It's A Long Story: Revamped

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Allioss, Jun 9, 2013.

  1. Please refrain from posting here, but rather on the feedback thread. Thank you.

    Normally a story such as this would begin with the introduction of the hero. The hero is someone, usually an underdog, thrust into a role as a major player in extravagant events and plots. They are noble and kind hearted, even when presented as less than savory, and more often than not quite likeable. Before we continue any farther I should have you know that there will be absolutely none of this fantasy in this particular tale. In fact, you will find this story's protagonist to be selfish, greedy, egocentric, and to be most unlikeable more times than not. Ah, but that is only one of her many charms. So, to get this journey off on a more traditional and well received start, we shall begin as many stories do and not enough don't: with a simple boy, an underdog, thrust into a role as a major player in an extravagant event that will shape the face of the world forever.

    It was a warm, sunny day in the meadow, as fine a day as ever there was. The tall oaks stood proud and strong; their ancient limbs swaying in the light breeze. A bird cooed from their branches, and clouds drifted like cotton across the sky. The river rolled lazily by, with ducks, swans, and other fowl swimming on the surface, their young ones trailing nearby. The sky was a lovely blue, and the town nestled snugly by the river was bustling with the expected excitement of lunchtime.

    Citizens paced through the streets, waving hello to their neighbors, and vendors cried out their wares and prices. Yes, the town of Migin was indeed a unique place. Here, elves and man lived in harmony, directly in the middle of the large river that separated the land of man and elf. In any other place, fighting would be breaking out, but here in Migin, the City of Harmony, there was only peace. It was a fine, fine day, and just as noon came to be, the church bell rang twelve times.

    Gong.

    Gong.

    Gong.

    Gong.

    Gong.

    Gong.

    Gong.

    Gong.

    Gong.

    Gong.

    Gong.

    Gong.



    It was at about this time precisely that Kakarias nearly soiled his pants.

    He scrambled up out of his bed hurriedly and pulled on a light grey robe with yellow embroidery that was several sizes too large. He quickly pulled a cap over his unruly brown hair and rushed down the stairs. Kakarias rushed through the halls of the Dome; Migin's magic school and pride and joy. Only the most gifted and talented magicians would find themselves walking these halls, and to prove their formidable skills they had to take frequent and thorough examinations. One of which, Kakarias had overslept.

    The young wizard sprinted through the halls, students already filling them up. Left turn, right turn, straight, duck, dodge the alchemy professor, left, right, straight...

    There it was, Kakarias's least favorite class: The Study of Monsters and Beasts, 206. The teacher hated him, and Kakarias knew it. But he needed to pass this class in order to graduate from his second year at the Dome. He gulped, and opened the door.

    The large classroom, built with long benches and desks, held three hundred students at maximum capacity. Right now, it held approximately zero of those three hundred students.. Kakarias turned his gaze to the right, where his professor sat at his desk. Papers were neatly sorted and curved spectacles sat on the bridge of the old wizard's long nose. He looked up at Kakarias through his white bushy eyebrows.

    "Eh? What is it?" He asked as he went back to grading tests.

    Kakarias gulped. "Uh, well, Professor, you see I overslept and, uh, missed the exam...Could...could I retake it?"

    "No." The teacher didn't look up from his work.

    "Please, sir! I need to pass this class to graduate from this year!" Kakarias pleaded. "Is there anything I can do for extra credit?"

    The professor grinned, and looked up into the young wizard's gray eyes. "You can work as an assistant to Wizard Fields. He needs someone to help gather information for his thesis."

    Kakarias visibly paled. “Please, sir, not Fields. He’s crazy! He spends everyday down there in the kennel...studying...m-monsters! You can’t expect me to work with him, he’s fired three assistants just last week, I won’t last a day, and then I’ll have to graduate late! I’ll be behind all my peers!”

    The elderly teacher rolled his eyes apathetically. “If you plan on being a wizard, Student...”

    “Engledoe,” Kakarias mumbled absent mindedly, obviously still very much worried at his apparent new job.

    “Eh?”

    The young wizard jumped. “Engledoe, sir.”

    The professor furrowed his brow. “What did you say your name was?”

    “...Kakarias.”

    “Oh...I’m sorry,” he replied with widened eyes “I...I didn’t know.”

    Kakarias mumbled something, turned out the door, and trudged to his room.

    “Poor boy,” the teacher muttered as he went back to grading papers.
     
