Separate names with a comma.
What a great ending to an incredible story! With tears in my eyes, I admit I wanted the story to continue but all good things must come to an end....
I love the twist! Didn't see that angle. Finally, the mood of the story is changing!!
Great way to keep up the anticipation dc! Please, please, please don't take too long to make your next entry!!
Yay!!! I'm SO happy Gnath is alive & kicking ass!!! I want more, I want more! Write MORE dc!! Pleeese...!
Wow dc, your latest chapter really choked me up. I am anxious & tentative to see what direction your story will take. Are you going to make me cry...
dchooker2 dchooker2 dchooker2
Short story: The Death of Matthew McClain presented by iwrite co. Author: dchooker2 Best author: dchooker2
dc, you certainly don't disappoint! :P & you have a natural ability to keep the story plot interesting. Write faster!! lol
Aug. 19 (10:01p) Fragmented sentence: Most of them were young like myself but... [consider breaking into 2 sentences: end @ "myself." omit "but"...
Sorry; disregard last line ...[as] [l/c s] she yelled [screamed] in [with a] high[-]pitch[ed] voice. Ideal ruby is referred to as "pigeon...
Aug. 20 (6:49a) It was evident she was excited about something. [omit "but"] What is was, [add comma]... [l/c s] she yelled in [a] high[-]pitched
Ok, now for my editing comments; will create entries by your submission dates.
Great start; had me hooked from the beginning. It's got everything...action, adventure, intrigue & beneath it all, unrequited love.
Sorry, last sentence should read, "I turned and ran over (remove) [in]to the cage, sliding onto the floor of it (remove "of it"), [comma added]...
Con't 7/28: comma needed btwn "lips" & "I", add "a" [...landing a small volt...]. Comma btwn "ground" & "he". Consider "cane/flute" to...
7/28 entry: use exclamation point, "It was driving me crazy!" Make "ideas" singular "...an idea crossed my mind." Consider rewriting, "When 3 pm...
7/20 entry: add comma to "After several minutes of exploring the cage, I..." Instead of "...scared little kid." consider "...scared child." Add...
7/18 entry: "Could thing it's Saturday," "Could" s/b "Good"? Suggest adding "!" to ''"Perfect!" I said to myself.' Move "quickly" to read...
Went back to re-read & have some comments. 7/14 entry: suggest adding "school" to read "There, standing in middle of our school parking lot, was...
Ok. Do I edit directly on their thread? Any special privledges you need to give me before I start?