Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff? Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?l … Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a bathroom section in a swimming pool? If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags," and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," then what does that make the Tennessee Titans? If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it? There are three religious truths: a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters. If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes? Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with? Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist? Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one? If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me...they're cramming for their final exam I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use... Toothpicks? Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail? If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose? Whatever happened to Preparations A through G? As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together, it spells "THEIRS"?
I couldn't get all the way through without being bombarded by so many questions here and inside my mind. Good read though
I remember a comedian doing a bit like this, can't remember his name. Anyways, thanks for the post, laughs are nice
Might have been Gallagher. One of the ones from his bit was "why do we drive on a parkway but park in a driveway".
Might have been Gallagher. One of the ones from his bit was "why do we drive on a parkway but park in a driveway"? And "why are they called buildings and not called built"?
Two minutes of Internet research and I have found 4 examples of psychics winning major lotteries. You should do better research.
1. Baptists aren't bad people. That's like saying all Muslims are terrorists. 2. No milk does not come out of my nose when I laugh
A lot of these are explainable and are just a matter of clever wordsmithing. Of course, not your wordsmithing. I've heard these before.