BREAKING NEWS: Patriarch Job’s empire lies in ruin today after a series of unfortunate events. Job, one of our very own patriarchs, is ,in the words of one king, “A man who is surely blessed by God.” No one is sure why this man has suddenly suffered such losses. One hypothesis is that in some way Job angered God. However many wonder what Job could have possibly done to anger God so. The most recent priestly report shows that Job made offerings daily to intercede for his entire household. In addition to this he also makes special offerings to God on all his children’s birthdays. A recent record of his wealth shows that he had over 11,000 animals. There are many who worry about the repercussions this could have on the local economy. However there are a couple of people who, instead of just shaking their heads and worrying, have made efforts to comfort Job. The names of these close friends are: Eliphaz the Termanite, Bildad the Shuhite, Zophar the Naamathite, and Elihu the Buzite. All that remains of this patriarch’s empire is him, four servants, and his wife. Job has refused to answer any comments; instead he spends his days sitting, morning, and praising God. Many are now regarding him as mentally unstable. His health has suffered as well; he is covered in boils and has shaved his head. To some it seems that Job has been cursed. His close friends have revealed that, though they beg him to, he will not pray to God in repentance; he maintains that he has committed no sin. Only time will tell whether Job will be raised up or die a lonely man.
The mark of the beast. The mark of the beast… I shudder at the very thought of it. Recently our “Great Leader” has introduced a new form of currency. This new form of currency is in the shape of a mark on our skin. So far we have been able to avoid having the mark engraved on us. We, the believers of the one true God, have been in hiding for months. Our food has begun to be depleted; it is only a matter of time before we must venture out. The patrols have become more frequent. Why, you might ask, do we refuse to get this mark? It is not for medical reasons; or because we would get in trouble, for we have all undergone plastic surgery multiple times. No, the reason is that our God has declared that we not take the mark of the beast. He has told us through the Scriptures that those with the mark of the beast will suffer (Rev 16:2). Also in Revelation, it tells us that the beast is pure evil. We do not wish to be associated in any way to evil, lest we be deemed unworthy by God. If you are listening to this, know this, God is coming back. Repent before it is too late. (Audio recording ends)