A Twisted Fairy Tale: On The Run feedback

LOVE the story, excited for more, I will definatly look for a twisted fairy tale: on the run!

 

Good start so far keep it up

 

Do you guys like our characters?

 

I can't say yet, they need to be developed more.

 

Yeah the last one I was typing and thought it was a long one but when I posted it it was a short one

 

I totally understand!

 

Anyways thanks to all our fans

 

I liked the slapped in the face part, fangedwolf and symphoney! 

 

Thnks

 

Okay,next post is up on page one and two

 

Can't wait for more!

 

Bump

 

Name:Tarturus
Weapon:A large broadsword
Age:20
Appearance:Black hair, brown eyes, 6'6
Bio:Exiled by Breeyas father for disobeying an order and now is looking for Breeya to warn him of his fathers plans and to protect him

 

Sorry ment Kellon was thinking of something else

 

Sounds great!

 

It's good for beginning writers. However you show a little too much rather than describing it and your use of dialog is a little dry. I think writing in the third person would be better for you, but it's your story

 

I know I know Im still learning!

 

Here's a hint to spice up your dialouge!!! Instead of said use words like:
commented
stated
laughed
groaned
exclaimed
demanded
comanded
whispered
muttered
told even helps!

 

Yeah that might help,thankyou and that was one of frustrations is deciding on how the character stated themselves