It's not bad but there are some things u need to work on. Grammar is one, and description is another. By description I mean the setting or what the characters look like. You have some but it isn't enough.(Don't over do it though!)
Hey everyone, I know that there are many grammatical errors in my first story- though when I forge on towards the next stories, I may regain my composer and stop the errors. I haven't written for a while so you may notice I'm a little bit rusty. Thank you.
Much better than before. But...the mirror thing!!! It's very boring when a character just looks at themselves in the mirror and describes themselves. If you're going to do the mirror thing maybe do it like this for example: (Random idea) "Your highness! Please sit down!" my lady in waiting cried. I groaned and plopped down on the velvet backed chair in front of my mirror. I crossed my arms and glared at the lavender silk sleeves of my dress. I hated being a queen! Sierra, my lady in waiting, took a brush and started to run it through my hair. After that she finished, she started to fix up my hair into something elegant. I watched in the mirror as she pulled my honey colored hair into a bun, then put in some pearl clips. I practiced making a disgusted expression. My green eyes glared back at me. My heart shaped face, usually calm and friendly was now a mask. "You are ready." Sierra told me. I stood up and studied myself once more. 5"5 and thin, dressed in elegance. A mask of disapproval. I was ready.
Mmmmm, good idea, I was just trying to fins a way to say how my character looks, but you have a way of making it look interesting. When I finish the stories I might make a fixed version that fixes all spelling mistakes and fixes grammatical errors, as I am not on PC rather on my iPod.
Thanks. I'm thinking of moving on, I need to work on bigger things of I want to make drastic changes to my skill.