hey who thinks I should write a book

It's a book lol

 

Spacing isn't lots of little dots…

You need paragraphs.

New speaker, new line. Also, lookie here: "When a person has finished speaking, you need punctuation between the last word and the closing speech marks." It can be one of these four . , ? !
"I think it makes perfect sense."
"Do you?"
"I agree too, it is fantastic!"
"We are settled then," spoke the great and almighty Swagger.

Capital at the beginning of every sentence. "If there was speech directly before that sentence," and there was a comma before the closing speech marks, then there is no capital letter needed, like I have just written. If it was "like this." "like this!" or "like this?" Then a capital letter is needed, like I have just written.

Try to use a good range of simple, complex and compound sentences.
Simple= one clause. For example: The hot-headed man did not agree.
Complex= two clauses. For example: The hot-headed man did not agree, and so went on to explain his reasons why.
Compound= three or more clauses. For example: Having been on a rant for half an hour, it was no surprise that the hot-headed man did not agree, however he insisted on explaining his reasons why.
In every sentence, there has to be at least one clause which explains the actual point of the sentence. Think about it this way: the other clauses would not make sense without the main clause. The other clauses are just extra bits of information. How boring would it be if every sentence/story was like:
'The dog barked. Then the child cried. The excited woman went to Bingo. Her husband made his way to work.'
ALWAYS HAVE COMMAS BETWEEN CLAUSES, or it is classed as a simple sentence, and we are trying to avoid too many of them. If you are unsure of any of this then wall me.
Having a good variety of sentence lengths and paragraph lengths is important - like adding spice to your life.

Finally, use advanced punctuation. Any of these is advanced punctuation:
:
;
()
-
if you do not know how to use any of these properly, then wall me.

However, the plot seems quite interesting.
If you cleared up some grammatical issues and technical issues, then you may have the makings of a skilled writer.
Please wall me for further advice. You know what to do

 

I actually don't believe your sentence structure is correct, IGDS. I digress.

No. I do not think you should write a book. You have tried time and time again, and failed absolutely miserably. You've been torn apart, and stated that you will "try to do better" and such, only to return just as pathetic as before.

You do not get better by failing even more. At least make an attempt at getting better. Stop spewing utter garbage and wasting forum space.

 

Well I'm honestly not much older than you, and everyone praises my work. I'm just in the top english class at my school. Maybe take some time out to teach yourself grammar, punctuation, technical, etc...
And then come back and try your hand at writing once more.

 

Hey this is my new kindle account

 

Oh good, your grammar should be better now!

 

Yes ... yes it should

 

Apologizes Swagger but I have to correct you.

A simple sentence has only one clause, the main clause. This clause is an "independent clause" because it can stand alone.
-Ex. The dog played.

A compound sentence has two clauses, but both clauses are independent. They can stand alone. However, compound sentences are joined by a "coordinator" or "coordinating conjunction". Coordinators include: for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so or FANBOYS if you take their first letters in order. Compound sentences can also be joined by a semicolon (.
Ex. The dog played, so the boy watched.
Ex. The dog played; the boy watched.

*Note* "For" can also be used as a preposition, be careful of that.
Ex. I got a present for Mom.

A complex sentence has two clauses still, this time one is the main or independent clause and the other is the dependent or "subordinate" clause. An dependent clause is what it sounds like, it depends on another clause to form a complete thought.
Ex. After the dog played, he wanted to sleep.

"After the dog played" isn't a complete sentence. It just doesn't make sense.

Dependent or subordinate clauses usually start with a relative pronoun (who, whom, which, that, etc) or a subordinate conjunction (when, although, if, because, etc). In a sentence, dependent clauses can function as nouns, adjectives or adverbs.

A compound-complex sentence is what it sounds like; it contains at least two independent clauses and at least one dependent clause. They are a mash up of everything above, and if used correctly, they can be very useful.
Ex. When the girl got a cut, her mom fetched some water and her father got a band-aid.

Relative clauses are very common and handy as well. A relative clause begins with a relative pronoun and functions as an adjective. Its role in the complete sentence is to modify subject of the independent clause.
Ex. The novel that won the Pulitzer Prize didn't sell well when it was first published.

However, relative clause can be set off by commas.
Ex. The ceremony, which several celebrities attended, received widespread media coverage.

*Note* In a relative clause, the relative pronoun is sometimes the subject of the clause and sometimes the object.

*Note* Relative pronouns are not always seen in a sentence, but instead are omitted.
Ex. The woman (who) I wanted to see isn't here.

"Who" can be omitted because "the woman" takes its place. Be carefully with omission, it's a tricky thing.
Ex. The woman (who) told me a story is over there.

That is not grammatically correct and in that instance should not be omitted because the relative clause is modifying "the woman", not taking its place.


I'd go into noun and adverbial clauses but this should be enough for now.

Also OP, no excuses. I've typed my whole story, Killer Inside, on my phone. Now, there are mistakes but that's more to me overlooking them.

Besides that, I do agree with Swagger on the grammatical things and Candi too, just a bit. If you're going to post something, don't blame it on technology when it's bad. You say you have a Kindle coming. Maybe you should have waited until that came to post better work. But hey, may it wouldn't have helped.

As for the story... Eh. It could use some work. Try to fill it out a bit more.



 

Bloody hell.

You're begging to be destroyed. And I mean destroyed. You don't blame a phone- god damn, I know everyone hates autocorrect, but if you can't type for **** maybe you should start using it.

FF's abundance of writers, or lack thereof, does not mean we need absolutely terrible ones.

No. It is not possible for there to be only one possibility. You're not getting any better. You're stalling at the same damn position because you're horrible at taking advice. You say you will take it and get better, but you're not. That's what you've been saying for the last five threads.

You're not trying to get better, you're saying you will and not pulling through. I don't give a **** if you're young. If you're not a writer, you're not a writer. Go read your works and ask yourself if you would buy it. No bias.

Lord knows I wouldn't. Quality over quantity, always. Maybe, if you actually put a single ounce of effort into getting better, I would stop tearing you to pieces to feed to the wolves. But nope, you keep blundering on. Cheese got better with every story, Paradox got better with every story, you're stuck in this rut making feeble excuses to stay there because you don't feel like trying.

That, in my opinion, is straight up pathetic and why you should not write. You clearly don't care enough to try. I don't care what you've deluded yourself into thinking. I call it like I see it. And you're not trying, at all.

 

Yeah candid is a *****