My soul belong to Death He comes to me in rest To give me his eternal breath His cold hand on my chest His power he bestow upon me To make all who's time comes bleed Finally, the penguin lord is free. I am free. My first order of business, make a new item preview. Behold, all mortals, Searing Pickle! His scream never ceases. His shriek so terrifying, your enemies will stay away from your kingdom, no matter what you do, or how big your kingdom is. The Searing Pickle's screams will bring you joy and occasionally, arousal. No more need for Viagra, now, you have the Searing Pickle. You're welcome. There is, however, one side effect. If you don't keep the Searing Pickle's flame maintained, your kingdom will burn down and you will die. Sadly, we lost one of our testers, AshesOfEden, this way last week. Before we get to testers 2 and 3, here's a message from our sponsors! Are YOU tired of sony's failed playstation portable system? I know I am! So I decided to make the same exact thing, only difference, mine is filled with PCP! You're welcome! Now let us continue by asking our still alive testing interns what they thought of the Searing Pickle! Hi there, tester 2! Tester 2: Hello How did you like the Searing Pickle? Tester 2: I...I loved it...yeah...um it helped with...bad guys. Wonderful to hear! Do you think people will love this item? Tester 2: *gulp* Yes...I think people will really love the loud...painful...scream. Awesome! Well, thank you tester 2! Now let us move on to tester 3! Hello, tester 3! Tester 3: **** you. Okay... *gunshot* Well, anyways, here are the stats. You read them while I dump these "yard trimmings" in the official Penguin Gaming Dumpster. Attack: 0 Defense: 1,000,000,000 Spy Attack: 0 Spy Defense: 1,000,000,000 Insanity: 100,000,000,000,000 Thank you for listening. The Searing Pickle will be sold in these following stores: Target Safeway Fred Meyer Olive Garden Nike Amazon 7-11 All hotdog stands in America The Searing Pickle will be released 11/12/14. It will cost $999.99