Ill Not be stopped

I know I am misunderstood. I do not fault any of you for this miscommunication. I have so much more to show, to give... but alas this Reading is already Exceptionally long. Read it all, half, one sentence, that's up to you.

** I am aware of my spelling lol. Shorthand is by far the easiest and most efficient way to type on a phone. Bear with me, and thanks for understanding**

-Hurt and Change-

I know Ive hurt a lot of people. I was on a reckless spiritual journey, no direction. I heard a quote recently that slammed home to me. It is possible to do the wrong thing for those you love... I have always cared about people. It is important to me that the people who have earned my respect, trust and love, know that. I wasnt gd at showing that for a very long time. We call it practice in buddhism lol, becuz the teachings are mastered by noone. Every mistake we make, is our compass. Change is not an instantaneous miracle from the heavens. Change is on ur knees, digging in life's dirt, wondering what's it all for, why me, scraping ur knuckles on rocks... to see within urself. I am not a chair lol. So when someone calls me something I am not, there is no connection. That takes practice lol. Everything we say, do, even think... affects the miasmic lil world around us. Do I want to be known as wolf the destroyer? Do I wish to be Owl the wise? they are all part of me. They all serve a purpose. Is that purpose for benefit, or harm... that is what we get to decide

-Wisdom: A Sacred Art-

There is a very important reason why wisdom is a sacred art lol. Wisdom can topple kingdoms. The reason y wisdom is so cherished however, us for it's ability to unite people in understanding. Wisdom used for harm, begets more harm. Wisdom used to free, begets freedom. Ill not judge ye on ur action should ya do it lol, just remember- credibility is founded in honesty, cousin to honor. Be careful not to injure your credibility in your actions

-Dynamic Wisdom-

... Id had no idea how dynamic wisdom is. I think we often perceive wisdom as a certain or specific learned experience or a certain way... but I am beginning to see that wisdom is more like the wind all around us. The wisdom is already there, always has been. Spirit knows this. So we practice in life to tune our self to our spirit... once the beginnings of that connection are formed, we begin to "see the wind". It is daunting, always in motion, how does one grasp it?? ... u dont. like your spirit, u learn to trust the Wind of Wisdom, u let that wind come to u. It will come to you at the pace it deems, not us. Trying to greedily grasp at the wind is pointless, u always come up empty handed. Close your eyes... relax... and feel the wind upon u.

-Crazy?-

Does that sound like the ravings of an ignorant, blind lunatic? I dare you- Look deeper. U will not like what u see. It's not the shiny image we all want to believe is really us. We are literal atomic reactions on the inside, anyone who claims otherwise has never seen even the fringe of their inner self.

-Understanding Heyoka and Love-

People dont understand unconditional. People cannot grasp the concept of someone that doesnt need anything from them, for someone to love friends without some sort of payment, or benefit in return. Everyone loves Jesus, and noone understands him. He was crucified for his unconditional love. People cannot believe this unconditional love can exist- becuz if it does, they then will be forced to look at themselves, wonder y they do not do the same in return. Ghandi too was subjugated til death. These people are Heyoka. They have that unique honesty to see within themselves, to find that unconditional love that we are all capable of. They are living mirrors for those around them... People do not like what they see, have no idea they arent seeing Jesus' inner demons, but the reflection back of their own. If what they saw in that reflection had no connection to them- they would not fear Jesus. Becuz likewise, Jesus reflects back the gd in their hearts as well. Gd people do not feel threatened by Heyoka. The more at peace someone is, the less disturbing their reflection is to them... My search for me, the meeting of my demons, has been difficult. Neither do I like what I see in myself at times. We all want that Shiny image in our heads... to be shown we are nowhere even close, shows us the level of our self deception. To disdain the Heyoka, u are denying the image within yourself reflected back. To deny that part of self leaves us in a constant state of confusion, frustration, and fear... Blocking us from becoming better ourselves. I cannot climb Mt Everest if I do not see the mountain clearly, honestly. If I deny the truth of that mountain, I will never reach the top. I will always wonder y the world is preventing me from succeeding... whereas truth dictates it is I who is constantly blocking myself from the top...

