Why Trust is a Lie

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by whipped_cream, Sep 12, 2016.

  1. Hi, trust is a lie.

    Lemme start at the beginning. I started dating an awesome girl this January and up until now. (We met at college). Since we met at college we were always near each other which was great! We got along, did things we liked together, studied together, and honestly we didn't fight much.

    There were hard times of course. She does suffer from some pretty intense depression and anxiety and needs to take meds and sometimes go to counseling. I knew I couldn't "fix" her so I always told her I was there for her and there were multiple nights where I got out of my bed to go comfort her at 2 in the morning.

    And it never got old!! I loved to show her my support every time. She had even told me that there were going to be times she would doubt me because of what's happened to her with her past relationships. And I was like "That's alright. I'll always reassure you!" And so I did. A few times a week actually I would tell her that I was there for her and there was no other girl. And it was all true.

    During this time there was a guy. They had been friends a little before I'd been friends with her. Apparently he caught intense feelings for her. And often he would tell her how much he loved her and that she should be with him and that I couldn't love her the way he did. (She told me what he said. I didn't look through her phone or anything like that.) Obviously that concerned me and I asked her why she still talked to him if that's most of what he would tell her. She asked me if I wanted her to stop talking to him and I said it was up to her because I can't make decisions for her but I would prefer it. So she told me she wouldn't talk to him again and it did make me happy!

    Then summer came and we went to our families homes and our jobs. We talked and Skyped a fair amount and when I had a couple days off id drive up to her for a night over. I probably sound like a pretty good guy right now but I can also tell you that I did make mistakes with her. Sometimes I'd be upset and I'd be short with her when she needed comforting. But we're only human and we'd get over smaller things like that.

    So summers over and our relationship is still going strong!

    (At this time I should mention something. I am an introvert. No I am not shy but large groups of people will "drain" my energy fairly quick. However she is an extrovert and requires human contact often.)

    At this time we're both very excited to be together for another 9 months of school. The first couple weeks go well. But I start noticing that she's constantly texting other guys even when I'm with her. And I also notice one of them is the guy who has claimed his love for her. I was an idiot and would just get upset with her and not tell her why because I felt she should figure it out on her own. Eventually I just told her what was wrong. And she was rather rude to me about it and I ended up apologizing for worrying about it.

    Another guy she texted she met at a conference for a position she holds at school and had apparently kept a snap streak going the whole summer. This guy goes to a college about 12 hours from ours though. So I honestly didn't care.

    A few days go by and I can't help but get upset and wonder what she's saying as she always turns her phone away from me when she texts them. Almost every day we would get upset with each other and I would always wonder why she just couldn't wait to respond to them.

    One night she tells me she feels she shouldn't have to compromise with me. She said "I want to go to parties, dance, and meet lots of new people." I told her that she could do those things and didn't know why she felt she had to compromise. I said I'd go with her occasionally but honestly, parties were not my personally for the most part.

    She was still upset for some reason.

    So she decided we should take a break from dating and be in this weird middle ground where we hang out and talk and occasionally kiss but we're not dating.

    Even during our break she makes no change to stop texting these guys right when I'm with her. Apparently the guy that said he loved claimed to want to just be her friend. So anyways we go a week doing this and I'm getting sick of it.

    So one night were hanging out and she goes to check her laundry and for some reason leaves her phone. I feel terrible for doing it but I couldn't help myself. I went on her phone(I know her passcode) and immediately the conversation she was having with the guy who lives 12 hours away came up. I was only on her phone for 10 seconds before she came back and caught me. But I'd seen enough. This guy had been called her "babe" and she was calling him "lovie" and a whole bunch of other stuff. During the summer she would also always post a snapchat when they were skyping saying how she misses him.

    When I asked her what the hell was happening she told me how angry she was that I went on her phone and that nothing was happening with him. I asked why he called her "babe" and she called him "lovie". She said she'd told him to stop before and that she only called him lovie once and that she calls lots of people that. So I decide to message him on a social media site(without her knowing) telling him off right? And he responds with pics of their conversations and it is the opposite of what she claimed.

    And that's where it ended.

