Wow, a true story huh? We don't get much of those around here. I can't really criticize it but from a general point of view as a story I would say add more description about the setting. Of course since this is a true story you don't need to but if you ever write a fictional one it would wise. Keep writing!
Just found out how to indent a paragraph on my phone. XD fail much? Thank you though, Storalite. I'll be sure to add more description to the chapters to come! Hope I get a troll or two. I need some criticism. XD
Tig hacked my account again, Pheonix? >_< I'll catch her red-handed one of these days... [/] Yeah, as soon as I finish the eighth Chapter, so I can put it all at once. More for my viewers/readers to have.