Hopeless - Feedback

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Bremen, Jan 6, 2014.

  1. Post your comments on the story here!
     
  2. I liked it, this type of story automatically intrigues me from the start so you had an advantage. I like the backstory given, but at the same time I personally felt that it didn't go into enough detail, if Russia was the first attack then maybe it would have been better to go more into detail about what exactly happened there and how the aliens found Earth. I hope that there is more info on Travy and James' relationship and history in the future, speaking of maybe give a year of when the story is being told, it doesn't matter all that much but it would add to the story I feel. I overall liked it and look forward to the next one.
     
  3. It's rather nice, I must say - however, there are a couple comma-period mixups around, but nothing I'd complain about. Is gudly ritten, 10/12
     
  4. I like the story a lot, cool idea.

    I'm pretty sure there weren't any misspellings? Correct me someone if I'm wrong but good job on that!

    A few times I felt like you used a word too many times like in your second post "rushed" (or it might have been "hurried") was a word you used three or four times in a row I think.

    I caught some places where you didn't finish your thought or left something out, like "I cannot ever as charismatic as James, however I'm a captain of the police force of New Charleston."

    8.6/10 from me.
     
  5. You can make a city on Saturns rings? Must have had some amazing terraforming, I could swear they were made of ice dust. Still, if we've settled on like four planets then i suppose we'd be more advanced :lol:
     
  6. Original setting and plot so far.
    Very few grammar mistakes however like ham I think sometimes you left out a word in sentences.
    Also coming from a girl - try not to bombard the reader with too many military-like commands at once. :|
     
  7. All this story posting wants me to post my 13 page short story I wrote with a friend.
     
  8. This story is the genre that I like plus it really allows you to get a mental picture of what happens 9.5/10 can't wait for next chapter
     
  9. BUMP! Finally finished new chapter
     
  10. The Caitlyn girl seems intriguing :3
    I found two grammar mistakes but on the whole it was great in that regard.
     
  11. Really didn't need two threads.