Now, this is my first book in my new series: The Battle Camp! Please tune in! Chapter 1: Memories of Blank [Maverick, give me the mic!] [Fine Rora!] Ok, my dear brother Maverick has let me use the mic to start of this tale of wonders. I woke up, my head throbbing. My name is Rora, and I can't remember anything. I drew in my sights. A camp was up ahead of us, and soldiers were patrolling. It read: The Battle Camp. Trees were surronding us, and I could barely see the sky. We were on a truck, which was driving us along a gravel road. My brother Maverick, annoying as always, [Yes Maverick, we all knew that was coming] was sitting across from me. We passed the gates, and met a man. He wore a dark cloak, and I couldn't see his face. He told me, "You shall call me Hawk." I didn't know what that meant, but Maverick nodded. We pulled up to a campfire, and a bunch of other people were there. Mages, warriors, lots of people with throwing knives, and some bulky people, not sure who they were, archers, I think, [Sorry Maverick! I didn't see their bows and arrows!] and some people with just broadswords on their backs.
A voice, bright and cheery, said, "Welcome to Battle Camp! This will be your new home, and you will be squadded up with other people! There is: 1 protecter for your team, one archer, one scout, one mage, and one commander. Let's squad you up!" Me and Maverick were together, along with Alex, Laura, and Luke. Luke was our scout, Maverick was the commander, Alex was protecter, and I was the mage, and Laura was the archer. We greeted each other, then walked off to our squad dormitory. There was lace curtains, for privacy, one bathroom, one cabinet for each "space" and one bed for each space, and a little lamp. All in all, I thought we had a satisfactory room. We walked to our picked curtains, and just before we fell asleep, Maverick said, "We're waking up bright and early tommorow. I heard we had fighting practice." I dozed off, and fell asleep.
Chapter 2: Lessons [Thank you, sister dear, for letting me have the mic] Maverick's POV I woke up, dawn just coming. I woke up my fellow squad members, sadly, that includes Rora, and we set of down the corridor. It was dimly lit, with torches here and there. We made it to the gym, and the same voice at the campfire said, "Welcome to fighting practice! Here you will fight your squad mates to learn their strengths and weaknesses." The ? person walked out, and turns out, she was blond, green eyes, with combat boots on, with a pink running shirt and shorts. "Now. Maverick, you will fight Alex!" Aw crap, I thought. I'm only half his size! But we took our fighting stances, and I realized I had an uncanny ability to make tactics in every situation. Because I could see where he was tensing, defenseless, preparing to strike, etc etc. My brain kicked into overdrive. He struck, and I jumped back. He eventually thrust his sword, and I saw an opening. I struck, and the spell on my blade caused him no pain, but it proved I had "killed" him. "Any words of advice you want to tell your challenger Maverick?" "Never always play brute force. Sometimes, strategy saves your ***." Rora and Luke fought, then Laura and Alex fought.
Then we moved on to our last lesson, tactics. Hawk was there, and he said, "Now, take a careful look at this room. Absorb what you see, because tommorow, you will be fighting another squad in this same room. Also, this is a hologram." A plan was already formulating in my mind. There was a pretty tall little footstand, and I could send Laura up there and have her shoot. Rora, me, Alex, and Luke could hide behind the walls, then leap out and attack when ready. "You will also need a team name." said Hawk. We knew it instantly. Rebels. We loved it, and told Hawk. He nodded, and I went back to formulating my plan. So we had dinner, the trays laden with food. Hot dogs, hamburgers, cheeseburgers, etc etc. We went back to our dormitory, and fell asleep.
You know I could've sworn their was already a story called battle camp by lady Marian and it seems remarkable like this one.theirs a protector a Mage and all that in both and their in squads seems a bit coincidental to me
I would agree with PielordTy (can I just call you Ty?). Most of 'your' current stories aren't yours. They're all lady-marian's ideas, and none of them are even close to as well written.
Pielord- your right. I'm doing exactly what she's doing, but making it my version, and trying to get hers some credit.
And SR, actually, I have a whole series, and another book that don't follow hers. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter 3: Newcomer I woke, and dawn hadn't struck. I decided to let my squad members sleep; it was our day off. I walked around the camp, trying to map this place down in my mind. After I saw the mess hall, campfire, outer cabins, and other things, it was a bit past dawn. I was walking around, still jotting down the map in my head, when a rustle of a bush sent my hand to my sword. I peered in the bush, hand grasping my sword. Turns out, [I think it was a newcomer] a new kid was here. I said, "What are you doing here?" "Learning the area. Like you. The name's Bryan." I nodded, then went back to jotting down that virtual map in my head. It was nearly complete; I could see the last places to go.
WHY must people call me SR? It's either Bright or Candi. Get it right. And I said CURRENT stories. Not all. Current.
So this is more subtle plagiarism than Celeste. It's basically Kane Chronicles by Rick Riordan and Battle Camp by lady-marian. And you are giving them NO credit for their stories.
you should refrain from even calling what you're doing writing. you just keep throwing as much crap at the wall, hoping something will stick.
I'm trying my hardest; here's a hint, I'm only 9, so I'm writing stories like these to get a feel for writing. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I walked to the last place, the lake. I figured they had it because we were going to train in water too. I had the map complete, and I walked back to my squad room. I made sure to get some sleep before tommorow. (Just a nap) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ And I'm feeling some Writer's Block, so I'm done for the day.
being 9 doesn't make auto immune from being a dumbass. your writing still blows. I don't know where the hell your parents are at or why they allow their 9 year old unsupervised on places like this but I see where you get your fail from.