Greeds Thorned Vines Feeback

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Storallelite, Jun 2, 2012.

  1. Please post all feedback here!
    Thank you!

    Story thread

    Storallelite
     
  2. England yay!
     
  3. Minor grammatical errors and typos, I think. Going to reread and see if there's any comments I have on the actual story. :3
     
  4. Look good so far.
     
  5. @Candi yeah, i need to start proof reading more lol
     
  6. You had to chose the most stereotypically English name for a girl didn't you?
    Beatrice…
    xD
     
  7. Now there just needs to be an Elizabeth.
     
  8. And a Charles…
    I think we're all set then.
     
  9. Don't forget William
     
  10. @Paradox it's stereotypical? I didn't know...I just went to a website that listed British names

    Lol I don't think any of the characters are named Elizabeth, Charles or William.
     
  11. Your narrator seems kind of moodswingy. xD And, now that I think of it, a tad ADHD. But who isn't? Lol.
     
  12. Me like. A few grammatical flaws and the like but all story's have them unless you spend a year looking over everything. Can't wait for me
     
  13. So far their are already in my opinion 3 suspects and since theirs only been one chapter I'm worried. Correct me if I'm wrong and theirs less cause to me everyone seems suspicious pretty much in anything
    I think that because people try and trick you do you get supposed at the end so it's good to suspect everyone.
     
  14. What if it's the main character or the cousin or maybe even the police. Heck for all I know it could be a bellhop.

    I should stop now I'm confusing myself .
     
  15. @Candi Lol I'm trying to give my main character more personality, last time I think I made the MC a bit too kind and stuff. 

    @Pie Thx! Actually I've only introduced...ah nvm I'll give too much away! But don't worry because things will get clearer as the story goes on.(hopefully) The first few chapters are mostly introduction(sorta). Just wait until we hit alibi's and evidence
     
  16. Personality and bipolarness go hand in hand.
     
  17. Haha! I understand how the main character feels. Gotta love warm baths… with extra BUBBLES!!!
     
  18. I really like the story so far; you've done a good job describing and letting the readers know more about the different personalities of the characters :)