Here is where you post all the feedback for my thread: Defiance. Please have fun, and no dirty words!
love it so far so excited for moree!!! Thanks for putting my character in nd letting her beat Jason time nd time again lol
Lol. I was looking for a good woman character that can fit in with Jason, and she was the first I came across
I really like the story, and that I'm in the beginning Your language is good and your text flows very well. Keep it up!
Oh Okami, I'm planning on having more POV's of the demons, which will be either your character or Stora's.
I was thinking of cool ideas how to start it, and since Feathers character has "a real jerk" as his personality, I needed it to fit.
Oh, btw, I once learned that back then, if you palm-slapped someone it was an insult, but if you backhand-slap them it was THE INSULT. I was looking for a place to put it in. Just clarifying.
Pretty good but for the first POV in chapter 1, Jason's thoughts didn't make me think he was 19(made me think he was younger.) and his and Mia's actions didn't make them seem like they were 19 either.
They were 16, I said " What they would to in 3 Years when they were 19. It was supposed to tell you their age in a not-so-boring way. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Don't worry, it's fine. Feather's character is 29 in the Signup, but I'm probably going to lower it since I'm not very good at writing about older people...
Chapter Two is up! Sorry if it was only one POV, I plan on introducing more characters in the next chapter, but the entire POV itself is around as big as my first chapter. Have fun and please post either good or bad feedback!
Chapter Three is up! Chapter two was posted a while back, but it was posted back at a certain Cheesy fight that involved Feathers, so you may not have noticed it. Have fun! Oh, and I don't know how that isn's got there... I proofread it... Whatevs...
Really interesting. Pardon my manners, but, MOAR! Lol I have but 1 piece of advice. Try to be a little more descriptive, don't just say what the characters are doing, describe what they are doing, show what they are doing. Don't say, "Tom is angry", say, "Tom's hands shook violently, he teeth ground together, and he face burst into a violent red the color of a tomato as he seethed with fury."
Okay. I'm just trying to slow down the story a bit, so it goes against all my principles, so it's harder to write. Don't worry, I keep getting more used to writing, so I hope it will just get better and better