KNW! Welcome gentlemen and gentlemen who try to tell us they are ladies! I am your host, Filthy Maggot, and this is Kaw News Weekly! Or Kingdoms at War News Weekly, or KNW!! Week in Review! A new Epic Battle was released this week! G Homer Rex of Highland. It's an epic tail of Gangster Homer Simpson set in the Highlands. Consequently, players who are highland build complete without another building on the lands higher than Highlands can not even hit this damn thing.. DOH! Daphnia has been linked to a scandal that lead to the demise of FC and GAW and the decline to KAW. The fiery moderator with purple writing has been linked to these claims from her influence over the developers through the years and their increased strive for laziness. Here at KNW we believe that she stole the developers souls as well as every player gone in FC, GAW, and Kaw, as well as the inactive mods and VK's. Our evidence to this claim is that she is ginger and has a ton of freckles. This is a developing story so please tune in next week as this investigation continues! FC and GAW operating office when the games were active. Now for the local news! Enero is still trying to use italics on his clan page. At first we believed this was a joke before we learned he had the personality of a stump. Great_Atuin and his echo, Raspberry entered the national grammar and spelling bee that was hosted by Cobra and the three of them argued for three days over the proper uses of the word 'your.' wordwaster is currently suing KNW for royalties over the name Kaw News Network. People in the studies simple laughed because.. Money... What's that? Apoc, KotFE, and Warlor recently suffered through a chemical attack. The super alliance suffered great losses after R_o_G_u_E____O_N_E blew ass and released the nerve toxin. Our on the scene reporter tragically died at the site, his last words were a reference to Chernobyl. xXP_3X_Tz-ToXiCxZoNe-Tz_XP_3Xx name is so much of a pain in the ass that he could not even fill it out on the compliant forum thus making his compliant invalid. -Deadly- was found dehydrated and nearly starved last night! He was found locked in a closet that he desperately wanted to get out but was to scared to do so. Early report point to ---BEAST--- and AshtonRocks as the assailants or accomplices. KNW Special Report! KNW is now hiring Beat reporters. Please follow and speak to Filthy_Maggot for all job openings and pay. there is no pay. With that, we would like to introduce our first employee: IIIIIICALIIIII I have no clue if those are i's or L's so you can figure that out. His job was to interview a Moderator. Now, the full Transcript of the interview will be posted here after the comments reach 4 pages or the day before the next issue come out. Until then, I will post an exert from the interview: Eagle: “That was mean, I might just lock this interview because of that comment” Cal: “woah, woah someone a bit sensitive about their butt?” Eagle: “can we just move on?” UPDATE: 4 pages has been reached so below is the full interview! Cal: So Eagle, Welcome to the show. Go on, take a seat, or just perch, whatever you birds do” Eagle: “Thank you Cal, I think I’ll just perch over here” Cal: “Whatever floats your boat eagle, now down to business...?” Eagle: “Wait, wait" Cal: ".... " Eagle: "First Cal I’d like to ask you a question, do you think I suit the colour green? I’m not convinced... does it make my butt look big?” Cal: “Well I’m probably not your best guru on fashion, but it would definitely explain why you’ve chose to perch, because you couldn’t fit in the chair” Eagle: “That was mean, I might just lock this interview because of that comment” Cal: “woah, woah someone a bit sensitive about their butt?” Eagle: “can we just move on?” Cal: “Sure, how do you respond to the accusations you were found backstage at the Lounge of Legends stripping Roni?” Eagle: “Well... She Asked For It” Cal “But still... euck. I think what we are all wondering though, is she really a girl?” Eagle: “You could probably guess, she, he is a 40 year old working as a stripper backstage to pay for his board of living in his mom and dad’s basement...100% man” Cal “And yet you still paid for the strip...” Eagle: “No comment” Cal: “Ok, well im getting shooed of stage" Small Print! No need to read! KNW is not actual news but it's news you should follow and enjoy and become brainwashed too until we get enough of a following to sway elections and sell agenda's. Everyone who post on the first page that isn't a member of the staff will be included into the Local News report based on the material of your post or your action between this post and next week's report. Daphnia may or may not have a soul. IIICALIII is actually a player who created the content in the special report section. All reporters named in the special report are actually players who give me content to post. If you want to be one of these players you need to follow me to be apart of this news team. All other reporters content will be time and post base release. That means, like the interview, the only way the rest of that interview will be posted is if we reach 4 pages of comments or reach a time limit. All interviews done by my reporters may or may not have actually happened and they may or may not have edited the responses to further the entertainment value of the interview. Even though I am liable for their content because I am the one who posted it I am going to say here that I am not liable for their reports so I can sleep easy in my own little web of lies and will fight you tooth and nail if you say other words. I'm not joking I will scratch you like a.. Like a fricken cat and bite your eyeball if you think different than me. This content mirrors the great work of Fox News and CNN by molding and reporting the news in a way that deepens my imaginary pockets and pushes my imaginary agenda. KNW would like to thank you for your time and for allowing us to kill your brain cells faster than a carton of cigarettes that were smoked while shotgunning beers while watching Spongebob circle shirt. Screw you grammar, I are Stuperman.
Re: KNW 3AUG16 Edition More like 2nd.. I was first! It's my name on top you bottom feeder! You're wasting your words if you think you'll beat KNW in court!! No, he died while reporting his last OSW in Sparta. That or he is starving in a big hole in Sparta. The more you know the more you know if you know what I mean.
Re: KNW 3AUG16 Edition Are you sure you're not Pizza-the-hut? I can now officially say that I am thanking my luckstar. As long as it doesn't breed I don't care what it is.
[subscript]Me[/subscript] Gotta get it every time it comes out. Might consider to apply to a position. I like the approach and fine style of this newspaper.
Update for the 3rd edition. Next week there will be an exposé! I will randomly pick a commenter from this forum and write an article on them! Though the process is random, you can help unrandomise it by being funny in your remarks on this forums! That or be an ass. One or the other. I haven't decide yet.
What's the difference between z'uthmerak and yo mama? Yo mama's so fat her splash attacks actually do damage! Ha so funny... I'll just show myself out.