-Seeking Love-

I am far from unconditional love, but my hope is that given enuf practice, I too can understand it. So many people are so very deserving of love. I wish to love the way Jesus was able. sad part is, the closer I seem to get to this understanding, the less people understand me. I dont want to hoard that love from others. I want people to remember... Wolf, now that was a guy who gave his heart to people. I dont want fame, notoriety, power over others, or even power over myself. Love doesnt seek to control. I want to love in such a way people can love me back. Im not a very demanding person lol, Im a believer in freedom. If u wish the affection of a bird for instance, do not cage it. That's possession, not friendship. If you feed a stray cat, the cat learns of your kindness- it is allowed to be free, yet understands that care for them, that food... is always there.

-Hypocrisy and Denial-

really, it's a matter of pure ignorance. Hypocrisy and denial are very similar, or at least connected ina fashion. to be hypocritical, one must first deny a certain thing. and to be in denial, one is often found being hypocritical lol.

-When I'm Gone-

I know Jesus' sadness. I live it every day. they are completely unwilling to see the harm they cause. I know y Jesus was willing to die... Sometimes in life, the true impact of what one is worth, what one does for others is never understood until that person is gone. Then they have no target. Only then are they forced to realize the reality of the terrible things they've done. If they cannot blame it on another, when that person is no more, and all their same troubles remain... Only then do they realize I was not the cause of their inner torment.

Compassion. Empathy. While Jesus was around, they were forced to compare, and not liking what they see, lash out (hate) at the one that wanted them to love and be loved.

It is foolish of them to claim I have not studied buddhism. There is no guideline to how a buddhist is sposed to be. Buddhism takes into acc that we WILL make mistakes. That despite all my studies, all my practice, that I am very capable still of hurting others- and they havent a clue that the hurt I cause them scars me far more deeply than they could ever hurt me.

The harassment Ive endured kills people. they cannot understand that their is no amount of practice that can make me immune to their hate. immunity is numbness, a detachment- that's a self defense mechanism. It serves a very valid role, allowing me to soften the level of hurt they give unto me, but it is not intended for long term. That numbness, that void of emotion, robs me my life. I cannot exp joy in life by living numb.

I understand them in ways they could never guess. my heart cries, and I am not allowed to show any vulnerability. They cannot know my tears, lest they ridicule me all the more. I am not allowed to be the entire me I seek so earnestly.

Life is hard enuf as is without the hate. Not a single one of them knows my situation irl, nor do they care. I do not want sympathy, nor do I need it. Do not pity me, this is the path I chose willingly (not directed at u). I do not have any illusions that life is fair.

The more I seek understanding, the less they understand me. Ironic that

-Allowing Yourself to Grow-

there is no need for your apology lol. I am reminded of Jesus- Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do. I have no desire to hate them. hate is a very dangerous slope to our spiritual health. we must be careful, lest we find ourselves in an avalanche of hate. the people who seek truth and understanding come to me freely of their own volition

Forum threads like that do not cause me overly much harm. The bigger injuries happen to their own credibility. I dont need their approval or faith in my word as a practicing buddhist. There is no guideline in buddhism as to how a person must act. Buddhism already takes into accoumt that I WILL make mistakes. if I spent every waking moment worried bout my image, scared to make mistakes... well that wouldnt be a very peaceful life now would it?

Success in practice isnt avoiding mistakes... it's owning your mistakes that u may allow yourself to change.

-Ego-

My ego is the primary reason for any of my lack of growth. I must look my ego square in the eyes. I must acknowledge it. I must shake it's hand, and ask humbly that it would please step out of my way that I may grow. When I am able to walk side by side with my ego and we can grow together in understanding, then I accepting a part of me. I am allowing myself to love me.

-The Reactor Inside You-

Does that sound like the ravings of an ignorant, blind lunatic? I dare you- Look deeper. U will not like what u see. It's not the shiny image we all want to believe is really us. We are literal atomic reactions on the inside, anyone who claims otherwise has never seen even the fringe of their inner self.

-I Don't Care Hurts-

"I don't care" is a lie. Everytime we say that, we are further out of balance with our very own spirit. Ignoring our pain is like doing nothing for an infected wound. That wound, the longer it goes untreated, the more severely damaging it is. I cannot keep up with their hate. I am barely able to remain standing let alone have the strength to defend myself.

