Separate names with a comma.
Hahaha well thanks... I will see what I can do to "fix" it :) It was the result of ten minutes and a random poetic mood so! I appreciate...
Hahahaha. I was wondering what sort of reaction that would elicit. I am thoroughly amused. Keep in mind: 1) It's a metaphor... 2) it's poorly done
Flower Petal Rough and Ragged, Cruel and Cutting, The wind drives all away, Yet I see still, a glimpse of life. Dead and decaying, Fake and...
Choppy... Very choppy... Why don't you rewrite it with more description and really focus on fluidity. I'd be interested to see what you come up...
Everything save his racing heart froze as yet another voice rattled his mind. "Jacob." the voice shivered through him cruelly. "you tread on fatal...
Maybe write it in notepad and read over it first? I think that would help with some of the typos :)
Your sentences are a bit choppy and descriptions are disjointed. I think some clauses would help you greatly! :)
@willy I agree... It does strike me as odd to see modern technology in poetry... Part of me wants to say it destroys the timeless nature of the...