Please post your comments here. This is my first foray into Fan Fics, and I'd appreciate your feedback. Thanks!
Lol interesting story, always wanted to write and/or read a story based of the EBs. Great job off the bat! And your grammar! Hallelujah! Someone who can actually use proper grammar! You are a blessing lol! Nice job with it, nothing too obvious, so that's a plus! Nice job. Also, you really were not plagiarizing with using the EB names, and you did accredit the EB names to KaW (partially) when you mentioned that it was based off your clan's experience. So don't worry about that, it's all good. So overall I have high hopes for this story and even higher hopes for you as a writer! Great job and I look forward to reading more of your story! iZaln
Oh yeah, forgot to mention one more thing. This suggestion is totally based on how you feel, so it's up to your better judgement to decide what track your story will take. From a basic read and view, this seems more like a simple, toned down version of a tale of your clan's achievements, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but most readers hope for a more... Lively and explosive kind of story. Like for example, you could spend more time detailing your fights. Like you could add your main character and your clan mates and say for example... I led my spies in the daring mission of poisoning the water supply of the trolls. Each step I took made me feel like my heart would burst. If by any chance we were discovered, the troll guards would be all over our small battalion... Like you could talk directly as one of the characters, but of course this is all up to you, so if this isn't your style or you just don't have the feel for it, don't worry, just do whatever you like best. This was just a suggestion. Nonetheless I still have high hopes and expectations for you because of the high caliber of your work. Good luck! If you ever need to chat or ask any questions, just hit me up! iZaln
Thank you for your input, Zaln. You're right, this particular story is a somewhat toned-down account of my clan's recent achievements. Future stories will be more character based and have more excitement.
@Cheesemuffin: Your criticism is welcome, but please put it here rather than in the story thread. Thanks.
Eh... Upon Zaln's request, I apologize for the rashness of the comment. However, you do need to work on your description, and several other minor things. Anyway, if anyone else has a reply to my angry comment, don't bother. I'll be playing D
Thank you, Cheese. Apology accepted. I have begun rewriting. After looking back through what I've already posted, it was obvious to me that I've written what amounts to a detailed outline, the skeleton of a story. I hope you'll enjoy the finished project when I post it. Thank you!