My last post was centered around people's opinions and thoughts on my writing, I took them all into consideration whilst renewing the letter. A Letter to Maebh My Dearest Maebh, It is of ill want to inform you, in such an undignified manner, that my Father, King of Revendel, has been murdered and stripped of his title. Though news of his death by letter is not what degrades my personal philosophy and dignity. No, the cause of these conflicts is the fact that it was I, Copernicus, who buried a knife into Fathers chest and watched as his life faded, from the now empty shell, into the void. A monster he was, enslaving our own citizens and executing those who opposed him in such a brutal, inhumane fashion that even public executions drew no crowd. Not soon after your last visit here did I contemplate overthrowing his tyranny. The rebels had just attacked a ship full of Denastri people, killing them all. This in itself was horrid and demanded immediate action, but Father went too far. He sent legions of soldiers into the city, knocking down all doors and massacring any who were even suspected of being in cahoots with the rebels. Panic spread throughout our kingdom, causing problems of all types, and even the nobels were becoming nervious. Revolution teatered on an unstable beam and my sister saw the need for change, we all did, except for my lunatic of a father. Only one of us siblings were brave enough to face him. Siofra went to Father in private, so as not to humiliate him publicly by questioning his authority, and told him of a way to calm the people, averting a crisis. The next day, and the last day I saw her, she was strung upside down from an inn window across the street from one of our temples. Blood and tears flowed down her face, bruises covered her small body, and her limbs were contorted in many strange ways. Father made my brother and I watch as the knights tore her still moving body down from where it hung. Siofre screamed in terror as they tied her ankles to horses, but the cries of pain only lasted for a few seconds after they drug her nude body throughout the city streets. I can still hear her cries for help, and I know that they shall haunt my thoughts forever. Both Ciel and I were outraged, but what could we do? This had been the last straw for my loyal brother, the very same brother whom fought wars and slaughtered thousands of innocents for Father. A week had passed since Siofra's execution when, mid-day, Ciel was spotted leaving the castle, heading into the city. The King was livid, ordering all guards and knights to hunt Ciel down and return him. Alive, but without not being harmed first. He even went as far as beating me for information on where and why he left. It was all for naught though, Ciel got away with his mistress unscathed, leaving me to Father's wrath. I was not alone. A full month passed until my courage was built up enough to follow through with an assassination attempt on the King. If I were to fail, my life would be slowly taken, nothing could compare to the suffering that I would endure. If I were succeed however, many lives would be spared. So I killed him, I will hold details though, for they are far to gruesome to be told without presence. I fear madness will be upon me soon, for the nights and days are long, much like a slow motion blur. Oblivion taunting me with her soft lips and promises of freedom, from just out of reach, has all but become unbearing. My only wish is for it to halt. Expecting you, Maebh, to come to my aid is exceedingly too much to ask. It is still within my last hope that you shall come to me and help push through this endever. Forever Your's Copernicus Roknove TL;DR, it is a letter, hard to summarize.
"A monster he was" Why do I read this in a yoda voice? It's better and you did listen to the feedback from last time. There was this one part that was weird with the flow of the story... A memory sequence where you jumped from when the father was alive and dead that seemed 'off', not a big mistake. You also removed A LOT of the emotion. I can feel that the character is a little broken (humanity-wise) seeing his 'sibling' tortured and dismembered? as well as killing his own father and that he's trying to regain his humanity through letter with Maebh. Although you did go a little crazy with your sibling dismemberment scene, you barely spoke of your father's demise. I see it might be because the sibling left more of an impact on the protagonist but the death of a ROYAL FATHER/TYRANT is still important. Also try and paint a vivid image without using soo many words. Almost try to make it poetic or use distinct imagery through writing. "My room was lit with the color of the afternoon" "I can still hear my sister's screams that very night. I couldn't sleep a wink, and in the morning I awoke to find her missing entirely. That was the breaking point and..." Sometimes, saying little can say a lot. The way you described her death is like a saw movie. OVER-THE-TOP It's actually a little more interesting now, better composed. This is all I can think of off the top of my head.