Frozen Lake 

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by *LadyWolf (03), Nov 28, 2012.

  1. Pain shouts through me as I fall on to the frozen ground. Moans circle around me making me sick. I peck around my shoulder, and even though the wind blows snow into my eyes I can still see them. Their limping body's still moving towards me. Always moving towards me, and never stop till my blood is in their mouth.
    Even the though of this, of being torn apart bit by bit awakens the fighter in me. I force my self back onto my legs and some how I start running. I look at the house in front of me. The house I spotted only hours ago. This house Is the only chance I have, the only hope of survival I have left. The house becomes more clearer as my breathing comes out more ragged. My legs come more frozen making it harder to run. I force myself forward until I reach the front gate. I ram against it but it refuse to open. I scan the gate desperately for a lock or latch.
    The wind howls against my ears caring the Dead's moans too. I run my numb hands over the gate as panic start to rise in me. My left hand catches on something that feels like a lock. I yank up on the lock shacking the whole gate shack. Still nothing.
    I take a deep breath and feel my lungs with frozen air and scream into the night. My voice never reaches my ears as the wind wipes it away. I look at the front door willing it to open. Nothing. My legs give out from under me and I fall to the ground. Again moans circle around me but I do nothing to get up, nothing to fight back.
    three days since I've eaten and slept, I'm to tired and weak. I just want to give in stop fighting. What is done is done. My only wish is that I will be to numb to feel them rip my apart.
    And with this I close my eyes






     Hi! I hope you all like this! I hope to turn this into a series! So let me know if I should continue
     
  2. i felt cold when I read your story.

    what is it about?
     
  3. The phrasing and sentence flow seems a little funky to me. Also you have left out TONS of punctuation. A properly punctuated sentence is a happy one. :) As for the story, it's just not my type. I'm a very picky reader so I'll leave that part for others to comment on.
     
  4. Ok thank you for ur input. And the story Is about a girl who trying to survive in a world filled with zombies. It will have romance and a lot of action.
     
  5. No problem. Always happy to help. I usually only read mystery and actions books. Not a big fan of anything with romance. But that's just me. Good luck with your story :)
     
  6. Sounds good! I like books to have action and some romance too so this sounds good to me 