Dear ATA - A Passive Aggressive Letter

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Zethor, Sep 14, 2016.

  1. Dear A Thinking Ape,

    I take up pen and paper today to write this letter to you, addressed only to you, for no eyes other than yourself and your staff members to see.
    After much thought on the matter, I have sought to write this letter regarding our relationship. Once hot and heavy, like Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, it is now cold and dead, like Kim Kardashian and Ray J. And at this sad truth I cannot help but mourn.
    You have given me many excellent memories, like that time we got drunk and sang the A Team theme song out front of a day care until the cops were called. I got tasered twice in the face, and you soiled your tight khakis, remember? Or the time we snorted the... well you remember. But also, while I was with you, I developed some friendships that lasted well after we broke up, and to this day leave a mark upon my heart. Like a bruise. A really big ass bruise.
    Thank you for stealing all of my hard earned rent money on multiple occasions because I have the self control of a kleptomaniac diabetic six year old in a candy store. Thank you for ruining my sleep schedule. Thank you for bringing a screeching halt to one of my relationships. You're like a jaded ex lover that's coincidentally great in bed, so I keep getting with you, consequences be damned! (Sidenote, thanks for teaching me that thing with the baby oil). Thank you for the long nights, beer drinking binges, the headaches, the arthritis, the attention capacity of a particularly stupid fruit fly. Thanks a lot.
    I apologize for any harm I may have cause you in my anger. Cruel words I may have said, unjust things I may have did to your angelic body. Words cannot express the sorrow I feel when thinking of this. You probably deserved every bit of it though.
    In short, our love was hot, but I must now bring it to a close and focus on my true love.

    It's Willy. I'm sorry.

    With love, Zeth.

    P.S. I want custody of Ruby. Thanks.
     
  2. About damn time. This was a long waited moment for ATA. Ruby will now be at peace to enjoy her childhood without you all telling her who the real daddy is. Now she will only have two.
     
  3. But from what I have heard Ruby is the strict one 