I'm avoiding her and I know why.. But I can't seem to tell her why I'm not sure if its the premise that I'm scared to lose her or the fact that I don't know anything else. I'd like to think that we shared an epic love, a love that will be told for eons and eons, and honestly I can't think of anyone that could ever replace her.. But I was lying to myself.. I was lying to her.. I don't know what love is.. I have moods.. And at times I can't let go of her.. And at others.. I can't stand her voice.. It fills my ears with nonsense.. Dribble that if I utter to her.. Would cause her to run to the hills.. And yet I always thought that would change .. They always say find someone who loves you more then you love him.. The problem was that I always loved her more.. Alot more.. And even though deep down I meant the world to her.. She never made me feel it.. I was always just a toy to her.. Something she had to have and keep locked away for as long as she could to make sure no one else played with.. The thing about toys that are left alone for to long.. They might be vintage by the time they're retrieved.. But they rust.. And as she left my toy heart out in the cold and rain.. It rusted emencly almost to the point where I no longer have the ability to understand what love is.. Day by day we would talk, almost to the point of my parents financial instability for the thing was I'd always call her, and when she would I'd close the phone and call her to insure her phone bill was smaller then mine.. So her parents couldn't tell her to stop using it.. With that in mind .. My phone bill was around 500$ a month and so one could imagine the amount of time we spent together on the phone.. And at the end of every conversation I would tell her I loved her, she on the other hand would only tell me when I felt like I was about to have a depressed phase.. And even though it did make me feel better.. It was no where near as bad as feeling neglected in every other sense for she did not show affection in any way nor did she show it in a physical way, for where we had 1000 hours on The phone.. We had 1 hour alone .. One would also assume that we spent the whole hour lip locked grinding.. One would be very mistaken. We spent 20% of the time moving around 25% watching a movie and a very nice woping 50% worrying about who would see us (by worrying I mean her I didn't mind) and now for those of you with an iQ of over 5, 5% is left over for the stuff most teenagers have on there mind for basically the whole of high school.. And yet.. We have never kissed.. The depressing truth to the story was.. She was forced to have her first kiss.. At the young age of 5! And since then.. Her lips have not touched another's... So what we do in the 5% which roughly estimates ably about what we could scratch out of every second we where in a dark theater, or once in a hotel... Sadly not even the bed.. It was outside some strangers room.. And as hot and intense as it got.. We never kissed.. Now I'm not writing this to let my feelings out I'm writing this to let my brain flow through all the information so I can come to a conclusion that I honestly don't want to come to.. I tried being the best me I could be for her, I started doing her favorite activities, I became friendlier to her friends so they would like me (that kinda backfired but that's a story for another day) for the love of god.. I did every sport I could so my body looked better.. I threw myself at her.. I played hard to get I forgave everything she's ever done or said.. I let go of everything bad thing she's every done and accepted her.. And yet.. That wasn't enough.. She never told her parents about me.. And for 3 years.. Yah.. 3 years! Her friends didn't know.. She told her best friend about me recently (about a week or so ago) all this.. All this for a girl who frankly never treated me like someone more then a friend .. So I told her.. All I want to be is friends.. And now I'm lost again
@amber •tell him you love him •text him/call him often •give him food. do that and he'll believe you.
I feel for u bro. Hang on there. Everything will be all right. She'll definitely realize that she lost the moon while she was being busy with the stars(might be other guys or stuff that she's being busy with)