ZELGARAD SEVERELY INJURED IN BUILDING FIRE... THAT HE CAUSED. REUTERS: November 30, 2015: Famed epic battle bad boy Zelgarad The Accursed was severely injured today in a building fire that he himself caused. According to witnesses, Zelgarad was in the process of pillaging a warehouse full of Amish Chuck Wagons when he sustained 3rd degree burns on his hand and crotch, rendering the EB hero "very upset". 7 News obtained a photo of the occurrence.... As seen above, his scrotal manparts were completely burned off in the incident, and boy oh boy, is Mrs. The Accursed is not happy. "I've told him several times to leave those Amish Chuck Wagoneers alone, but he never listens. Ever. Now he will need to sit down every time he pees." 7 News tried to reach Mr. Zelgarad for a statement but he declined to comment. Reports of several murdered Amish at the hands of Zelgarad were never reported, because Amish do not believe in telephones, or justice. Stay tuned for tonight's undercover investigation revealing Jorath caught getting a lappy while still on the clock... And, now over to Bob with the traffic...
Zelgarad was so close! A representation of what we think was similar to what happened to Zelgarad. So close yet so far. 7 News, Reporter: TankedIsNot APedo out, please stay tuned for the weather report at 9:00. Have a good night. Exit slowly, talks to our reporters about pointless crap while still on camera.