Dear Hardcore OSW Warriors! We all OSW because it is one of the best way to get immersed in the Massive Multiplayer War experience. But don't you all think the 'reasons' these osw's got started are a little bit on the weak side?? Well wait no more! Yours truly has compiled a great collection of 'reasons' to start wars! So when you are ready to start your next OSW, just pick one of these 'more meaningful' 'reasons' and start stripping your enemies.. M'kay? Reason #1: BEER! OK.. Just once, I would like to see a big osw started cos someone had a little too much BEER... Just say 'I was buzzed and I farmed you.. Now let's brawl!'.. Reason #2: Start another war IN Philosopher's thread! First of all, Phil is genuine in his interest in reporting the osw's.. And he brings all sort of journalistic styles from Walter Cronkite to TMZ. So let's just ignite Another war by hijacking and flaming in his threads! I know it's been done recently! Bravo! Oh and he'll report on that war, which another clan can use to hijack and start another war.. And so on! Reason #3: Fat Fingers! You know how you are checking for ally buying and accidentally bought someone's allies? Well, next time when that happens, just steal strip their orig owner and start a Fat Finger osw! Reason #4: TEA! Did you think the American Revolutionary War was started because 'Taxation without representation' or other silly sounding reasons?.. NO!!!! The American revolted cos they don't like Tea!.. And they are sick and tired of flabby British sipping on tea and crumpets in their fine China (ok how many cultures did I just insult? ) My point here is, start a war because there is something genuine that you don't like about the other clan.. And call them out for it!!! Ps: what do Americans like to drink? (Yes.. Reason #1!) Reason #5: ANNIHILATION! In 149 B.C, after decades of harassment by Hannibal and Hasdrubal, Romans had enough of it.. And send General Scipio to, guess what?, ANNIHILATE the Carthaginians!!! And.. annihilate he did.. most people don't even know where the city of Carthage is (in Libya).. So forget about skirmishes that end with a CF and apology.. Call Annihilation AND wipe that enemy clan off the map! We have seen a few in KAW history.. Reason #6: ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE! No.. This is not quite what most of you are thinking.. Look at this poster for a sec.. YES!! Start a war against some EB buffet leeching Kaw Zombies.. Why?! 1-Cos they walk slow 2-You get to shoot at them 3-There are plenty of targets to go around!! Now.. This will be by no means an easy war.. There are just too many of them.. And they can swarm you.. So.. Here are a couple of tips.. Choose your weapons wisely Have plenty of Ammo Make sure you have a decent ride If she turns into a zombie, Do Not Hesitate to take action! A Tank may be better Teach your wife how to shoot!!! * You might as well teach her Mom to shoot to.. Cos chances are.. No matter how much you'd want her to have turned into a Zombie, she won't.. And will be tagging (and nagging) along with you.. Oh... And lastly, also teach your Girlfriend to shoot! ENJOY!! *Note: This post has no affiliation or sponsored by The Umbrella Corp family Reason #7: WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!! Here's what you do.. Pick a clan that you don't like.. ..and show 'intelligence' reports that they are harbouring weapons of mass destruction! MG's 'secret weapons' facility iG's fleet of bombers Then you throw in a little more war propaganda.. ...and Voila! You have an awesomely legit reason to go and obliterate the enemy.. Now.. It's ok if you never find any WMD's Hey.. Did you find any WMD's?.. No, but I just farted.. Just do some more propaganda shots to claim victory.. SO... What are you waiting for? Put on your gas masks and go root out the WMD's!! ******************************************* Now.. WMD's can be anywhere so don't trust anyone!!! For example, they can be in.. HOUSTON I count at least 3 Rockets in this picture What's in her hands?.. A WMD! TOLEDO Another half a dozen Rockets SCOTLAND That's how they spell Rockets in Scotland PHILADELPHIA I'm not sure but let's ask her! She's not talking? Oh well, send her to GITMO! We interrupt this post with a news flash!!! BREAKING NEWS! The limousine carrying Denni, Deadly, Willy, Farr, Banana, Eric, RP and Cynder has been pulled over for suspected WMD's onboard.. Now