It's the month of October... It's time for OKAWTOBERFEST!!!!! The following is a guide to partake and enjoy these festivities (omg I almost mis-spelled that.. I better put the beer down) ..and to do it in a classy way.. Cos.. You know.. This is not your average "down 3 bud lights and pass out at the bbq" kind of affair.. OK! Let's get Lederhosed!!!! The fist thing you need to know is.. REINHEITSGEBOT!!! You see..the Bavarians have their priorities straight.. When they were unifying during the 16th century (I bet cha some millennial kid reading this is going "is this when they tore down the wall?" Smh), the first thing they standardized was... You guessed it.. BEER!. Specifically.. To have a standard that is sanitary, healthy, and delicious.. This is like back in 1516! Ahh... Pure as the hops of the Bavarian meadows.. *Note: The girl on the left has already done the quality testing.. I like her already.. So.. That's the first thing you say when you enter a beer tent!.. REINHEITSGEBOT!!! The next word you learn.. To be classy.. Is.. DIRNDL!! Why?.. Cos the second thing you say is.. "My lady.. What a lovely Dirndl you have on!".. Make sure you say that before you even order your beer.. I'm teaching y'all how to be classy! Authentic 1516 dress Before we get into beers.. We, as refined, sophmisticated KAW players, must get into what beer gets into.. THE STEINS!!!! See?.. Everyone lifts the Steins! A Stein is basically a mug that holds 1 Litre (around 34 Ounces) of delicious beer.. At Oktoberfest, you should really muscle up and drink up with one hand.. (Everyone does it..).. You can cradle it when you lift.. But muscle up!!! Lift it clear by the handle for Toasts!!! *If you are adventurous, enter a Stein holding competition.. The trick is to loosen up the shoulder muscles.. But I tell ya.. Those Bavarian ladies will knock you out.. Try to spot the ornate ceramic and pewter steins that are wonderfully crafted (with hinged lids so that you won't spill by accident).. There is also the beer boot.. And for something cool.. Drink it out of a horn.. Ok.. Onto the Beers! Now in Munchen, they make a special brew just for the festival.. But if you are celebrating it in a beer tent in your backyard, here's a few that you should serve.. HEFEWEISEN!! It's an awesome Wheat beer that is top fermented with lots of yeast.. Giving it a cloudy look.. DUNKELS AND DOPPELBOCKS These are strong dark lagers that are very malty.. They are just as strong as the porters and stouts so just be mindful (we're talking Steins here) Dunke.. Ein Dunkel, bitte! Of course you can't have beer without food!.. And yummy food we have.. WURST!!!! *Insert your Sausagefest joke here Bratwurst.. Bierwurst.. Mettwurst... Landjager.. Yumm yummm yummm!!! JAGERSCHNITZEL!! Crispy browned pork cutlets smothered in mushroom gravy.. Yummm! Sharing sausages.. An Oktoberfest tradition.. Next.. What do you do when you're gathered with thousands of great people, eating great food while drinking great beer?.. You sing songs of course!!! EIN PROSIT DER GEMUTLICHKEIT!! Just remember to join in on the part "Oi! Oi! Oi!" And you'll do fine.. Another classic Oompah song (Oompah has heavy emphasis on the brass instruments.. Even more than accordion), is the Donkey Song.. You'll have a blast singing "Iha Iha Iha Ho!".. IHA IHA IHA HO!!! IHA IHA IHA HO!!! Of course.. With singing... Comes dancing!!! I will now leave you with the most classy tradition to let loose and have a good time.. DER VOGELTANZ!! Also known as the Chicken Dance! Work it!!! ZUM WOHL!!!
Sausage, it's to stuff in a biscuit or in a bun. With midgets gathered around a camp fire in nurse outfits and highheels. Did I mention midgets ?
Oh yea.. A typical glass stein with a litre of beer is like 5 pounds.. But after you have been holding it in competition, it becomes so heavy! The beauty of the stein holding competition is that there is always a winner!.. It is usually settled in about 5 minutes.. Hehe
Oh great.. You mention Sausagefest and Tim shows up.. Tim! Pwlease do "What would Tim do?" Thread again.. Please!!!
I will not be outdone by Ashes when it comes to drinking beer. Here I go. Brunettes go well with beer. Even the politicians love it. ( Democrats at least. Republicans are too wussy to drink alcohol) Finally end with a sexy picture for the ladies!
Yaaaaaaa schnitzel saurkraüte dancing with a lid on your beer. Aooumpapa. You get to wear old golfing clothes too. (don't tell them I'm Scottish )