  2. Prologue, Part Two

    Kakarias barged into his dorm room, slamming the door behind him. After breathing heavily, the young wizard climbed into the beckoning sheets of his bed. He stared at the ceiling, and knew that he wouldn't find any refuge in his dreams that night. Kakarias tried to stay awake for as long as he could, dreading what he would find when he fell asleep, but the effort was futile in the end. He drifted off into a nightmare that he had lived through many times before.

    “Engledoe! Engledoe, get over here this instant, or you’ll be my next test subject!” roared Orjun. He stood over Kakarias threateningly. The young wizard was now a young boy, awaking after a night of unrestful sleep atop a small pile of straw on a cobblestone floor. Kakarias fumbled to his feet, but was evidently not fast enough, as his master Orjun fired a magical bolt into his arm. The energy crackled in the air and the dirty young Kakarias clutched his arm, skin already blistering from the heat of the missile.

    “Never keep me waiting again, boy.” Orjun commanded coldly as his sickly green eyes stared into Kakarias’s grey ones. “Or it won’t be just a simple magic missile.”


    The warlock awoke in a cold sweat. His comfortable bed sheets had been kicked to the floor, and his pillow was halfway across the room. Kakarias’s brown hair stood on end, and a shiver went down his spine, lasting longer on the lower quarter of his back. Slowly, he arose out of bed.

    Reaching a hand backwards, he lightly touched his back and recoiled at his own touch. The young man ran his hair through his hands before getting dressed in melancholy. Just as Kakarias was heading out the door, he read a note stuck to the door handle, written in his own handwriting:

    “Lower Cells work begins today. Pick up pamphlet from front desk."

    Kakarias swore vividly as he hastily finished his morning routine. There were still many tangles in his ruby-streaked hair when he reached the front desk, fourteen levels below his dorm, but that was the least of his worries right now. Kakarias had to work with Fields. Crazy Fields.

    It seemed like everyone knew the truth about Fields’ sanity except for the staff of the Migin Magical Academy. He muttered on and on about how “the bloodsuckers are coming” and that they’ll “rip out your heart and eat it while you watch”. No one thought the all Fields’ research into the...field...of vampirism would actually be relevant, or even come to use at any point. But that all changed after the Academy managed to get their hands on a vampire about two months ago.

    It was the primary talk of many students’ conversations for quite a while, until they realized that Fields wouldn’t let anyone see the vampire. According to some rumors, the vampire was captured on a research expedition. Others say that it walked into the Academy of it’s own free will. One thing everyone agreed on, though, was that if it got loose, they were all running for the hills.

    Once in a lifetime learning opportunities aside, tales of vampires were told since childhood, and most students found it not worth the risk to keep one in the Dome. Who wouldn't, hearing the different stories. Vampires are creatures of the night. They steal. They pillage. They burn. They murder. They were above and beyond the average humanoid, yet completely lacking in humanity. Vampires only care for themselves and no one else. They are sinful. They are evil.

    Personally, Kakarias thought that there had to be at least one vampire that didn’t live up to this stereotype. Someone that just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Someone that was just a normal person, until they were whisked away from their life forever. Someone who didn’t want that dark power given to them, didn’t want to bear that burden. Someone like him.

    Sure, Kakarias wasn’t a vampire, but his past sure wasn’t flowers and fairies. Yet, despite his opinions and hopes about the morals and motivations of the vampire that was currently being held in the Lower Cells, he most certainly was not interested in the least in meeting the creature. Kakarias believed that it would be fine to read about it in books and such, yet to...examine it...talk to it...just the thought of it had the young warlock shaking in his cowhide boots.

    Kakarias snapped out of his thoughts as the front desk’s secretary handed him a newly made, fresh piece of parchment. With a defeated sigh, he began to read.
     
  3. THE RULES AND QUIRKS OF VAMPIRISM

    Written and Published by Chester B. Fields, Eighth Year Wizard at the Migin Magical Academy.

    I. The Vampire can go up to one week without feeding upon the blood of a humanoid. Approximately 1 gallon of blood is required per week in order to maintain strength and longevity.

    II. The Vampire is immune to the effects of time, sickness, and pain, aside from specific circumstances explained later in this paper.

    III. The Vampire has extruded canines that protrude further when threatened or when in the stage known as bloodlust.

    IV. The Vampire experiences extreme pain when exposed to holy objects of Kraemin, Silvanee, Z’rith, and Mord. Holy objects include blessed water and weapons, and the sun (as it was made by our dear Lord Kraemin). Further reactions still in testing.

    V. The Vampire is capable of intelligent thought, and seems to understand the Elvish language. I am as of yet unsure if this is true for all of its species.

