Tires squealing along pavement. The bone-jarring crash that followed. Screams and shouts.....the pain, oh the pain.......screams echoing in my ears, a dull blackness obscuring my mind. Red and blue light flashing......sirens screaming into the night. Cool air rushing around my body. Gruff voices that I couldn't quite make out. "Stay with us.....stay with us...." A soft bit of comfort....."God..?" I mumbled, my mouth full of cotton. I felt a slight prick in my arm. "You'll be OK." Said a voice, before the pain closed in and my vision wnet black. Give me your opinions! I'm open to suggestions!
Too Short; Didn't Read It's too short to have any substance. The writing style is great, but what else is there? I have nothing to judge!
^I have a suggestion. Get your head out of your ass, get an education outside of homeschooling, and then quit KaW.
@CoS_DJ_Smiles I'm actually one of the best writers in my school....... Lmao I'd like to see you write something.
It was okay, but a couple of things; 1. Use paragraphs, it makes it so much easier for the reader to understand. People tend to skip whole blocks if you don't use paragraphs. 2. I don't think you understand the concept of italics? Maybe I'm mistaken but they weren't correctly used here. 3. You use ellipsis' to build suspense. I guess it was okay, but you used them too much. There was a couple of other things, but that's mainly it, I did enjoy it though! -Swag
It's a good style. But again, Holo, use paragraphs. It's much easier to understand. And it's in italics, so I assume it's a flashback...? That's how certain writers do it.