Goddess's Host

(ignore my last post, had a mess up!)
Hello! My name is Shana and I am a new writer for KaW, but if you know me, you know about my other 3 stories: Forever Alone?, Love and Loss/L and L, and Accidents Shouldn't Happen.
Anyway, I am starting a story here!  It is about Rick Riordan's trilogy, The Kane Chronical's. he has inspired me to write this book. It's called Goddess's Host. And the chapters are pretty long, so updates might take me a while. Also, it's like a recording like the trilogy.
I would like feedback and criticism, not just "It's good" or anything like that. I want to know what I can improve on. What needs to be changed. What I need to add!
So here it is! Hope y'all like it!

Goddess's Host

Chapter 1
Quinn

My name is Quinn Ferwald and I hope this recording gets to you! This recording my help you between you life and your death! All of this is about my life with the help of a friend.
Now, I have the blood of the pharaoh's running through my veins. I don't look the part, but when you host your favorite Egyptian god/goddess in your mind, it's kinda hard not to play the part.
My family is poor because my mother died when I was seven and my father is a drunk and he spends almost all his money on beer. So that leaves me and Carson. I'm the eldest of us two, with me being fifteen. Carson is ten so he was barely two when our mother died.
Carson, however, doesn't have my father's blood in him. Which means he isn't ancient royalty.
My great great-whatever grandmother, Cleopatra had a sister. Her sister and her switched places when Miss Cleo had a child. So, don't go believing that Cleopatra didn't have any children and ended Egypt, because that was her twin sister.
So I have the same coal black hair and stunning blue eyes as my ancient great-something grandmother. But I have glasses and I'm a bit dorky. Since I couldn't have the fame of being rich, I decided smarts was the next best thing.
I am popular, but because of my ancient history. So I hang out with the most popular girls in school, let them know the answers on their math homework, be thy typical used geek of the group. I pretend I have no idea that they are using me, but I know their game. So I slip them the wrong answers, let them be the usual dumb types.
But there is one girl who is a true friend. Or should I say goddess? Her name is Bast. She is the goddess of all things feline. Yes, cats, lions, tigers, leopards, you name it! But the girl that hosts her is Daniella.
Daniella has jet black hair that is always kept in a hair tie, in case of scares. (Don't ask.) She has hazel eyes, but when I look at her, she has the golden eyes of her goddess. She is lengthy and flexible like a cat. She has long nails that can grow a tad longer when you make her angry. [She's telling me to shut up, but you can't blame me for details!]
Daniella and I have been friends since these goddesses took their time to take our minds. I almost forgot! My goddess is Neith, goddess of the hunt and survival. She comes in handy, but I have a bad temper, thanks to her. And she's hard to control.
There are positives to having a goddess in your mind, but it can be really bad too. For example, if you use up too much power or let them control you, you could burn up and die. And they can talk to you, in your mind. They give you random suggestions and annoy the ka out of you!
But they can can help you with magic needs. Like if you need a spell to save your life or a friend's. They can help you in most needs. Like, mine can tell me how to make a fire, bow, dagger, knife, anything out of natural resources. And Daniella's can help you talk to any felines, which can help if one is going to eat you.
Enough with details! [Dani is praising the gods for that!] Let's start with the story, starting with San Francisco.


