I agree with doctor hulk. Use commas, semi colons, colons, etc… When somebody has finished what they are saying, you need to put one of these in between the speech marks and the last word: . , ! ? Use accordingly. Maybe refer to some of the writing guides for further help. The plot seems interesting too
Make surs to post 12-16 paragraohs at a time (just something I'd do, depends on how much speaking is going on and all that) I'd also allow someone to proofread it for you first
Mostly grammar is my largest observation for improvement however the plot seems like it could be very interesting. You may want to have a bit more background at the start so readers get their bearings as to where they are, who they are, what they are doing and why. Character and plot background are very nice to have unless it's suppose to be unknown but even then, make that clear. Besides that, looks good! Keep writing and see how it goes