2017 Seal Giveaway

Discussion in 'Other KaW Discussion' started by _ZE_FireKTN_MP_, Dec 10, 2016.

  1. Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
    Man: "Yes!"
    Reporter: "Name?"
    Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
    Reporter: "S.e.x?"
    Man: "Three to five times a week."
    Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
    Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
    Reporter: "Holy cow!"
    Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
    Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
    Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
    Reporter: "Oh dear!"
    Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
     
  2. Why didn't they save the hippie from drowning?

    Because he was too far out
     
  3. "I'll give away ten seals" until your wife finds out.
     
  4. The best parrot joke ever:

    A woman goes into a pet shop to buy a Parrot. The assistant tells her that he's only got one left and that she can have it for $10.

    "But"!! he added "I must warn you - his previous owner was a Madam in a house of ill repute".

    "That's ok"! the woman says - "I'll take it anyway"

    When she got it home the Parrot said "Ah, a new brothel and a new Madam"
    The woman replied "This is no brothel and I am no Madam"

    After a while the woman's two daughters came to visit for the day the Parrot said "Ah, new workers"!!
    The woman repeated "This is no brothel, I am no Madam and these are my daughters"

    Just then the woman's husband came home from work, and the Parrot said "Hi FireKTN."
     
  5. A man walks into a bar and has a few shots. Ok, a dozen. When he's good and drunk, he leaves the bar. The man wanders into an alley, and is cornered by two thugs armed with guns.
    Thug 1: This is a robbery. Put your hands up and turn around where I can see your face.
    Thug 2: You can already see his face idiot. Bud, you're going to give us all of your money, or I shoot.
    Man: You can't do this!
    Thug 2: Why?
    Man: Because I'm Jesus!
    Thug 1: *laughs* yeah right.
    Thug 2: And I'm the queen of England.
    Man: No, I'm serious!
    Thug 2: Fine, prove it!
    The man brings the thugs to the bar he was at. Upon entering the bar, the bartender who served the man sees him, and exclaims, "Jesus Christ, you're back already!"
     
  6. The biggest joke seems to be all these entries to the competition ^
     
  7. The biggest joke is your dead clan
     
  8. To add a little more chance, there will be 1 more consolation horn prize for a total of 5. Meaning there will be 10 winners
     
  9. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back to you?

    A stick
     
  10. How do you confuse a gay person?


    7
     
  11. What do you call a crazy squirrell???!? Nuts!!!
     
  12. I like bagels you like bagels everyone likes bagels
























































































    [Insert stupid joke here]



















    I suck at jokes 

    I think I'm just a noob
     
  13. The huge unnecessary spacer makes you a noob alone.
     
  14. +1
     
  15. (Took from the webternet)

    WHO DOES WHAT
    A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the
    coffee each morning.
    The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then
    we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
    The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you
    should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
    coffee."
    Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
    that the man should do the coffee."
    Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
    So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him
    at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"
     
  16. A guy in a club asked a drunk girl for her number. She said, "S.e.x! S.e.x! S.e.x! Free s.e.x tonight!" He said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
     
  17. Why does Waldo wear stripes?

    Because he doesn't want to be spotted.
     
  18. The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

    The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

    "I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?"

    The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

    Grandpa says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

    The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet."

    Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

    Grandpa says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

    Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

    The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

    "Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

    The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

    Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he ends up urinating all over the auditor's desk.

    The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

    "Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

    "Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!"
     
  19. Mr. Goldberg went to the zoo one day. While he was standing in front of the gorilla's enclosure, he noticed the gorilla watching him intently. The man waved at the gorilla, the gorilla waved back. He patted his stomach and the gorilla copied him. He jumped up and down, the gorilla started jumping. He made faces, pulled his hair, hopped on one foot, spun in a circle, and beat on his chest. His antics were copied exactly by the gorilla in the cage.
    All of a sudden the wind gusted and he got some grit in his eye. Mr. Goldberg rubbed his eye, trying to make it better. While doing so he stepped closer and closer to the cage. As he pulled his eyelid down to dislodge the particle, the gorilla went crazy, banged against the bars, reached out, grabbed the nearly blinded Goldberg and beat him senseless. When the zoo keeper came to Mr. Goldberg, he told the keeper what had happened. The zoo keeper nodded and explained that in gorilla language pulling down your eyelid means "screw you."
    The explanation didn't make the gorilla's victim feel any better but he accepted it. As he left he became madder and madder. He plotted his revenge. The next day he purchased two large knives, two party hats, two party horns, and a large sausage. Putting the sausage in his pants, he hurried to the zoo and over to the gorilla's cage, into which he tossed a hat, a knife, and a party horn.
    Knowing that the big ape liked to mimic people, he put on a party hat. The gorilla looked at him, and looked at the hat, and put it on. Next he picked up his horn and blew on it. The gorilla picked up his horn and did the same. He twirled in a circle blowing the horn. The gorilla did the same. Then Goldberg picked up his knife and waved it over his head. Again the gorilla copied it. Next he whipped the sausage out of his pants, and sliced it neatly in two. The gorilla looked at the knife in his big hairy hand, looked at his own crotch, and pulled down his eyelid.
     
  20. I like pie too.