Episode 8: How the Cursed_Soul stole plunder wars

Every Noob Down in Noobville Liked plunder wars a lot…
But the Cursed_Soul, who lived just north of Noobville, Did NOT!
The Cursed_Soul hated Plunder wars! And the plunder war season!

Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be her head wasn’t screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, that her screen was too bright.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that her heart was two sizes too small.

Whatever the reason, heart, monitor or shoes,
She stood there on Plunder wars Eve, hating the Noobs,
Glaring up from her basement with a sour, Cursed_Souly frown,
At the warm hearted forum banter that was bandied around

For she knew every Noob down in Noobville beneath,
Was busy now, making plans with their clan chiefs.
“And they’re making a schedule!” she snarled with a sneer,
“Tomorrow is the big Plunder war! It’s practically here!”

Then she growled, with her Cursed_Soul fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find some way to stop Plunder wars from coming!”
For Tomorrow, she knew, all the Noob girls and guys,
Would wake bright and early and rush straight for idevices!

And then! Oh, the plunder! Oh, the plunder!
Plunder! Plunder! Plunder!
That’s one thing she hated! The PLUNDER!
PLUNDER! PLUNDER! PLUNDER!

Then the Noobs, young and old, would sit at the top of the hour.
And they’d click! And they’d click! And they’d CLICK!
CLICK! CLICK! CLICK!
They would attack their OSF, tapping quickly on the spacebar.
Which was something the Cursed_Soul couldn’t stand from afar!

 

Re: How the Cursed_Soul stole plunder wars

And THEN They’d do something she liked least of all!
Every Noob down in Noobville, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with keyboards clack clacking.
They’d stand one by one. Say thanks and start yakking!
They’d yak! And they’d yak! And they’d YAK!
YAK! YAK! YAK!

And the more the Cursed_Soul thought of this Noob Plunder War post OSF yak,
The more the Cursed_Soul thought, “I must stop this in its tracks!”
“Why, for close to one month I’ve put up with it now!”
“I MUST stop this Plunder War from coming! But HOW?”

Then she got an idea! An awful idea!
THE CURSED_SOUL GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
“I know just what to do!” The Cursed_Soul laughed in her throat.
And she went from clan to clan making copious notes.

And she chuckled, and clucked, “What a great Cursed_Souly trick!”
“With these notes and my anger, I’ll hand the devs a big stick!”
“All I need is a some evidence…” The Cursed_Soul looked around.
But, since evidence was scarce, there was none to be found.

Did that stop the old Cursed_Soul? No! The Cursed_Soul simply said,
“If I can’t find any evidence, I’ll make some up instead!”
So she started a log filled with times, places and peeps,
And filled it with accusations of botting and cheats.

THEN she filed the whole mess in an e-mail to the devs inbox,
And e-mailed it on over with a grin and a pox.
Then the Cursed_Soul laughed, as the OSFs were struck down,
In the clans while noobs slept and their leaders weren’t around.

All their chat rooms were dark. Blank space filled the screen.
All the Noobs were all dreaming sweet plunder war dreams.
“And NOW!” grinned the Cursed_Soul, “I will nerf the last vice!”
And the Cursed_Soul changed the space bar, so you couldn’t tap it twice.

When she heard a small clack clacking from not so far away.
She turned around fast, and saw Wrath_of_God's leader, LordTDA!
LordTDA caught her red handed, with the spacebar in her hand.
The Cursed_Soul had been caught by the leader of WoG’s band,

Who’d got out of bed a the top of the hour.
He stared at the Cursed_Soul and said, how’d you get so much power?
“Why are you taking our Plunder Wars? WHY?”

But, you know, that Cursed_Soul was so smart and so slick,
She thought up a lie, and she thought it up quick!
“Why, my sweet dear clan leader,” the forum troll lied,
“You’re not part of the problem that I’m trying to deride.”
“So I’m taking home this spacebar, don't you worry my dear.”
“I’ll fix it up there. Then I’ll bring it back here.”

And her fib fooled TDA. Then she scratched her vile head,
Lord finished serving his troops and went back to bed.
And when LordTDA had left after seeing the cruel nut,
Cursed_Soul went to the developers and f%@ked it all up!

“PoohPooh to the Noobs!” she was Cursed_Soulishly humming.
“They’re finding out now that no Plunder Wars are coming!”
“They’re just waking up! I know just what they’ll do!”
“Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
Then the Noobs down in Noobville will all cry BooHoo!”

“That’s a cry,” grinned the Cursed_Soul, “That I simply MUST hear!”
So she paused. And the Cursed_Soul put her hand to her ear.
And she did hear a sound as players started to know.
It started in low. Then it started to grow.
But the sound wasn’t sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn’t be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!


She stared down at Noobville! The Cursed_Soul popped her eyes!
Then she shook! What she saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Noob down in Noobville, the tall and the small,
Was plundering away, with no spacebar at all!


She HADN’T stopped Plunder Wars from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, they came just the same!
And the Cursed_Soul, with her Cursed_Soul-toes curled up below,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so?”

And she puzzled three hours, till her puzzler was sore.
Then the Cursed_Soul thought of something she hadn’t before!
“Maybe Plunder Wars,” she thought, “doesn’t depend on a keyboard.”
“Maybe Plunder wars…perhaps…means a little bit more!”

And what happened then? Well…in Noobville they say,
That the Cursed_Soul’s small heart Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute her heart didn’t feel quite so tight,
She started making KaW movies for entertainment instead of blight,
And she brought back the joy! And stopped trolling the forum shelf,
And she, SHE HERSELF! The Cursed_Soul began enjoying herself!

***********************************************************************************************
Past episodes:
Episode 7: T'was the night before plunder war / viewtopic.php?f=8&t=33679&p=1002477#p1002477
Episode 6: GK's Guide to KaW forum attention hogs / viewtopic.php?f=8&t=32987
Episode 5: GK discovers Smurf Village / http://chirb.it/n92phN
Episode 4: GK's guide to KaW asshats / http://chirb.it/CN78ra / viewtopic.php?f=8&t=30459
Episode 3: GK chats with cookie monster / http://chirb.it/Bp8NKb
Episode 2: GK and Otto go Hippo hunting / http://chirb.it/cIByPz
Episode 1: GK and Homer talk Beer Wars / http://chirb.it/eAaqJx

 

Re: How the Cursed_Soul stole plunder wars

Hey thanks.