Naïve, silly little girls don't look common. Really, most girls are. They are that exact way, behind a mask of ferocity, selflessness, or whatever else. One of these girls was broken out of her naïveté cruelly and harshly. As the meaning started to fade from her life, she found herself withdrawing from the world. She wasn't suicidal, no. She was different, though. Some people pointed it out to her, earning glares and cold looks. Nothing personal, she thought. One person brought back that spark in her. Actually, two. One, her best friend. The second, someone she had never known. Someone she had accidentally ran into on an RPG. Then, for reasons she couldn't fathom, she suddenly lost touch with herself. Herself, and everything else. She withdrew even further, too afraid to be hurt again. She quit the RPG, selfishly leaving everyone that tried to reach her, in her little world. She suffered silently in online chat groups and comforted angsty others instead, masking her pain. None of them knew, anyways. It would be silly if she told them. She didn't even know the cause of her silent pain. She withdrew further. She kept hiding. People assumed her to be a loner. She grew a reputation to be nasty when you messed with her. She was obviously hurting, yet all were oblivious. That, or willing to turn a blind eye. She comforted them instead. She convinced herself that their pain was worse. She's still not sure. So she hurt, and hid. Until something brought her out of her stupor. A jolt. A realization. Suddenly, she felt longing. Pain. Nostalgia. Tears ran down her cheeks, late at night as she realized what she had done. To herself. More importantly, to all of them. The people she once called friends. The people that had tried to reach her while she drew back even further. The people that had even taken the effort to talk to her. It all made a difference, in the end. Guilt poured onto her. She sobbed, deep, shuddering, silent sobs. She almost never cried--she was never allowed to. She cried, and realized how distant and cruel she had been. Selfish and heartless. She missed them. All of them. She was weak. She was haughty. Too proud to go back. Instead, she wrote a letter to the people she had hurt. She was a coward. She hated herself, and everything she had ever done. She stopped sobbing, and cried instead. She hated herself. Berated herself. And wrote you this letter. About herself. -- And it's all true. I screwed with my timeline, but it all happened. I hate myself. A lot. I feel selfish. Stupid. And I don't think I hate any of you enough to stay and continue to be such an asshole (I consider myself to be one. Really..). But I feel a need to post this. Like someone can help me. Or maybe just for some form of closure. By the time you read this, I'll be gone. And being stupid and selfish still. Wallowing in ******* self pity. I'm a coward-- I don't want to post this. But I'm really, really, sorry. I don't feel like I'm really me anymore. If that makes sense. I'm losing it. I'm just not really me, and this is kind of... My apology. If I have the guts to hit that daunting 'post' button... Thanks for reading. I won't ever really know. But for what it's worth, it means something to me.
Remember us FFers will always be here for you candi. If you ever need support FF has your back.(people like konstikal don't count)
Pfft… Why would she want help from you. The noob that you thought we forgot, and someone with the most dreadful I've seen in a while.
Para, be at least minimally nice about it. Bellalautner-- I'm good. I got closure from posting this. I know people read it, even people who barely read forums. So no, I don't need help. Yes, I'm still here. Leaving tonight, maybe.
Candi, as long as theres kaw, there will be ppl in ff who have nothing else to do and are always there for a chat
Phee. Bad Phee. No. Phee does NOT leave. -3- Phee will stay here. *locks up forever* >:3 I luffs you! No homo <3