where were we? Oh.. WMD's.. So how can you tell a WMD?.. Here's a basic guide.. Super Soakers They are deadly in the pool parties You know it's a WMD when the Kardashians are wielding it! PIES Equally deadly with massive splatter collateral damage ....and WAFFLES! Bring Maple Syrup to counter the poison So there you have it folks.. Get rid of WMD's I leave you with Weapons of Mass Distraction.. Which are totally harmless Reason #8: REVENGE!!! Now we delve into the darker and more primitive impulses of the reasons for war.. The theme is this.. You have been wronged and you demand not just answers or explanations or even justice.. You want Revenge! So next time a clan has wronged you or your friends or your clan, don't just ask for explanation.. To quote from Tombstone, "You tell them I'M coming.. and Hell's coming with ME!" Now.. you still must exact Revenge with style.. So, yours truly have put together a sampler of movies and quotes where: 1) Revenge was a central theme.. and 2) It was done in style FISTS OF FURY Who better to deal out revenge than Bruce Lee himself with his lightening fists! Style points: After you KO an opponent, do the Bruce Lee face! You'll feel much better.. HAMLET "How came he dead? I'll not be juggled with: To hell, allegiance! vows, to the blackest devil! Conscience and grace, to the profoundest pit! I dare damnation. To this point I stand, That both the worlds I give to negligence, Let come what comes; only I'll be revenged Most thoroughly for my father!" Yea.. Bill the Bard was the Bruce Lee of English Lit.. Style points: I don't know half the words here but feel free to quote it on someone's wall and they'll go 'wha..?!'.. Giving you time to strip them THE PATRIOT The French Indian wars were primeval.. Just like revenge.. Style points: A Tomahawk KILL BILL It is an awesome revenge fantasy (which is somewhat weaker than pure revenge movies.. Like Deathwish).. But a very cool set of movies cos... Style points!.. If you are gonna have a revenge fantasy, make sure you have.. - Sonny Chiba forging for you, wicked samurai swords and saying things like "Should you come across god, he will be cut..." Check! - Lucy Liu leading a band of thugs with an awesome name like Crazy88.. Check! - A villain lady with an eye patch.. Check! - Snakes in a suitcase.. Check! - Yamaha YZF-R's with samurai swords sticking out.. Check! - Having to Kung-Fu palm strike your way out of being buried alive.. Check! - White haired Kung-Fu master who can stand on a sword and mock you.. Check! - David Carradine bringing a flute from the 1970's.. Check! - Five point palm exploding heart technique as your revenge weapon.. Check! - Japanese schoolgirl wielding a chain mace weapon.. Check! - Yellow leather in tribute to Bruce Lee.. Check! Yea.. You could say that was a good revenge movie.. ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST This was one badass western.. you can pretty much swap this with other great revenge films from Unforgiven to True Grit.. Style point: forget 1vs1.. Take on 3 enemies and bring take them all down! STAR TREK For a Utopia where there is no money and the humanity strives for peaceful expansion of knowledge, Star Trek sure has a lot of vengeance and revenge.. Here's some quotes to get you going.. "Khan: He tasks me. He tasks me and I shall have him! I'll chase him 'round the moons of Nibia and 'round the Antares Maelstrom and 'round Perdition's flames before I give him up!" "[hailing Khan] This is Admiral Kirk. We tried it once your way, Khan, are you game for a rematch? Khan, I'm laughing at the "superior intellect." Khan: Full impulse power! Joachim: No, sir! You have Genesis! You can have whatever... Khan: [grabs Joachim in anger] FULL POWER! DAMN YOU!" "Khan: Surely, I have made my meaning plain. I mean to avenge myself upon you, Admiral. I deprived your ship of power, and when I swing around, I mean to deprive you of your life." "Klingon Commander Chang: Kirk.. I shall blow you out of the Stars!" "Lily Sloane: Jean Luc, blow up the damn ship! Captain Jean-Luc Picard: No! Noooooooooo! [Smashes glass and model ships with his phaser] Captain Jean-Luc Picard: I will not sacrifice the Enterprise. We've made too many compromises already; too many retreats. They invade our space and we fall back. They assimilate entire worlds and we fall back. Not again. The line must be drawn here! This far, no further! And *I* will make them pay for what they've done! Lily Sloane: You broke your little ships." Style points: Use Star Trek memes to torment your enemies! PRINCESS BRIDE THE CROW ""Oh don't talk of love" the shadows purr Murmuring me away from you "Don't talk of worlds that never were The end is all that's ever true" - The Cure Style points: If you are ever brought back to life in KAW for revenge, make sure you have.. A) A leather jacket, pants and boots B) Black and White Makeup C) An electric guitar and a few power chords in 'G' D) A Crow REVENGE OF THE.. This is a must see revenge film for all the underdog players and clans of KAW! Style Points: I only have two words for you.. "Panty Raid!" A BETTER TOMORROW This is for the awesome players in the Orient.. Underneath the kinetic action, this John Woo masterpiece has a deep exploration of friendship, morality and revenge in it's storyline.. GET CARTER (1972) This is quite possibly the most unapologetic revenge movie ever.. Michael Cain plays an amoral and gritty gangster who goes back to his tough hometown to seek revenge against a bunch of badass gangsters "Jack Carter: A pint of bitter [snaps fingers as bartender walks away] Jack Carter: ...in a thin glass!" Style points: Say that with a Newcastle accent Of course, I cannot finish this sampler without the Magnum Opus of the revenge novels.. MOBY DICK You probably notice that I've already quoted a paraphrase from this classic novel earlier in this post.. Such is the power of the narrative of this classic novel that have explored, among many themes, man's urge to control the uncontrollable, and seek revenge against a destructive force of nature which in turn destroys us. "To the last, I grapple with thee; From Hell's heart, I stab at thee; For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee." Put THAT on someone's wall instead of the usual hissy fit.. Peace! Reason #9: HAWT WOMAN! (or Dude) What? Did you think I was gonna say 'LOVE'? Let me tell you about the greatest war in mythology..It's really long but I'll give you the short version.. Paris visit Mycenae and saw Helen Helen was Smoking HAWT Paris steals Helen back to Troy Menelaus gets pissed and calls his buddy clans from all of Greece All the badass bosses from Ajax and Diomedes to Odysseus and Achilles came and launch 1000 ships across the Aegean Sea Paris's Brother Hector was a badass boss himself and calls his own buddies from the Aeneus and Sarpedon to the Amazons And they fought for 10 Years!!!! *I don't really know how it ended cos I fell asleep at the movie theatre after an hour and a half., a Horse was involved* ..... And the point of the story is.. HAWT WOMEN are worth fighting for!!!! Go and steal a Hawt player from your enemy and have them siege you for 10 years!!!! Now.. THAT would be an epic OSW
Super important stuff here Ashes.. The World of kaw thanks you for your selfless contributions to the betterment of Kaw
TLDR JK Ashes never disappoints, even if his threads are long as **** and have more hidden messages than the Obama care bill
Cause Ash thinks he's Mr Grey and wants to put me over his knee. Beast. Is it hot in here or just me. Or cause I ordered a Mustang with lawn mower attachments cause I thought that's what they did at Monster Garage. (I really think thats false advertising . You know got their own tv show and everything ) Or you just plain angry you can't recall which item your suppose to use on these =%<¥ epic battles Or or the dumb ass red lettering mucking up your cc with the same fairy tale grade 7 story about whatshisface releasing a hord of blood sucking whatsits. There really should be an option to stab yourself with a plastic fork when 50 of those fireball thingies fail to upgrade you're obsolete equipment This #%={ never ends Disclaimer(s) Apologize profusely to all those sedative ppl in grade 7 it was the toughest 4 years of my life. I'm also sorry if I hurt any DEVS Admin or other jerks re the whatsits and fireball stuff. My clan doesn't know I'm on a weekend pass. Can you say ass in KaW I always wanted to start a thread on the jeans sizes I saw in Wallmart in the Excited States of America. Obama care must work they are well fed. So cool I can outrun them. (just unplug the battery on the cart) I hate being bipolar it's awesome
Ashes, you are freakin awesome. 10 outa 10! also, dionese? Ur kinda awesomes too. much lulz. Very pictures, such gif wow