inadequate
     
  4. Really good story!!! The dramatic stuff came a little too soon, but good intro!!!
     
  5. This is a copycat of the movie Gone.
     
  6. I swear I didn't, I've never even heard of Gone!
     
  7. I thought this might be good....too bad it's plagiarized.
     
  8. @featherdumper

    go back to your closer noob
     
  9. I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF 'Gone'
     
  10. I HAVENT!!!!!!!!
     
  11. Calm down Celeste. Just request a delete and rewrite so it's different. It's fine.
     
  12. Awkward cause she's the owner of the clan I'm in.....
     
  13. Um sorry. This isn't that good.

    I just skipped most of it. Anyone who doesn't use paragraphs, I just give up.

    And also, try to build up the story a bit more before you bring in the drama. You don't really feel sorry for 'Rei' because you don't get to know her character.
     
  14. told you guys it sucked
     
  15. ^ For once, I agree with DBo. Sorry, Celeste.