    VI. Vampirism is passed by the Vampire's venom, which is released when the Vampire is in bloodlust. From this we can draw the conclusion that the vampire has poisonous fangs, and that vampirism can’t be contracted from a normal bite.

    VII. The Vampire's venom does not have the same effect on animals as it does on humanoids. The animals in question convulse, spit blood, and then die.

    VII. The Vampire has unnatural strength. Whether this is apparent for all its kind remains to be seen.

    IX. The Vampire has golden eyes that contradict the known fact of vampires having silver eyes. Whether this trait was acquired because of previous gender, race, or other characteristics remain to be seen.

    X. The Vampire is able to heal itself using its venom as a kind of healing liquid. This does not work on nonvampires.

    XI. The Vampire enters the stage known as bloodlust when exposed to large amounts of blood, or simply blood (after being deprived of it for one week).

    It is important to note that the Vampire is not a person. It is a monster. It kills. It hunts. We are it's prey. Treat it as the monster that it is, no matter what it says.
     
  4. Thank you, but for future reference please post on the feedback thread :p
     
  5. Bump! Working on Prologue, Part Three.
     
  6. Prologue, Part Three

    As Kakarias finished reading the paper, he let out his breath, ran a hand through his hair, and started walking. The young warlock hadn't really expected to actually work with the vampire, considering no one else had even seen it before. Or had they? Perhaps the previous assistants of Crazy Fields had been made part of an Oath. An eighth year wizard like Fields would easily be able to create an Oath, which bound its participants into the agreement that the Oath is made of. Kakarias had already been in one Oath before, and he never wanted to again.

    When the warlock finished his thoughts, he looked around to find that his feet had taken him to the entrance to the Lower Cells. More commonly called by the students of the Academy as the Kennel, because of its animalistic occupants.

    The students of the Migin Magical Academy had many various nicknames for things, the main reason for this being that their true names were much too long. For instance, the Migin Magical Academy was usually called the Dome, because of its shape. Also, the common exams that they had to take, Regular Examination and Evaluation Assessments, were simply referred to as regs.

    Kakarias gulped as he heard a faint moan coming from the Kennel. He could only wonder as to what exotic and fantastical creatures were kept inside. The young man closed his grey eyes and muttered a protection spell, even though he knew that he would have no use for it. Then, with a deep sigh, Kakarias opened the reinforced oak door before him.

    What lay in front of Kakarias's eyes was significantly less grandiose than what he expected. While he had the picture of a large and grand zoo of sorts in his mind, the reality of the Lower Cells was that their nickname was far more accurate. Cages took up the walls from grey stone floor to grey stone ceiling. The young warlock disappointedly walked down the stairs, and into what appeared to be the center of the Kennel.

    Kakarias looked on the back of the pamphlet he had been given, and found a roughly sketched map of the Kennel. It was laid out in a grid formation, and the assumption that he was in the center proved to be correct. Kakarias examined the map again, and found that he had to walk to the north western corner of the Kennel.

    Along the way, the warlock saw many strange, exotic, and more than a few frightening creatures. He saw a shark with a crocodile tail and legs, bugs as big as his fist with claws like letter openers, and a green thing as tall as him with an extended, thick neck, hooves feet, and an open mouth. It was continually running in place, and Kakarias wondered if it had suffered head trauma.

    As he finally reached the north western corner, Kakarias saw a large, reinforced oak door, shimmering with protective spells and magics. As he approached, he heard a deep, low growl. Turning around slowly, Kakarias saw a large cage directly opposite the door. In the dim light, he could only make out large red eyes. Struck with sudden curiosity, the warlock strode forward and took a closer look at the beast inside.

    It was a wolf- no, a bear- no, definitely a wolf, the size of a very large bear, with long and shaggy grey fur, a large tail, and big feet with claws to match. The wolf's face was covered in scars, and one ear was tattered. The most fearsome aspect of the beast was the red eyes, seemingly glowing, and showing that the wolf was extremely angry, but his eyebrows seemed to show...concern?

    Kakarias had always been a dog person, so he sat down next to the cage and tried to talk to the wolf-beast.

    "Hello, there. My name's Kakarias. What's your's?"

    "Fraen-dugoth. Translated from elvish, it roughly means Wolfgang." said a voice behind him.
     
  7. Prologue, Part Four

    Kakarias jumped at the sudden noise, used to the background noise of the Kennel's inhabitants. He quickly stood up and turned around to see who had spoken. It was a very tall and lanky man in greyish-blue robes, indicating that he was a Magical Creatures major. The man had closely cropped hair and a toothy grin.

