Game Over- Chronicles of Aluta Feedback!

I really like it! It flows quite nicely and has excellent details. I look forward to reading more 

 

Real name: Alex Bringir
Age: 14
Gender: Female
Gamer tag: Swifan ("Swift" in Latin)

Appearance: Brown hair usually in a side ponytail, a very childish face with large green eyes. Alex is pretty short, and because of all of these things many think she is younger than she actually is. Alex normally wears jeans and a camo jacket, with a simple black t-shirt. She hates sweaters.

Game appearance: Dark green hair, and the same green eyes. Swifan is quite tall, and has a very thin face. This is Alex's way of making herself appear older ingame. Swifan typically has black warpaint styled smudges under her eyes.

Game race: Human
Class: Not sure if I decide this or you, but if it's me, Scout
Weapons: Oaken crossbow with broad tipped crossbow bolts that are strapped like a belt around Swifan's waist, and in case enemies get too close for comfort Swifan also carries a collapsable oaken quarterstaff. The staff can be collapsed upon itself into the middle. To keep it from collapsing, Swifan just has to press a button at the top of the staff.

Armor: lightweight leather armor that Swifan painted green for better camouflage. She also wears a hood and leather boots. (Similar to the Thieves' Guild armor from Skyrim) Swifan's belt is hardleather, but has clips for storing crossbow bolts.

Personality: Swifan/Alex hates drawing attention to herself, and subconsciously hangs around the far edges of a room or area. This comes from trying to remain unnoticed; ingame from enemies while scouing out terriotories and in real life from [baddies]. Alex will stutter when talking to aquantainces, but is fine talking to friends. She tends to talk very quietly.

---
Hope you like her...very keen to read more! Have a good day/night

 

Real Name: Jeremiah Dymitri Stone
Some people call him Jeremiah; others call him Dymitri. Maybe he's like some dude disobeying the government or something and he avoids them because of this two name thing he's got going on?
Gender: Male
Age: 25 or 18, you decide
Gamer Tag: What? What is a Gamer Tag? Anyway, I guess Pyr, which is Greek for fire. You can add an "o" for Pyro, if you like.
Appearance: Curly hair, with the roots being blonde, the middle being brown, and the tip being black, if you can make it work. His haircut is a fatback. Jeremiah has eyes the color of amber, but constantly change from amber, to brown, to a very bright yellow. (Another way he could avoid them). He has a blindingly white smile. His skin is golden. His clothing choice is always debonair. He sometimes wears an ascot around his neck when it's cold.
Game Appearance: It's all about flames. His eye sockets are filled with an infinite supply of fire. Dark skin covers his body, with fire runes etched deeply into it. The runes, which cover his body, glow and change color like that of a fire. Some say he mutilated himself; others believe he's empowered himself. He often wears a dark, shadowy cloak to avoid the glow of his body to escape into the outside world - at night, that is. His hair is a violent white, the color of a hot flame.
Game Race: Dark Elf, with a small amount of Barbarian blood for extra strength.
Class: Mage?
Weapon: A long staff, made of [insert powerful wood of a ancient tree (like in KaW Chronicles, remember the wood of Sol Arnoth, The Ancient One's children?)], and has fire runes etched all into it. It has [insert powerful and ancient stone, gem, crystal, mineral, or rock] at the end of it. At the end of it it is curved, and two eyes are etched into it. The fangs of a dragon are at the curved point, so it looks like a snake.

 

Armor: None. He is his own armor.

Personality: Manipulative. Intelligent. Insecure.

 

Wow one week I left and a bunch of stories popped up!
I'm not complaining though
Very nice, I was a bit skeptical at the beginning but the ending made the beginning make more sense. Were you trying to make the game seem like a game more like real life? Because i thought it the game was more like real life. If you aiming for the other then trying adding some game "features" into it like potions.
Description was great as usual. It reminded me of a manhua I once read called 1/2 prince, I recommend you read it.
I can't wait for more of this story!

 

Here's the Bio for my already mentioned character. If I mess up some stuff then just leave it out

Real Name: Lynette, Lynn or Lyn for short.
Gender: Female
Age: 17
Appearance: Dark brown mid-length straight hair, has side swept bangs, bright green eyes, tan skin, average body, average height, wears a thin gold necklace with a small dark blue sapphire hanging from it. Wears casual clothes like jeans, t-shirt or tank top and zip up hoodie.
Game Appearance: What you already wrote for clothes and stuff - Blue green eyes, (you choose hair colour), thin but has muscle, long fingers, average height, has a golden arm bracelet that is kinda fancy and has a small blue gem inserted into it.
Game Race: I think I'm an elf or is it human? Idk
Class: What you put, was it Mage or priest? Though I wouldn't mind Paladin
Weapons/Armour: the robe thing and staff. Plus: Has an extra white wood staff with silver designs/ruins marked on it. The staff has a spiral head with a ruby in the middle. Also has a wand made of cyan coloured crystal.
Personality: Contemplative, thinks before she acts but a bit of a daredevil, likes to go against the flow if possible, doesn't judge, hopeless romantic, stern but kind. This is her personality most of the time but ONLY when she's not sleepy! When she gets sleepy(in game only) she gets a weird look in her eye, grins like crazy and plays pranks. Her sense of humour gets warped and she loses her common sense. She also talks non stop. The only way to prevent this from happening is to knock her out(literally) or convince her to go to sleep. In real life she gets really cranky and talks non stop about random things.

 

When she is sleepy in real life that is

 

Pim, it is great so far- thinking about the possibilities of what could happen makes me.. Giddy haha ^^ keep it up! You could even incorporate some people applying to join the clan xD

 

Name - Sam (male)
Age - 14
Appearance - Moderately tall, fit, but not the best-looking person out there. Usually wears jeans and a shirt with some logo on it. He's rarely seen without his sweater, the most epic beige masterpiece in the world.

GM - Samael
Race - Dark Elf
Class - as of a recent update to this game (idk, dr), a new class has been added to increase variety - The Runner. Runners are capable of performing agile maneuvers like wall runs, corner-jumps, rolling, and various other feats of agility. This class directly reflects Sam's hobby of Parkour.

Weapons: Runners tend to carry very light blades and the occasional pistol, but they have the ability to temporarily steal a weapon from another player, which consequently hinders their Running abilities.

Personality: Sam is generally outgoing, helping others before himself, but he's not serious. He's well-known for his sarcasm and wisecracks, and when he's alone, he thinks. Being a full honors student, Sam can think of many things (maybe some things that can change the game)

 

^ Sam is also the founder of the first all-Runners clan, appropriately named the Runners.

The clan consists of well over a hundred members, all well-versed in their art.

 

^AAAAND... Being a dark elf, Samael has the ability to teleport over short distances silently, making him an expert assassin when combined with his Running expertise.

 

GlooMi....

Why aren't you reading the characters.... Do you not care? Are we not worthy?

 

Pardon the spam, please:

Samael has a single deadly blade, basically a massive pin but sharpened, even on the round parts.
The only ranged weapons he uses, he steals from his foes, while knocking them unconscious with their own weapon. Other runners use the weapons I mentioned.

The Runners are a world-recognized clan, and are a force to be reckoned with.

 

I have school on those days :|