This story starts with when I ended up with a goddess in my head. I was at the Museum of Ancient Egypt in San Francisco on a boring field trip.
"And so you see," said our tour guide, Mr. Scrampton, "that Miss Cleopatra died after the end of Egypt, which she caused."
Mr. Scrampton was a small, thin man. He had a bald spot on the top of his head and he didn't bother to hide it. He had a very boring voice, and I was almost asleep until he said what he did about Miss Cleo.
"Liar," I heard. I looked around and realised it was me who said it. So I pushed my way to the from and stared at him with my piercing eyes.
"What are you talking about, young lady?" he asked.
"My great great-whatever is Cleopatra!" I exclaimed, my eyes piercing into his soul.
"W-what are you talking about Cleopatra didn't ha-" he started.
"Oh, hush it! My ancient ancestor, Cleopatra, switched places with her sister when Cleopatra had her child. It isn't in the records because she raised her child as a servant!" I stated firmly.
"But-"
"And, everyone mistook my ancestors as twins, but they acted like they didn't. But they were protecting Cleopatra's child. Don't ask how I know, because it's your job to find out!" I exclaimed.
There were ohs and giggles from the crowd of students behind me. I stood there, arms crossed, waiting for him to say something. He opened and closed his mouth like a fish as her tried to come up with a retort.
"Miss Quinn Ferwald!" I heard behind me. I turned to see Miss Quinsy, my history teacher. I groaned and waited for her to approach.
She walked up to me, hands on her hips and asked. "Quinn, what has gotten into you?"
"Miss Quinsy, he made a false reference about my ancient ancestor, and pharaoh, Cleopatra!" I exclaimed.
"I will not hear of it!" she exclaimed back. "You are to wait in the other room until it is time to go!"
"Fine! It's better than this crummy tour anyway!" I stalked out and to the room next to it. I blocked the conversation from the other room and roamed. I saw paintings of many gods that I didn't know about at that time. Then I saw a vase with the painting of a woman with a what looked like a zero with antennae on the bottom and the top on her head.
When I looked around I saw a woman in camouflage cargo pants and shirt. She had a bow and a quiver of arrows which I don't think was allowed in the building. She has black hair like mine an she had stunning eyes like mine.
I wanted to ask, "Modern day Cleopatra?" but I just stood there with a confused expression on my face. She smiled and said, "Be prepared for the war to come."
I just blinked and she was gone. I looked around and saw no one. So I grabbed the vase to take a closer look at the painting. It started slipping from my hand and I hugged it in my arms as I fell over onto another display.
I heard crashing and I looked around me. I saw three muscular guys who seemed like their eyes glowed.
"Prepare for your death," they said in unison. I was freaking out. I thought it was a joke. Then I heard people scrambling in to see what was going on. I got up and looked at the only exit there was. I dropped the case and heard it explode on the floor.
I saw a woman with a leopard jump suit on and her hair in a hair tie. "Why did you do that?" she asked. "Now you have minions of Chaos on your hands!"
"Huh?" I asked. I was seriously freaking out. Then Mr. Scrampton cane in with a long wooden boomerang and a staff with many carvings and a carving of a lion head on top.
"Bast, how are you?" he asked the woman.
"I could be better," she replied and flicked her wrists. Two twin blades shot out of her sleeves. My eyes widened at the sight.
She ran at the three men and started fighting them blade-to-hand. And let me tell you, she could seriously handle them alone.
"You," Mr. Scrampton pointed at me. I heard some students run in the room where the woman, Bast, the three men, Mr. Scrampton and I were in.
"Quinn, why is there a giant leopard with knices fighting three guys?" I heard Daniella ask.
"I don't know!" I squeaked.
"That's not a leopard! That's a serial killer and the guards are fighting her off!" I heard Tommy Menatiaz exclaim. He seemed to be enjoying the show along with the rest of the class.
"You two," Mr. Scrampton pointed at Daniella and me, "come with me. Bast! Hurry!"
"I'm almost done!" I heard as Daniella and I followed the tour guide.
"I knew about you two since I saw you," he said. "I'm sorry about what I said, Quinn. But I needed to know if you knew."
"What?" I asked. I didn't understand.
"Great great-something of Cleopatra and King Tut, correct?" he asked.
"Yeah," Daniella and I said in unison.
"Wait," I said, "Mr. Scrampton, what is going on?"
"My name is Leo Sanchez. Scrampton is an alias. I've been alive for centuries!" he said.
"What?" Dani exclaimed.
"Yes!" He ran outside and we followed him to his car, erm, should I say car? Or should I say boat? It was a boat that looked like a canoe, in a way, at least.
"Get in!" Mr- Erm, Leo, exclaimed.
I hopped in with no hesitation. Dani jumped in after me.
"Where is that Bast woman?" Dani asked.
"You mean goddess," Leo said. "She's fine, she'll meet us at the Nome."
"Gnome? Like a garden gnome?" I asked, dumbfounded.
"No, Nome. N-O-M-E. Nome." He rolled his eyes and took out a trench coat and a wax figure. He pushed the wax figure into the coat and spoke an odd word.
The coat seemed to come to life and picked up a paddle. He pushed us off and went a steady pace into the sky. It seemed dark for the early afternoon. It also seemed cold, even though it was almost summer.
I looked over the edge an saw nothing. I pulled back and took my necklace in hand. I held onto it for dear life. After a minute or so, Leo asked, "What is on your necklace?"
"The name Neith. The Egyptian goddess of-" I started.
"Of the hunt and survival," he finished for me. "I know."
I stared at him in shock. How did he know? I shook my head and looked over at Dani. She shrugged and looked at the coat with wide eyes.
We sat in the boat for another twenty minutes. Then we felt a jolt and the darkness cleared up. It was starting to grow dark but the buildings didn't look familiar. We were obviously not in California anymore.
"Welcome to St. Louis, home of the 73rd Nome," Leo smiled.
