I don't know why I feel the need to tell you people stuff. Maybe it's therapeutic. Maybe it's your ability to listen and offer sound advice. I don't know. Regardless. Last weekend I ate my cat. And, I'm not joking. I. Ate. My. Cat. As most men with a decent pair can attest, when a group of testosterone filled animals get to sitting around drinking, stupid **** happens. My now deceased cat, Kramer, will be a part of me forever. Well, at least the next 2 days. Here's what happened... After hunting for the day, I ended up being the only dude that did not kill a deer. I was not upset though. I was spending too much time scaring off my buddies targets. Good stuff. So, many hours later, we were all pretty drunk. Unloading our gear and skinning deer. Grill was going, and venison was being seared. In strolls Kramer. He was sniffing the deer and did what some cats that are stupid do, he turns to pee on the corpse. My brother, whom killed the deer, fires a single shot into the head of my 6 year old pet. Killing him instantly. Rage, fear, sadness....all in an instant. I begin to choke my brother. The scuffle turned into blows and eventually laughter. I couldn't believe he shot my cat. It was both horrifying and the funniest thing I could ever imagine. Anyways, we skinned his headless body, cut him up and cooked him. It wasn't actually that bad. Despite the fact he was a beloved pet of my family, he was quite delectable. My children wept, but because it was dinner time, we had to order them to eat. "Waaaa I miss Kramer!" SHUT UP AND EAT YOUR KRAMER! I'll probably go to hell for this whole thing, but, it was a touching tribute to a dear friend and pet. We'll miss you buddy.
You know, I have always wondered why people bury their dead pets. It's a waste of perfectly good meat! I mean, I could understand if it was a finch or a parakeet or a mouse - not much meat worth eating there. But a dead dog/cat - that's like 5 - 20 lbs of food. And omfg I can't believe you made your kids eat him. They're gonna be traumatized for life. What did Mrs. The Deuce say?