Christmas love story

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Robinsong, Jan 4, 2012.

  1. Jennifer(you): Shoulder length, straight, light brown hair that does a small flip at the shoulder. Pretty hazel eyes with golden flecks. General outfit, black tights with short shorts, and a Christmassy shortsleeve with a jacket.

    It may not be good but here we go!
     
  2. "Finally!" you shouted as you stepped outside. People looked at you as if you were crazy. Blushing, you brushed off a snow covered bench and sat down, waiting for your mom to pick you up. "Finally!" you whispered to yourself. It was finally Christmas break! No school for two whole weeks. You thought about the Christmas party you were going to have, and how you were going to invite Mike, the hot, talented, popular guy that was now single. As you imagined him kissing you under the mistletoe, you didn't notice a guy from your grade come up and sit next to you. He waved his hand in front of your face. "Hello? Anyone there?" he grinned at you sheepishly. "Oh! Yes sorry did you need something?" you say smiling back. All awkwardness gone, he leans back onto the bench. "No, I was just wanting to talk to you." You tilt your head slightly. "Do I know you? You seem familiar..." The guy taps his chin. "No, I don't believe we have any classes together. My names Kyle." He holds out his hand. You smile at him and shake his hand. "Nice to meet you Kyle. I'm Jennifer." "So how long have you been going to this school?" He asks. "Oh I've been here all my life! Elementary through high school." You say. "Cool. I moved here in 7th grade. I used to live in Georgia. Now I'm here in freezing Michigan." He says, smiling at you again. Your mom pulls up in your black Toyota camry. "Hey, I gotta go." you scribble down your cell number. "Text me! Maybe we can have hot chocolate later on." You smile and wave, then get into the toasty car.
     
  3. Hugging your mom, you ran upstairs to your bedroom. Flinging your backpack into a corner, you flop onto your bed. Your phone buzzes it's ringtone on your leg, causing you to giggle. Pulling it out, you see it's from Kyle! It says... "Hey! I was wondering if I could take you up on your offer for hot chocolate. If your not busy. ;)" You smile and text back... "Sure you can come over! I'm on Parray Street, 2nd house down." As you hit send, you glance around your room. ("Good! It's actually clean for once.") You glance at yourself in the mirror, reapplying some of your makeup and fixing your hair, you head downstairs. "Hey mom, one of my friends is coming over, is that okay?!" you shout to wherever your mom is. "Sure honey!" she shouts back, probably from downstairs where she works out with your dad. You glanced out the window. It had started snowing! Big, fat, fluffy snowflakes covering the ground. You smiled to yourself, and walked into the kitchen to get the stuff for hot cocoa ready. Taking a seat, you drummed your fingers on the table. It was a habit your dad somehow rubbed off on you. Then the doorbell rang! You jumped up and ran to the door. Opening the door a crack, you saw Kyle standing there. Smiling even brighter, you opened the door wider. "Just making sure no hobos are asking for a place to stay." you joke. Kyle smiles and laughs. ("I love that smile...") You lead him to the kitchen and he sits down in the chair that you usually sit in. "So are you allergic to anything? I put quite a few things in my hot cocoa..." Kyle hakes his head. "Nope. I'm only allergic to some odd flower over in Brazil. I defiantly learned the hardest way." "You've been to Brazil before?" you ask, putting water on to boil. "Once. I was with my dad, he sometimes goes there for his business. I don't know why though." he looks at you thoughtfully. "Its funny how I haven't seen you at school. I mean, 3 years of going and I've never even had a class with you." He continues talking while you finish off the cocoa with whipped cream and chocolate drizzled over it. You bring the mugs over to the table and pull up a chair next to him. Kyle takes the first drink. "Wow, this is really good! Mind sharing how you did it?" he grins at you with whipped cream on his lip. You snort. "Well, I put the cocoa powder into boiled water, put melted marshmallows in, a little bit of cinnamon, and then top it off with whipped cream and chocolate." "You sound like a cook." he says, taking another drink. "It comes from my dads side." You notice that you two became a little closer, your legs almost touching. You hear footsteps behind you, and you quickly take another drink, moving your head away from his. Hearing a click, Baby It's Cold Outside suddenly starts playing on the kitchens radio. You swivel around in your chair, and you see your mom standing there. Grinning evilly and snorting, she runs away. You glance warily back at Kyle, and see that he's smiling. "Sorry about that..." you say getting up to turn the radio off. He gently grabs your arm. "No wait, can you leave it on? I like this song." Your shocked to hear this, but you smile to yourself and sit down. You sit in silence for a couple minutes, drinking your hot cocoa. You glance out the kitchen window, and see that it's started to snow alot harder. You look at Kyle, and see that he's smiling to himself, staring into his empty mug. "What are you smiling about?" you ask him. "Oh! What? Nothing..." he starts blushing. You smile at him, and take both of your mugs to the sink.
     
  4. Um, its alright.

    Try and use paragraphs, like I've done here.
    It makes the text much easier to read.
    See what I mean?

    Also, whenever someone new speaks, always put it on a new line.

    You write: You walk through the door and kick off your disgusting wet shoes. "is that you?" your mom shouts.

    It should be: You walk through the door and kick off your disgusting wet shoes.
    "Is that you?" Your mom shouts.

    Thats the proper way to write, at least.

    There's a couple of other things, if you wanna write a message on my wall, I'll give you a couple of tips.

    I really like the storyline, though!

    -Swag xoxox
     
  5. He's right.U got to capitalize it too u know!
     
  6. Can u complete the story plz?