Weird. But cool. Couple things you might want to be careful of: not punctuating inside quotation marks ("Sure" "Oh, and take Brian with you") and unnecessary fragmenting. Some fragments can actually help with the flow of your story, in my opinion. But not too many. Neither happens very often, but it disrupts your flow. The idea has potential to go many different directions-- granted, I've only read the first two chapters and prologue. Heh. We'll see.