Hallo /) I would like to share my writing and to have you, the lerkers of the forums, to criticize it. I may regret asking this of you, but do not hold back, I would like to hear a real opinion of my work. Letters to Maebh My dearest Maebh, I had to do it, I had to, did I not? No matter how barbaric it seemed, the most ethical thing to do was end his tyranny. Please, do not think of me as a monster, I beg of you, I can hardly sleep as it is and knowing what I have done and living with the knowledge that you, the only one I love, bears the thought of me being a murderer, a lunatic...a monster would send me into a living hell. If that were to happen, I would no longer have anywhere to turn, the being of my existence would simply be unbearable and torcherous. With hopeful eyes my gaze turns to you in my time of desperation and need, understand that you are the last person that I want to bother with my problems. The only reason why I am trying to contact you is because you are my only option now, the burden of running a kingdom has now fallen onto my shoulders and I am not sure how much longer I will be able to take this. I fear madness will come upon me soon, for the nights have become unbearing, lying in the bed while darkness eludes me. Oh, but the worst are the days! The long drawn out hours of a slow motion blur, all the while Oblivion teases me with her tender, loving kisses from such a close distance knowing that I cannot meet her lips with mine. It is devastating to my mind and I am starting to see things that are fake, like a witch has taken control of me. No! No, I need sanity. Please! By the Gods and Goddesses, please come to my broken life. Help me, you are the only one who can help me anymore, I beg of you to become my Queen. May the God that controls the threads of fate bring you to me… Roknove, King of Revendle
Well, the spaces did not save. Either way, if you would like more context into this letter, since it is apart of a much larger story I am working on, I shall post it.
I have made this letter to the best of my liking, I do not wish to change it. However, I can change my writing based on what you say about this letter.
I would advocate for the use of more punctuation to make your meanings more clear. Perhaps more commas are necessary. Somewhere you write "a lunatic.....a monster would...." This could be interpreted in 2 ways. Either you are referring to the man as a monster, or you are saying that a monster (but not the person you are referring to) would do something. I also recommend adding periods where needed (instead of commas) to avoid sentences that are too stretched out and to divide different topics from one another.
This is ridiculous. Shakespeare is going to sue somebody. But legit, your story is cringeworthy. You blabber on about the main character's sanity and how he needs this 'woman'. It's really just a giant paragraph of repetitious drivel. What I'm trying to say is that the 1800's are over pal. Time to move on
He makes some good points but I disagree with the last of them. The writing style OP used is an older style, maybe medieval or Elizabethan. In that time writing was quite drawn out, poetic and descriptive. However Op, you kind of meshed modern and old together. Grats for trying but you didn't quite pull it off. Try using words that they used in those time periods, and not modern phrases. My last problem are the names. Creative I must say but very unconventional and unorthodox. Might want to revisit that.