    "Oh!" Kakarias realized, "You must be Fields. My name is Kakarias, I'm your new assistant. And also, how can Fraen-dugoth mean Wolfgang? I assume it's a proper name, so shouldn't it be untranslatable?"

    Fields nodded. "The thing is, Fraen-dugoth literally translates as a gang of wolves- a wolf gang, if you would. Calling him Wolfpack wouldn't make much sense, and I'm not very good with Elvish, so I call him Wolfgang. Isn't that right, Wolfgang?" He said to the beast.

    Wolfgang growled.

    "Haha, that's Wolfgang..." Fields chuckled, but he was obviously more frightened than amused.

    There was an awkward silence before Fields continued. "So, I'm guessing that you're extremely curious about the vampire, right? Let's go and have a look, shall we?" The older wizard proclaimed happily as he clapped his hands together. Kakarias found that he already quite liked the man.

    They went on through the door, Fields leading the way. The duo entered into a small observation room, with a long desk before an equally long window looking into the vampire's chamber. Kakarias was surprisingly anxious to see the creature.

    Fields pulled a rope hanging from the ceiling, and the previously dark chamber now became moderately lit. Kakarias moved to the window and took in what lay before him.

    The chamber was a room about twenty by thirty feet, made of the usual stone of the Kennel. It had various tables and equipment strewn about it, and a skylight in the far right corner. There was a large mirror on the left wall.

    But obviously the most interesting feature of the room was, in fact, the vampire, who looked significantly less monstrous than Kakarias had envisioned. The instant the lights flickered on, it had snapped its head up and looked directly at Kakarias.
     
  8. Chapter One

    Kakarias's gaze was held by sharp golden eyes. The face that stared back at him was young and determined, and also unusually pale. On the vampire's right cheek was a scar going down to the jaw. The warlock saw that the vampire was a young woman, with startling crimson red hair. She was slim and clad in a long, brown tunic tied hastily at her waist with a length of rope. The vampire was bound to a large table of sorts, upright at about a forty-five degree angle. Her arms and legs were tightly cuffed.

    "She looks unusual," Kakarias said with a furrowed brow. "Was she human?"

    "No," answered Fields "a half elf."

    That explained her angular features, and now Kakarias saw her pointed ears. He was excited. He hadn't ever thought that he would be able to see a vampire!

    "Wait...I thought you hadn't let anyone see the vampire before?" Kakarias asked slowly, still unable to tear his gaze away from those hypnotic golden eyes.

    "Oh, no, I have." replied Fields cheerily.

    "Then why hasn't anyone ever said so?"

    Fields chuckled nervously and ran a hand through his short hair. "Well...you see...the others requested a memory wipe,"

    Kakarias's eyes widened. "What?! Really? Why?"

    Fields answered solemnly. "They said that they couldn't stand it's eyes. Thought they were always watching, even away from this chamber. And, ah, well, you'll see."

    Kakarias gulped. The vampire hadn't blinked a single time yet. "So, I'm r-really going to...meet her?"

    "Yes." Fields nodded, then brightened. "Come along now! It may have forever, but we don't!"

    The cheery wizard beckoned to Kakarias as he opened the door into the vampire's chamber and entered, Kakarias close behind. The younger wizard shook his head in an attempt to steer his thoughts away from those golden eyes.

    As the pair entered the room, the crimson-haired vampire's stare never left them. They walked up to her, and Fields spoke.

    "Hello, there! How're you today?"

    She didn't respond, but continued to defiantly glare at Fields.

    "She reminds me of Wolfgang," Kakarias said, more to himself than out loud.

    "Wouldn't surprise me," Fields answered "found them together."

    Kakarias didn't respond, but continued to look at the creature before him. She was slim, and rather short. Now that he was closer he could tell rather easily that she was a half elf.

    "Well, I'll leave you two to it. Have fun, Kakarias!" Fields exclaimed happily as he dashed out of the room. Kakarias looked over to the window, and saw that it was only a mirror on this side. A shiver went down his spine. How had she seen him?

    He slowly looked back over to her.

    "H-hello," Kakarias stammered, as he usually did when he was nervous. "I'm K-Kakarias. What's y-your name?"

    The vampire looked at him curiously. This one hadn't poked or prodded her yet. It hadn't tried to look in her mouth, or tried to cut her up. It sounded as if he'd asked her something. She turned her head to the side and looked at him, puzzled.

