Meh. I try my hand at writing, let me know what you think. ___________ The group of five stepped forward, into the large cavern. Each one had beautiful, glimmering scalemail, each in a different color. Red, blue, golden, silver, and black. The gold one stepped forward, obviously the leader. A sword was held in his hands, along with a gold shield, the likeness of some draconic beast carved into it. The rest fanned out behind him, weapons being drawn. Two swords, a bow, and a magical staff, which crackled with energy. The group looked around with unease. "Disfantilu! We know you are here!" cried the gold knight. From the back of the cavern, in the shadows, was a deep growl. A voice, deep and powerful, which spoke with the wisdom of ages, replied. "You knights of Garilun, dare enter my domain? My place of power?" the being drew itself from cover, and the group flinched. It was a dreadful creature. It was a dragon, easily twenty feet high, thirty long. It had massive plates across its back and chest, colored a deep crimson. On its underbelly lay the same looking scales that the humans wore. It, Disfantilu, stared down at the group with malicious, yellow eyes. Fire, a bright orange, spurted in short bursts from its nostrils. It was a dragon. "You DARE enter my sanctuary, to slay ME? Your arrogance is astounding. Now, face your end!" the dragon cried, its thousands of pounds charging at the knights. They scattered, though the Red clipped one, throwing him against the wall, where he fell to the ground. As the dragon turned, several arrows hit its hide, to no avail. It glared at the red knight, who was cornered. The wizard in black desperately threw a shield of magic around him, as the great dragon breathed fire. In a great spurt of burning white heat, the knight was surrounded by fire. The walls around him melted into lava, his armor heated unbearably, but he survived. The crimson armor was now a dull red, seeming to be dripping. The knights paid no mind. The blue armored thrusted his spear into the dragon's foot, which caused it to roar in pain. It convulsed the massive paw, throwing the knight before he could release the spear, his body flung out of the cave. The dragon turned to face the others, when an arrow hit him, in the eye, and a bolt of magic lightning in the other. He roared in agony as his vision dissipated, stomping around, nearly squishing the party. Eventually, the pain in dragon form became too high, and he began to shrink. The knights had regrouped, and formed a semi-circle around the fast shrinking beast, which quickly took a human appearance, dressed in the same color red armor as the near-melted knight. The man looked at the knights, his human body unharmed, a fiery, red longsword in his hand. He charged, swinging prematurely, a wall of fire flying at the group. They huddled behind dragonhide shields, protected for the most part, and they charged, while the silver and black stood back, ready to launch arrow or magic strike. The first to meet the Red was the blue knight, his spear thrusting in towards the dragon's gut. The human-body twisted, and dodged the spear, colliding with the knight. With a grunt, the blue's breath was taken from the impact. The dragon's hand glowed a bright white, and with the heat of his hottest fire, pressed it into the blue's chest-guard. The metal collapsed instantly, scorching his skin and causing collateral damage. The knight was tossed to the side to smolder, as an arrow streaked in, and was batted to the ground by the red longsword. The red knight then charged. The dragon's sword met his in the air, and sheared the blade in the middle, the metal clanging to the floor. The weapon useless, the knight threw the hilt, and crouched, drawing a dagger. A kick to the face send him sprawling, but before the dragon could finish the job, an arrow slammed into his chest, damaging his armor, constricting the breathing. Quickly, the dragon started shifting back to his true form, which was still blinded in one eye, but the lighting strike had worn off. The sorcerer and archer pestered the dragon, but with a scorching burst of flame, were forced to scatter. As the two earlier knights regained their senses, the gold charged alone. His speed and strength were increased by a spell from the black knight, and he leapt for the still-changing dragon's head. As it reached its full height, the knight landed on his nose, looking down into the menacing eyes. "Hello."
Pretty damn good! Just tweak the grammar a LITTLE bit, and add a few adjectives, and you'll be well on your way to success in FanFic!
