Deadly Roses Prolouge Solice smiled as Candice Swelp slowly walked up to him, her brown speckled green eyes shining. Candice has just recently been accepted into the FBI, as an Investigator. She was subconsciously convinced that she wanted to be in the FBI. A little girl, who was always faint and cold, had told her that she needed to do it. She was doubtful about it, but the girl's pleading brown eyes had convinced her, but soon after she got the phone call reporting that she was accepted into the FBI, the little girl never appeared again. A month later, a death was reported of a man that goes by the name Solo. Did the little girl have anything to do with his death, or was it just a coincidence? {Is this story good? chapter 1 should be up soon }
accepted into the FBI, as an Investigator --- no comma is needed here subconsciously convinced that she wanted to be in the FBI.--- she was just accepted. This means she applied. She went through years of schooling. So, it was a pretty conscious action. The little girl--- perhaps you need to expound on this. I mean, a random little kid appears out of the blue, all weird and ghoulish.... yeah... I'm running for the hills. What does the little kid do? Is it in a dream? Does the child SEEM real? Or is it obviously an apparition. So a random freakish apparition of a weird little Freddy Krueger kid just stops and then a month later, a chick who worked for years to become an investigator for the FBI gets a phone call about an FBI investigation and she just says "Oh yeah. Must be that damn meddling kid again".... Yeah.... something really needs added here. You tense change. You will need to do a MASSIVE amount of research on the FBI procedure and such to make this realistic. Cop books are popular but you really need them to be realistic. You can't just make **** up and expect it to fly. So, yeah, do your homework. Good Luck
You go from past tense to present tense Example: Candace had a dog. Candace pets her dog. Had= past tense pets= present tense