    Essentially, I cared and loved this girl when she had rough times and I would reassure her doubts every time. Because she had been cheated on in past relationships and said she was damaged by it. And now she goes and does this.

    So no matter what a person says or what they do you never know who they actually are on the inside.
    I don't even want to know what they did on snapchat. But anyways, I'll get over it. Life happens. But I just thought I'd share with you that no matter who someone says they are, they can still turn around and crush you.

    Anyways, since I have no one irl who I can vent about this to I just needed someone to hear this.
     
  2. The moral of the story, trust no one.
     
  3. I was going too ask for Tl:dr version, but thank you delta. This explains everything :lol:
     
  4. The last paragraph though. . And the way you described your relationship with her. . The two of you are from separate "world".

    I'm not an expert about relationships but the way I read your story there seems to be two different interpretations about commitment from two totally opposite personalities.

    But anyway, I hope you try to express yourself more and learn to mingle with groups of people, not necessarily large groups but a group of friends whom you can enjoy life with. Heartbreaks just come and go, you'll learn from it and know more about people. Trust? Well it's just a word, eventually it's better done than said. Trust? Don't give too much of it and don't give too little either.
     
  5. I got upset with the whole middle ground crap. You should've gotten rid of her ass after that
     
  6. But the moral of this story to me is females aren't that into you as much as you think they are
     
  7. See my problem is that you fell in love with a girl like that. Of course I can't tell you what to do or who to love, that's stupid; but, I feel like those kind of girls are attention addicts (I can't say the other word Lel).

    Talking to multiple guys while she has a "thing" going on with you

    Hiding stuff from you

    Getting mad when you get upset

    Wanting to be in an "open" relationship

    Sorry but I'll be the one to break it. You fell in love with the wrong kind of girl. If you still think she was the one, well maybe you just fell in love with her at the wrong time.

    You're saying you'll get over it but it's harder than you think it'll be. Take some time and figure yourself out. Make some friends, go to a party every other week.

    Someone better will make their way into your life, don't be afraid to get your heart broken, keep falling in love.
     
  8. OP serious relationships aren't worth pursuing when you're your age. no matter how much you're into each other your goals and values will change. there's like a 90% chance fail rate for long term relationships for people your age. dude go score as many babes as you can. that's what your supposed to do at your age. don't consider a serious relationship till your close to 30. Even after 30 the divorce rate is close to 50% and under that and you'll prob get better odds in Vegas.





    No matter what you do don't give up on women like snoopy and wordwaster .
     

  9. Woot, that's the first good 10% I've ever been in lol
     
  10. Welp at least you figured this out now. Ive known about people in general since i was in middle school. Lucky me :/

    ^ @ who ever Essentially said smash em while you can, thats prob the reason girls have those issues. They(girls) genuinely had feelings for a dude that was all about the smash. Girls stops doing what he wants and he replaces her with a more enthusiastic woman.
    They also have self image issues cuz they like the attention and they constantly worry about their image and worry their not good enough / wonder why they may not get the same attention as someone else.
    I wish more people just watched and listened in life. You can learn so much about people without saying a thing

    Fr tho guys. Its all there. All the signs all the reasons and causes.

    Thanks -suptis2
     
  11. rice da love doctor confirmed
     
  12. This made me really sad  I'm sorry
     
  13. Some people are put in our lives as permanents and some are put in our lives as temporaries maybe for a lesson or maybe some other reason. She just wasn't the one and was just a temporary. Take a deep breath and keep looking because someone is out there looking for you
     
  14. Ffs TLDR

    But from what I skimmed you found a girl on depression and anxiety meds and thought it would end well?

    Why?
     
  15. Always get the nakies to post online if this happens lads ?
     
  16. I thought this whole thing sounded a bit too familiar.

    If it's the same girl as it was here, then there really isn't any point in posting here because you're obviously not going to listen.
     
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  18. No reason to not trust anyone. Love with your whole heart or don't love at all. Love is a gamble, it's just the nature of what it is.
     
  19. This guy's advice will land you alone at 40, serious relationships are hard, they take practice. Trial and error. Someone who lived by this example would sadly find themselves Ill prepared for what it takes to commit for the long haul. It's not all sunshine and roses I can promise you that.