I wander through the forest looking around, searching for a way out. Trapped. I'm trapped. How long have I been here? What's my name? Where am I from? Why did I come here? My mind is spinning with questions. (Some one wanna pick up on the story and write the next part?)
I feel a throbbing pain in my head. I must have been hit and knocked out. And then I realize. Who I am. Where I am. I am John Smith. 9 years old. And my step mom abuses me. The only escape I have from her wrath is in the woods, where I wait, and pray. I pray for Him. I wait for Him. I love Him. He is the almighty Shrek. I was only 9 years old. I loved shrek so much.....
I was out here in the woods for months, having to drink my sweat and eat my nails. Starving everyday living in despair, Hiding from everyone trying to survive. Not the best life but it was what I got. Seen many things. Life past with my own little eyes. I'm not going to waste anymore time, today I take action.......
I was going to trade my Shrek things for food... I had all the merchandise and movies. I prayed to Shrek every night, thanking him for the life I've been given. Shrek is love, I said, Shrek is life. Though it pained me so to give away my beautiful collection, my love for Shrek was never ogre. While I would scout for resources, all I could think about was feeling Shrek coming to save me once and for all. One night as I lay there dreaming about Shrek, I....
I heard a rustling outside... A warmth is moving towards me, it's Shrek! I am so happy! He whispers in my ear "why do you not love me anymore, little Jimmy"... I tried to explain I needed to sell my Shrek merchandise so I could eat. He grabs me with his strong ogre hands and puts me on my hands and knees. I'm ready..... "Scrub the onion juice off the floor, shrek says".. I rub and I scrub until my arms feel like they are going to fall off... My knees are sore... It hurts so much but I do it for Shrek. I want to please Shrek...
Then I woke up. It was just a dream. Shrek was never there in the beginning, tears went down my cheeks. I wanted so badly to meet my lord shrek. If I learned anything from anyone it was shrek. He taught me the meaning of life and other "stuff". He showed me beautiful things. If only it was real. I would do anything to see him once. "rustles in the bushes". I became silenced and stood there hearing something in the bushes. Could it be what I think it is?
Suddenly, I felt something grab my foot. It was Shrek. I started to cry while realizing my dream was coming true. Suddenly, I realized deceit was in the air. It was my abusive moms equally as abusive twin! I grabbed a baseball bat and my pet midget and obliterated her. While she lay wounded, I took time to gloat over my easy victory. I tied her up and decided to sacrifice her to the gods, I.e Shrek.
Everything became a blur in the next few seconds. Everything happen too fast. All I remember after repeatedly whacking my stepmom was that there was a green big creature reaching over and knocking me out. I woke up in the dark hearing a low voice. It was shrek....
I hurl her corpse into the swamp, hoping Shrek sees. I hope it is enough to please Him. I pray to Shrek with all my might. And then I hear a large crash in the swamp. It is indeed Shrek. He takes my aunt out of the swamp and crushes her with his strong Ogre hands. Her head explodes like a rotten watermelon. "It's all ogre now" he says.
Tears of joy slowly dripped down my face as I let my knees give out, forcing me to fall to the ground. It was Shrek... It was really him. As I kept my head pointed down with respect, I heard Shrek's heavy footsteps slowly approach me. Without being gentle, Shrek grasped the bottom of my chin and forced my head upward. I was staring at his mighty body, admiring the lovely smell of onions and fine tone of green that he possessed. " I love you Shrek..." I whispered slowly as I tried to share a gaze with him. My heart raced, and my face reddened as Shrek whispered....
Seductively into my ear. I started to hesitate. Shrek was a 6 foot 300 pound ogre. Should I really be doing this? Either way, 3 hours later we were both exhausted and tired. Shrek has to leave now, which is severely disappointing. He looked at me straight in the eye though, and said, "it's never ogre." 'Twas the story of my one night stand with Shrek.
"I'm not famous anymore." Shia said. It didn't matter. Shrek charged into him with a battle cry and lust for blood. The impact expunged Shia from his very existence. I thanked Shrek for overpowering the ch33ky scrub. Shrek was humble, and gave me a hat.