First spoiler of my new story

Gandalf, just letting you know, usually people don't post spoilers in whole threads. For future reference. Anyways, while there are some grammatical problems, I enjoy the content of the story.

 

Now, if you are reading this because you want to feel like a superhero and experience a better world, shut this now. This is the story of my sister, Alaina, and I. Oh yes, we haven't been properly introduced. I'm Nico, and I grew up on the East-side of Manhattan. Houston Street to be exact, with my sister Alaina. Thing is, we are not like normal kids you see. We never really knew our dad until he turned up on our doorstep the other day. And that's where we begin.

That's my edited version. I would get rid of the "so let's go", it sounds so much more professional without it.

*** Edit courtesy of iWrite Co. ***

 

Not bad, Gandalf. But I wouldget rid of one of the "Now,"s in the first sentance. It sounds a little repetitive. Besides that, it sounds good. Your on the right track. And it look. Good with Bast's edit too.

 

lulz


(￣ー￣)

 

Bastion didn't know you were a writer lol

 

Basion I agree with you, but there can be more of a twist


If you are reading this because you want to feel like a superhero and experience a better world, shut this now. This is the story of my sister, Alaina, and I. Oh yes, we haven't been properly introduced. I'm Nico, and I grew up on the East-side of Manhattan. Houston Street to be exact, with my sister Alaina. Thing is, we are not like normal kids you see. You may know your dad, but we didn't—Until he turned up on our doorstep the other day. That's where we begin.

I took out some of the second last sentence and connected two. I also took out and on the last sentence.