Fallen swords

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by *darkmyth (02), Aug 31, 2012.

  1. Alindsor stared out the castle windows. Dark clouds gather on the horizon. He sighed heavily as a knock was heard on the door. "Come in" he said, as he turned around, he saw a black flash and he heard glass shatter, and he felt as if he was falling backwards. He opened his eyes, and he saw his castle receeding rapidly, and the window was shattered. He flipped in midair, and saw sharp rocks below. He screamed.
    -prologue.
     
  2. Too bland. Not very attention grabbing.
     
  3. Forget bland. It's short. Meaning there's no substance.
     
  4. has potential, keep writing
     
  5. Everything's got potential. It's totally ambiguous to say something has potential, because said potential could be negative, positive, or anything in between.
     
  6. I appreciate all critisism. Alas, i am only a budding artist
     
  7. Read the last bullet. Its better
     
  8. There is nothing to judge here, it's too short.