The dragon crossed his eyes looking at the warrior, not moving. The golden knight balanced carefully, sword upraised. The others, on the ground, were watching as well. The knight suddenly sprinted for the one good eye, and the dragon convulsed, nearly throwing the human off. Desperately, the shining-armored man slammed his sword down, stabbing into the dragon's maw, and preventing the warrior from being thrown. The dragon roared in agony, mouth spitting fire. The knight turned away, facial hair burned away, head hair singed and burning, but he was still alive. "Kalius!" cried the silver armored archer, their voice obviously female. The gold knight, Kalius, had no time to speak. He pulled himself back onto the dragon's maw, which had stopped shaking. He left the sword in its mouth, drawing his dagger. As he neared the dragon's eye, he realized it would not nearly be enough to blind it. As the dragon, too, realized this, it simply went back to trying to stomp the other knights, nearly succeeding a few times. Kalius was nearly bucked in the process, but managed to keep his balanced. He had extinguished the fire on his head, but he was still riding a dragon, and a thirty foot trip to the ground would not be fun. Suddenly, Kalius knew the answer. He looked to the fallen blue knight, who still groaned in pain, but was standing, despite his wrecked dragonhide armor. "Jorue! Throw the spear!" Kalius cried. The blue knight startled, then looked up, and picked up the spear. He hurled it towards Kalius, who plucked it out of the air, and slammed it towards the dragon's eye. It roared in agony as the world went dark for it, as the sight was diminished. It jerked its head wildly, preventing Kalius from reaching the brain, and throwing him off the side. Luckily, the black-armored wizard slowed his fall down, stopping the certain injury of the fall. The giant draconic beast thrashed around, acidic blood spilling from the wounds, which the warriors scrambled to avoid. They were ready now. The dragon was due to change back to its human form, any second. The dragon needed time to heal, and that was when the warriors would go for the kill. Sure enough, the dragon shrank, the spear in its eye clattering to the ground, the sword in its jaw doing likewise. The warriors retrieved their respective weapons, as the dragon finally took the shape of a human, a bleeding hole in his chest where the arrow had hit. He was about to charge again, when heavy chains of magic were laid upon him. The dragon was about to puff the magic away into the wind, when another arrow slammed into his stomach. The dragon doubled over, in pain. This was the chance. Kalius sprinted forward, just as the dragon righted himself, and lunged. The sword caught him where the human heart would be, and Kalius wrenched the sword free. As the dragon collapsed, it began to go back to its true form before it died. The knights assembled around it, streaked in blood. The red, Burrin, and Jorue seemed to have the worst wounds, and the black armored set to helping them, while Kalius, and the archer, Despie, started skinning the dragon's belly. "Your armor isn't any good any more," said Kalius over his shoulder, to the two knights. "You both will have to wear red for now," Jorue looked disgusted for a moment. "Red? Really?" Kalius nodded, and he sighed, consenting, as his wounds were healed. "Sere, hurry up, we need to hurry," Kalius said to the black armored wizard, Sere. He nodded, finishing the last of the bandages and poultices he was applying to the wounds. "Now, let's find the treasure hoard."
Better, but something's still missing.... Try putting personality into your characters. Don't force it in, though, just add the personality as if you were writing normally. It sounds complicated, but it's not. Doing it will make a huge difference
The team limped into the next section of the cave, and gaped. Heaps of riches, thousands upon thousands of gold coins, trinkets, and gems had been piled over the dragon's immortal life. "By the Seeker," Kalius said, astounded. "This could fund the Knighthood for centuries." Sere threw a magical ball of light up to the ceiling, fully illuminating the room, and the group slammed to a halt, stopping their advance. The room was full of dragon eggs, each one close to hatching. Though not even close to the power of a fully grown dragon, the brood of fifty or so eggs would easily overpower them. "Walk lightly, friends. If anybody touches an egg, we all die," Kalius warned, and the group nodded, slowly shoving the treasures into numerous bags. They looked warily at the eggs as they backed out of the room, when a curse came up from Jorue, who still wore his mangled armor, since the new red armor wasn't made yet. The entire group looked at him. His elbow had hit an egg, and it was shaking. A small draconic head crunched out of the eggshell, and screeched. The other eggs began to tremble, and start to hatch. Jorue quickly stabbed the one he bumped, and looked back at the group. "Run!" yelled Kalius. The group started sprinting for the exit, as the hungry hatchlings began to pursue. Sere and Despie spun around several times, firing spells and arrows. Many more still remained, and when they ran into another room with eggs, they had to duck into a side cavern. The sounds of the hungry draconian predators kept them running, not pausing to breathe. "Go, go, go!" Kalius yelled, as they reached a fork in the cavern. "Split up!" the Golden Knight yelled, going right, along with Despie and Jorue. Burrin and Sere went left, and were chased by nearly all of the dragonlings, except for about a dozen. As the duo ducked into the chamber, they realized it was a dead end, and turned around. Sere fired off one spell, before looking at Burrin, with pity, as the wizard teleported himself to Kalius, leaving Burrin to the hatchlings. Kalius and the others blinked when the Mage appeared among them, but kept running. They turned for a few seconds, cutting down several hatchlings, before turning again. Kalius could see light up ahead. An alternate exit! They finally burst out of the side of the mountain cave complex, gasping for air, as they tried to regain their breath. Kalius looked sourly at Sere. "Burrin?" he asked, and Sere shook his head. "Didn't make it," the sorcerer said. The group bowed their heads for a solemn moment, before starting their long hike back to the castle, to the other dragon hunters.
I stopped reading after I winced a third time and rolled my eyes a second... The overall idea is good however... beef up your writing with plenty of descriptions and for added suspense make use of all the human senses... eg: sight, smell, touch, taste and sound.