Haven't edited this yet... Hope you enjoy though. Earth. The word echoes in my mind, tasting weird on my tongue. We are going to Earth. "Why?" I ask my mom, Luna. "Because we need another place to live on," she replies easily, braiding my hair. "I think Aria is just fine," I state, sighing. "Amalia," Mom begins, her voice strained, "you're thirteen now, I expect you to understand these things." I sigh, why did I have to be the oldest?!?! Mom wouldn't say these things to ten year old Austin, or three year old Mylia. No, I had to be Amalia, the oldest, future heir to the Pearl Castle. Joy. See, my mom is the queen of the Pearl Castle on Aria, my dad, Leaf, is the king. "Why can't I stay with Auntie Dusk or Aunt Twilight?" I protested, "Why do I have to go?!?" "Dusk and Twi have to stay here to look after Aria because Dusk doesn't trust Twilight and Twilight won't come, and Dusk has enough kids," Mom says, standing up. I huff, walking over and sitting in my bed. I run my fingers of my covers, trying to imagine what it would be like to live with so called humans, on Earth. "When are we leaving?" I ask, giving up on me staying here. "We leave in ten days, pack everything you need because I'm not sure if we are coming back," Mom tells me, smiling. "Okay," I reply, thinking. Mom gave me a satisfied smile before leaving my alone in my room. I sigh, laying back on my bed. I pull the map I have behind my pillow out. It was a map, of stars. Ever since I was little and I heard there were other worlds out there, I loved space. I had started charting stars, hoping one day I'd get to go out there and discover something new. Now that the day was here, I wasn't so excited. I was terrified. I picked up the book about Earth that Mom had dropped on my desk. On the cover was a picture of a round planet with blue and green cover by swirling white. I gazed at it, wondering what was on that mysterious planet.
why would I want to read more than a few lines of this mess? it's one big ass block of text. you can tell you put little to know forethought into this. there's no structure. it's sloppy. bad plot. vomit
Next part! "When are you going?" Dusk asked Luna again as they quietly discussed in Luna's study. "In one week, do you think that that's going to be enough time to get ready?" Luna asked Dusk. "Yes," Dusk replied evenly. I pressed my ear harder against the door, trying to hear more of their conversation, but all I heard were low murmurs. "Sissy, what are you doing?" Austin asked me, startling me. "Shh!" I shushed him, pressing my hand over his mouth. Austin nodded three times before I let me hand off of his mouth. He sank onto his knees beside me, pressing his ear against the door. Sorry it's so short, didn't have much time
:roll: Why the **** even take the time to read these threads then, d_bo? It seems to be such a waste of time to you... OP, just out of curiosity, are you between the ages of, say, 10-14? Technically not against the ToU to ask :shock:
Mom gave me a satisfied smile before leaving my alone in my room. I sigh, laying back on my bed. I pull the map I have behind my pillow out. It was a map, of stars. Ever since I was little and I heard there were other worlds out there, I loved space. I had started charting stars, hoping one day I'd get to go out there and discover something new. Now that the day was here, I wasn't so excited. I was terrified. I picked up the book about Earth that Mom had dropped on my desk. On the cover was a picture of a round planet with blue and green cover by swirling white. I gazed at it, wondering what was on that mysterious planet.[/quote] The word echoes in my mind, tasting weird on my tongue. --- I don't like the word "weird" here. I love the idea of a word having a taste. But weird isn't a taste. Maybe bitter? Or Sour? Or like some exotic fruit? Also, it would be cool if the word had a taste as it actually rolled off of the tongue, meaning the narrator whispers "earth" and gets a funny taste in his mouth afterwards. I love the idea of words having a taste. Very good! "When are we leaving?" I ask, giving up on me staying here. --- giving up on me staying here sounds funkified. I'd suggest something else, like "When are we leaving?" I ask with a sigh of defeat. Argh. I deleted the part where you said something in quotes and then said [,thinking] You never explain what you were thinking. Mom gave me a satisfied smile before leaving my alone in my room. --- watch your tense. I'm guilty of this too. But, since it is currently happening, Mom gives a satisfied smile as she walks through the doorway and leaves me alone in my room.... to think