    Kakarias hadn't expected that response. Didn't she speak Common? She was half-human... Of course! A half-elf! And it had even mentioned in the pamphlet that she knew Elvish. Having grown up for the most part in Migin, Kakarias knew a fair share of Elvish.

    "Wan naen, het byrr?" Kakarias questioned, the Elvish translation of his previous inquiry.

    The vampire raised her eyebrows. What a curious question. What was her name? It would've been something others called her...
    She tried to think back as far as she could remember. Her earliest memory, right at the end, someone called her something, what was it...

    "Alkeyn-varrin," she answered finally, in a dry but melodic voice. "Het su byrr naen Alkeyn-varrin."
    I hold the name Alkeyn-varrin.

    Kakarias was confused. Alkeyn-varrin? Definitely not a typical elvish name, or even a half elvish name. That's when he realized what it meant. It wasn't a name, it was a word. Two words, in Common. Most likely what elves had called her. Alkeyn-varrin meant 'vampire', but the direct Common translation was 'poisonous fangs'.

    "Alkeyn-varrin," Kakarias spoke after a short silence, "Het su byrr naen Kakarias Engledoe. Ken peflia baet?"
    I hold the name Kakarias Engledoe. Can we be friends?
     
  9. Chapter One, Part Two

    Alkeyn had to fight hard to hold back a laugh as Kakarias asked the question. She already had Fraen-dugoth; she needed nor desired any other companions. But while the human in Alkeyn was laughing, the elf was calculating the benefits of being on the young man's good side.

    One. She could learn Common from him, decreasing the time needed to complete her goal.

    Two. She could learn magic from him, making the completion of her goal exponentially easier.

    Three. She could use deceit to make him believe they were friends, so that he would help her escape.

    These conclusions were reached only a few seconds after Kakarias asked his question. The red headed vampire gave him a small smile and looked at him through distrustful eyes.

    "I do not know you, and I do not trust you." she spoke in Elvish. Kakarias's face was downcast. "But it is so lonely here, and I am afraid." Alkeyn looked at him with sad puppy-dog eyes. "I...I would very much like to be your friend."

    Kakarias gave her a warm smile as she finished speaking. Maybe his hopes were true! Maybe this vampire was a good person at heart! This was fantastic!

    "I'm glad that we're friends, Alkeyn. But I'm going to have to teach you Common. My Elvish isn't very good."Kakarias answered happily. Alkeyn nodded.

    Outwardly, Alkeyn wore a small, hopeful smile; inwardly, she smirked. Phase one of her escape plan was coming along nicely. Humans were simply so easy to manipulate.

    Kakarias spent the next few days teaching Alkeyn basic Common. Fields had allowed her to be chained to the wall instead of on the table, so that she could use her hands. He was surprised at her quick progress: she was already able to read and write in the Common alphabet, although only at the level of a very young child.

    When the young wizard asked her how she learned so quickly, Alkeyn simply answered "I have my ways." Kakarias was thoroughly perplexed by this, and decided that soon he would have the girl take an intelligence test. As he was thinking, Alkeyn spoke up.

    "Kakarias?" She talked quickly, often jumbling up words, but somehow her elven accent smoothed them out again.

    "Hmm?" The young wizard looked up from an alchemy textbook. Ever since he had met Alkeyn, Kakarias hadn't had as much time for studying as he would have likes.

    "What does my name mean, in Common?" Alkeyn asked innocently.

    The question took Kakarias off guard, and he stumbled with his response. "It, ah, means..." he sighed, "poisonous fangs."

    "Poisonous fangs," Alkeyn repeated.

    "Yep."

    "Like this?" She took out a chalk board that Kakarias had lent her and started to sound out the letters.

    "Poi...son...ous...fangs..." the vampire muttered to herself. When she finished, Alkeyn proudly held out the chalkboard for Kakarias to see.

    Kakarias smiled, grinned then started to laugh. Alkeyn's ears seemed to press back against her head like an embarrassed cat.

    "What is so laughable about my writing?" The girl asked, pouting.

    "It's just that it isn't spelled Poizynus Feingz, Alkeyn," Kakarias answered, still smiling.

    "Hmph. The name is mine, and I can spell it as I wish to."

    "Really? So you're going to go around calling yourself Poizynus Feingz?" Kakarias replied sarcastically.

    "I actually do not have any immediate travel plans," she answered dryly, "but I do quite like the name."

    "Alright, but Poizynus is too long."

    "Speak for yourself..." the vampire muttered.

    Kakarias didn't seem to notice. He simply smiled and said "I know! Your nickname can be Poiz."