It's a nice concept... But it's really, really rushed. You could easily double the quality of the story had you just dwelled on some things more. The way I see it, you're saying "this happens then this and this happens, and also that happens." It's just not appealing. Slow down a little, nothing needs to be hurried.
I didn't read the whole thing just the first half and skimmed the rest. I think the story is interesting or at least has potential to be. You really rush the story, I know that stories are most interesting when things happen but there have to places where you give background information and give more information on the characters' personality. Also since the story is rushed you're missing a lot of description for both setting and character.
Generally it's good. Couple of typos, but nothing serious. That whole chunk of dialogue between newscasters r confusing, u could try to split them up. But it's still cool mate,
I agree with a lot of the people who said it felt a little 'rushed'. There were definitely gaps that could of been filled with more background information perhaps? You did say you wrote it in parts when you could,as most people do,but maybe spend a bit more time rereading the last section you wrote before continuing. It may help you with the Transition. I'm not overly keen on the concept but that's just personal preference. Keep it up! You clearly enjoy writing.
It's very enjoyable. You could try spacing it out with more uneventful happenings, like a minor plot line with a gang, or even just day to day stuff like going to the supermarket. As long as it's entertaining, I'll read it. I look forward to reading more!
Amazing story. Keep writing. Can you put it on a second page though takes for ever to scroll to the bottom of the page to cont. thanks