-Tired Soul-

aye lol. Im a tired soul... I am not one to give up, but there are limits to what Iron Wolf can endure. There are hundreds, maybe thousands of people every year that are killed enduring a fraction of what I have. We dont know who or how many in kaw that no longer play may very well be dead, suicide. I know everyone wants to shy away from that topic. But look at reality. Not everyone has the same level of practice... we'll never know who they are that may have died in direct relation to cyber bullying. I am not innocent. Every day it occurs to me that, at some point I could very well have pushed them too far... that possibility weighs a ton upon my heart. To wonder if I was a direct cause for their death.

Ive lived under bridges. in shacks. frozen at night sometimes, crying. Ive been beat down by life many times- I know not my breaking point. I know not if the next thing someone says will damage me beyond repair.

There is no enjoyment in life when we aunderstanding be numb.

-Fear: What is it?-

I am well aware of folks reactions to me. What we do not understand, we cannot know if it intends us harm or not. Fear is a reactionary emotion, a defense. Those who lash out and hurt others, are instinctively reacting to Fear. I am guilty. This is a very tough Practice. In Buddhism, we call it practice, as the teachings are mastered by noone.

-Heyoka-

- Empaths are individuals that can be hard to relate to, but have shared emotion responses with others. They read into body language and special inflections, gleaning more information than the average person would gloss over.
- In the modern world, apathy and sympathy reign supreme, as the average person tries be selective in the information they focus on.
- We all have the biological hardware to feel what another person feels but we have to be open to the experience.
- The acknowledgement of the feelings of others, requires a special sort of honesty with ourselves. Not everyone has a developed sense of empathy.
- Those that do, have a special place in society as empaths. The most valued type of empathic archetypes is known as Heyoka.
- A Native American term, Heyoka's are living emotional mirrors for those around them. The term means 'sacred clown' or 'fool'. They reveal our shortcomings and weaknesses. They show us our faults and add a way to develop these faults.
- This disruption to our spiritual status quo should never be seen as a bad thing. They only mean to help those around them. If you leave a Heyoka feeling irritated and angry over a negative aspect of their personality (say their arrogance), realize that you are getting upset over them highlighting that formation in you.
- Maybe you leave a Heyoka filled with a sense of love. They may be trying to convey to you the importance of self-love and acceptance. This 'mirroring', isn't always a conscious decision, but it's still a consistent theme in your interactions with them. They are trying to teach you how to open your eyes in a way.
- This constant, unpredictable behavior may get under your skin. They seem to know what's bothering you even when you don't know, much less want to address it. They can't leave you blind to your pain though, so they will clue you into it without fail.
- Don't run from the experience or push them away. They only want to help and your pain genuinely hurts them as well. Pay attention to your reflection and learn from it. Your Heyoka friend bothers you because of their cruel expression of humor.
- Instead of getting upset over it, pay attention to the way your own humor is expressed and how it affects others. You are likely doing the same thing the Heyoka is doing but in ignorance.

As this previous thread was deleted for absolutely No reason, I repost. I will continue to repost, as I am violating NO POLICIES!!

I am allowed to be heard!

 

Thank you Ellez!!

There was absolutely No reason for either of those threads to be deleted, NOR have they informed me of why they were.

 

There is absolutely nothing "Spamming" about this topic! You alloe a hate filled topic like batdogs, but when I speak of wisdom and understanding, compassion and care... you delete.

We will find you out Kawmunnity. We are watching.

 

Xo, you do yourself great honor in your willingness to see beyond the hate of those who understand nothing, much respect my friend.

I finally begin to see the connection-

All those who have stood by me, have made the effort to see deeper, to try and understand me... You are the Kind-hearted of kaw. Your actions promote warmth, they give people around u the feeling that you want them to succeed! Your empathy is very powerful! And that is what "They" fear.

Becuz look at the opposing side- Hatred, insult, slander, the wish for people to fail, the absolute unwillingness to see deeper... Now it makes sense.

You my friends are the living breathing spirit of this game... as they already sold their souls years ago.

Fight the CORRUPTION! Yes Im talking to you Kawmunnity.

 

Aye Moody. Careful. You mods have no guaranteed immunity.

Also, on another note, did anyone notice the length of time it took for them to "Decide" my thread was supposedly spam??? lmfao!!! Days! That post had been there for DAYS at the TOP of acive topics the whole time!!

Aye, it was only deleted when someone got mighty close to the truth. Makes ya wonder eh?