So here is some actual feedback. When you start a book off in the middle of the action, be aware that the reader has absolutely NO connection to the characters because they haven't been introduced to them yet. So if you are going to start at an action point then commit to it and give the reader action to get involved in. You start off with a first-person narration but I don't know anything about the narrator or who the others in his group are, although you reference them. So as I am reading I am distracted by wondering who this person is and why would he and seven other people be sent to take on thousands of enemies. What makes him and the others so special? Are they the elite? Are they the expendable? I don't know. And I'm thinking about those things rather than being engaged by the text. So at the point that there is action, you've already lost me because I'm still wondering why these guys are in this fight in the first place. At the very least give the narrator a name very early on in the text. If you are dead-set on starting mid-action then ramp up the action and cut the exposition. Get me so involved in the blood and guts that I don't have time to think about who these people are. If you want an example of what I'm talking about, think of the beginning of the movie, "Saving Private Ryan." You had no idea who the characters were at the opening of the film, it was just water, sand, bullets and blood. You were caught up in the action. And then character names were revealed. So we could attach the beginnings of a persona to the characters. After the opening sequence we get exposition. That is an effective way to open a story with high action. Good luck and KEEP WRITING! Thanks for sharing your work.
Thank you for your feedback this is just a rough draft from about an hours worth of writing. Ill consider your input in my revisions
Plz write some more. Great story u r a real talent more to come I hope .Was wondering if u r into poems ? I so love read poems
I suggest staying in doors until those that wish to kill you for having them read such a long post have time to cool down. Not really. By the way, I didn't type anything in font 1 below this. See? It's font size 2.
This was an amazing effort but really failed to be entertaining. Though, all the work is there, it needs to be reorganized, and edited. A lot of the details and back stories had an awesome story to it, though they was not quite written in a way that would make me keep reading. Also, the psychology side of the characters just did not fit. I feel some was on point but not all. Another issue is the battle tactic. It changed from destroying the army, to disrupting the army, to destroying it. That needs to be cleared. I feel like if you would reread then rewrite, it would be 100 times better. I would also suggest you to study a bit more up on gorilla war fair and the psychology of soldiers reactions and mindsets when fighting against an enemy with superior power and numbers. I also think it would help to better invent the enemy army, Technology, and troops. Build up a background of that army and develop multiple mindsets of each branch of that force. Then build their fortress. Afterwards do the same for the allied army. Set your forces, Technology, and troops. Creat a back story for them. Then every charater that has any role at all (other than simple kills) create a dynamic background for that charater. All of this work will most likely never make it in your story but it will make the story feel real and drawl your readers in once the components of all these elements meet. It will make the fights more personal and dynamic. It will make the battles broader and more entertaining, and it will make the setting and situation come a live. Honestly, in short, do more off page story set up (details for reference and scene building/ character building and creation) then through that into your setting and situation. As this happens, take account of the charaters. Their tendencies, their instincts, their habits. And understand a great story may have 1 sub character who has 2 to 20 pages worth of history and details about that person. Which encompasses a ton of different aspect of that character and in the end, that character may only get 1 to 3 pages worth of writing in the story. Stay as diligent over the small details as you do the big ones. Once this happens, it will help the entire writing process. Also, never be afraid to spice things up by including weird and unpredictable twists in your writing. Keep it up op, you have the ability to be great. You just need to refine your craft. (Maybe even rereading some old books to take note about how they structure their stories, characters, and settings.
Thank you for your input. This was a 30m-1hr worth of work done while in the car off the top of my head. Just seeing if people thought it deserved being more developed
This was an interesting read.. I liked it. However, such a thing belongs in fan fiction as I can guarantee you will get a lot more feedback, better feedback, etc.