This will be written like a story but is not a story age 5 and 6 Age 5 Ali was a young girl who thought nothing of violence. She just loved being with friends and enjoying the beauty of life. Tomorrow was her birthday it was all going well until her parents said something she would never forget Age 6 "Ali we are moving tomorrow bring all your toys". Ali just stood there in shock not a single muscle in her body. She sat down and was pouty until her birthday party started. She had a lot of fun almost forgetting she was moving. When she opened gifts she got a lot of toys and stuffed animals, then the last present was here. It was from a boy she knew from school. She opened it and inside was a foam sword, being as kind as she was she said "Thank you." and walked inside. Suddenly next to her was her best friend, Isabella "What's wrong Ali?" she said. "Oh nothing I'm just moving tomorrow and I wanted to have the best day ever." "Where are you moving to?" asked Isabella. "I don't know my parents didn't tell me." Isabella grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil and scribbled something down "This is my home phone number, be sure to call me when you get there." "I will" replied Ali
Damn those are sucky parents. Oh hey son/ daughter by the way were moving tommorow so you better pack fast
Age 6 cont. When they got there, Ali spit out some gum into a price of paper and threw it away not realizing it was the paper with Isabella's number on it. When they got to their new house, Ali was surprised about what it looked like. She thought of it like a dojo for people to train in. Coooool she thought, but was still sad that she left her old home Age 7 One year later she liked it here. With her foam sword she stared at the target intensely then struck at it. "Should we get her a real sword or something?" her mom whispered
This is not a story. This is just a bunch of random words stapled together and then tape using old gum. At the very least use better grammar and actually show emotion.
I'm not gonna say anything critical because the last time when I said "that's not a mutation dumbass" Look at the lovely reply he put on my wall :lol:
I love replying but real haters are PielordTy no offense and the biggest hater I know is FEATHERHUNTER
How am I the real hater technically I've just pointed out flaws I noticed like why would she leave and how would she know this. Real hates just go you're a retard go away which I may have done at the beginning but I've grown more open minded. But anyway now I point out problems that people might see that could confuse them. You clarify the meaning and everyone's happy. Mmk
No offense but it seems you don't know what haters really are. Criticism of ANY KIND(preferably constructive) isn't really hate. If you can't take criticism, especially constructive criticism, you won't be able to improve.
Well, for starters, it's probably better to just make a long backstory on the actual thread for it. A backstory in 'book form' is still a backstory. It makes for a pretty crappy book, really. If it's going to be a book, at least make it detailed and not one paragraph a year. This isn't a great 'book.' You're not really going to get anywhere. It's still a backstory, and by the looks of it, it's decently short, so you can put it on your character signup.
if i was to proofread your thread beforehand, i would tell you to find something else to do with your time